People who BENEFIT from keeping you heavy

 Thanks guys for listening as I sort through the emotions of obesity and weightloss.

You know I think somewhere I once read about those around you don't always want you to change.  That in itself is not a novel concept but it has become more unique to me recently, and I've noticed it more.  I haven't lost much weight to speak of, so I'm sure those of you who have will have better experience with this topic.

I never understood why some people would specifically exclude heavy people from their friend groups.  Okay, it makes some sense I suppose but it's a pretty shallow thing to do.  But I really never considered the fact that I may have friends because I'm fat.  That makes me feel about just as cruddy as the idea of not having friends because I'm fat.  I want it to be a non-issue for goodness sake!  I don't want people to like me because I'm thin, like me because I'm fat, dislike me because I'm thin, dislike me because I'm fat--I just want them to accept me.  Simple?

I bring this up because I just realized that one of my best friends is benefiting from me being fat.  She loves for me to go clubbing with her, I now assume because it's a self-esteem booster.  And if some guy comes up to me, she tries to downplay it and quickly searches for something to prop herself back up again.  We had a lot of the same classes in college, but I graduated a year after she did.  I was still making friends, and when she noticed I had other new friends, she found a way to meet this person (we all would go bowling, etc.) and then "win" this person over to her.  I never thought that she was necessarily doing it on purpose, but it was irksome.  I wanted so badly to say "go challenge someone your own size."  At the same time, shouldn't I be flattered that she thinks I'm a threat?

My point was that I have come to realize that a reason, if not THE reason this person is friends with me is because I am not a threat.  I'm already starting to have more confidence and it behooves her to keep me down.  It's tough to start thinking of giving up friends while it's still so hard for me to make them, but I think part of her effort**** me subconsciously.  I've created my own little place in my world--my piece of the puzzle that I have created is to be non threatening, non challenging, the peace maker, and someone who is always there.  In other words, I'm the doormat.  It's very risky thinking about trying to change that but I think it's necessary for me to change.  

I am really interested in hearing y'alls experiences like this.  Also, how do you cope with it?

I haven't experienced this myself but from what you have wrote you need to drop her as a friend. If she was a true friend then she would support you in all that you do and boost your self esteem everyday. She should be happy that you are changing your life for the better. 

I absolutely know what you're talking about.  I am 8 months out and have lost the bulk of my weight.  People who wouldn't have given me the time of day (coworkers) all of a sudden want to hang out with me outside of work.  It's always the "skinny *****es" too.  Those girls who have always been beautiful and skinny and have never had to work hard for anything to come into their lives.  

My advice?  Take time out to learn how to take care of your new body.  Be gracious, respectful and happy.  This will allow good people to come into your life, and will allow those who are in your life and shouldn't be to leave you alone.  ("She's now skinny, beautiful, and happy?  I'm gonna go find another person to be my bff that will make me feel good about who I am.")

Good luck!

Yep, the skinny *****es love me too now... lol

It’s now acceptable to be seen with me. Whatever. I’m struggling with anger issues over it. Like, they wouldn’t give me the time of day when I was almost 300 pounds but now that I can wear “regular" clothes I’m suddenly fun? I was before, they just never noticed because I was the invisible elephant in the room that everyone ignored. It makes me angry and I’m not always the nicest about it now (I think I’m the poster child for the “Post-WLS *****" lol)

Unfortunately it is what it is, and I struggle with thinking I’m just as bad as they are in my own way. I did this surgery for health reasons, sure, but a part of me did it because I was sick of being fat and wanted to be a PERSON again, i.e. normal sized where people acknowledged me. Well I have it now, but what does that say about ME, that I thought I wasn’t acceptable the way I was before either? Can’t blame them for human nature when I kind of thought the same way.

 

And I have a ton of friend drama- I’m now the smallest person in my (very small) group of female friends and I get a ton of snarky comments about it. It bothers me, but I try to let it roll off. My best friend that I’ve known for almost 20 years does it the worst! They get used to you being a certain role (in my case the fat, funny chick good for entertainment value) and when you no longer fulfill it, people don’t know how to treat you, so they usually end up treating you ****ty. Give it time, it’ll get better eventually. Or it won’t, but at least you’ll know who your real friends are.

i definately think people keep a "designated fat friend" around to make themselves feel better as in : well as bad as I think it gets as least Im not like ____" and I say to hell with people like that.
this is your chance to grab attention now!!! I know people are uncomfortable with me doing things like that. I never wanted to be the center of attention for being fat... allthough I have NO TROUBLE being the center of attention. Since I look normal now I am much "crazier" then I was before because I am attracting attention because Im beautiful now, not just "silly".....

anyways. one of my best friends is really happy for me, but i can tell she is jealous and very competitive about size and weight. boy is she confused when I slipped on her "skinny jeans" and told her that they were loose! ha! she can only wear them when she is not eating and exercizing....

drop those people that kept you around for their self esteem, or better yet keep them around to boost yours.....

sad but true....some people are so ugly hearted, its hard to believe.

I just dont understand it..