Boyfried doesn;t support my decision...

I moved back home so I could get this surgery done and I haven't really told people. I have slowly told some of my friends. And I eventually had to tell my boyfriend because he wanted to know why I was always going to the Doctor. He had a completely unsuportive reaction. He told me that I didn;t need the urgery and that it wouldn;t help anyways. I put it aside for a while, but recently the topic came up again. And he said that if I went through with the srgery, we didn;t really have a reason to stay together...
I need to dump him..right? I'm not ready to do that cause in every other category, he is the best boyfriend. I think that maybe if I stay, he might change his mind?
And I have started questioning if the surgey will help me or not. I don't know if I am re-thinking cause of what he said, or cause of me.
I'm so confused..

 Wow, I'm so sorry your boyfriend is acting that way towards you at a  time when you need support the most.  

My guess is that he's very worried and is acting that way out of that more so than being anti-surgery.  What you can do is try to educate him a little better, if he's willing, and tell him the reality of what's going to happen and how life is going to be.  Maybe he's insecure thinking that if you lose weight, you'll be more attractive to men and leave him?  In that case he's just going to have to take your word for it and if he can't get over it, then it's really  his problem.  If  he's saying things like if you get surgery then  you might as well break up, that's really not cool and if he's serious then I guess that's how it's going to be.  It's really his loss, not yours.  You are doing something so wonderful for yourself and your life....it's really hard for me to understand people's negative reactions (other than just general worry).  

I think you are probably rethinking surgery because of him, you know in your heart what you are suppose to do.  This is one of those hard decisions of life where you will be going against the majority but if you know it's the right thing for you, that's all that matters.  Either he will come around or he won't but really he's not the important one here, you are....do it for you, not him!   

I never tell anyone to stay or leave someone, that's your choice but just ponder the thought of this:  If you do stay together for the long run is he going to threaten to leave every time a hard situation comes up and doesn't go his way?  I've been married for 4 years and that's just not how it works.....Sure, my husband and I have butted heads plenty but ultimately you have to compromise and be willing to listen to where the other is coming from.  If you aren't willing to do that then it just causes animosity and eventually the relationship will crumble.  You say he's a good boyfriend otherwise but to me this is a huge indication of character and long term stability, which everyone needs in a good, healthy relationship.  If he's usually not like this, then I would say it's because of worry and if you talk to him about the facts of surgery, it should get better.  

I wish you nothing but the best and I have no doubt you will be fine whatever way it works out! 

~Emily~

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't break up with him but it's about you! & you getting healthy! I think you need support not people that are going to tell you that "it's not going to work anyway!" It's crazy that he wouldn't want to see you healthy!Look how many people on here that have change there life’s b/c of WLS! I mean if he wants to break it off with you b/c you want to better yourself then I don't know I know I wouldn't want him around me! Good luck I hope you go through with the surgery and not let a guy or anyone else for that matter determine your life or future life!

First off, look at all the people here. does it look like this surgery doesn't work. that actually kinda ****** me off that someone would say that. Esp. someone who's suppose to be supportive like a boyfriend. i don't know ur situation, but i am so glad i didnt have a gf through this journey. i spent my entire life fat and going un noticed, and going through this journey unattached made it that much better, and allowed me to go out and have fun. now i'm not saying anyone should dump someone so you can go out and have fun, you may lose out on something good that you already have. But this guy seems very unsuportive, and i wouldnt worry about having any trouble finding a new dude after surgery. What ever you decide, good luck,

Hey,
I am sorry that your boyfriend is acting like that. I too know how that goes. I am pre-op right now and still don't know when I am going to have surgery. I told my boyfriend and he was completely against it and was very very sure it would not help me. So... I dropped the issue and continued with my doctors appointments and test that I needed. 

I eventually told him that I love him and want to be with him for a long time and that I was having surgery essentially for "US". I told him of some things that I wanted to do but couldn't since I am overweight and he seemed shocked. He never thought of it from my view. Then I told him I am doing this with or without your approval I just want to know that when I come home from the hospital that he would be there to help me. He has finally started to come around but it has taken 9 months for him to be acceptant of the surgery and all it intails.

I wish you luck on your decision. Remember in the end you and everyone else on here is doing this for themselves. You are doing this for you!!

Nathalie :)

Y'all are really great. It's hard for me to even join this website.
I still might not do the surgery, but it's because of me nd not my boyfriend. And I poke with my boyfriend about it. I never told him it bothered me that he was saying the things he was saying.
I have a hard time talking and opening up. So I just let it pass and went on with my appointments. But thi time when I said whatever and he got upset that I was shutting him out, I told him why I was upset. And I explained to him that I want to go through with this because I'm not happy with the way I am now, and that the my insurrance wouldn;t cover this if they didn;t think I was a right candidate. I explained to him that it will help and I will loose weight and that if he wanted to break up because of this, we should jut do it now, cause I don't want to have to deal with the emotion later on. I didn;t want to break up, but if he couldn;t be there to support me, it wouldn't work between us. I may not do the surgery, but if I don't he won't be what influenced me in that direction. And I need the support now also. He said that he wants to be there for me and this isn;t a reason to break up.
So for now we are still together. We'll see how he is in the future.
I know I will find someone after the surgey, just as I have found someone before. But I want the relationship I'm in now to go keep moving forward, becuase untill now it has been and I have been having a lot of fun. I'm happy that he want to be supportive. I hope he didn't say that to shut me up. But only time will tell.
Thanks for all your replys.
It made me see things differntly and gave me th courage to tell him what was bothering me.

My Boyfriend was the same way..

I didnt bother reading anyone elses post...

Basically he was unsupportive until they were about to wheel me away into surgery..and he comes running up with balloons and a bear and stuff...

His mom, dad, both passed away at a very young age at hospitals, and his brother damn near died when he was stabbed and had to have 15 surgeries to save his life. He really didnt want me to have a surgery where he didnt know I was going to be okay afterwards. He didnt know how to express it...he was confused and basically scared to death.  He was nervous of the person I may become..

He has been supportive....very supportive, extremly supportive since.....we are still togather..and exercise and eat healthy togather

HAVE YOUR SURGERY...I broke up with my boyfriend (we live togather) 4 days before my procedure...he was about to move back home and everything...but the surgery was for me...and if he wanted to walk out of my life...so be it..but he really loves me...and if your boyfriend really loves you..he will be there..

 I can totally understand!! I have been in a similar situation. 
My current boyfriend doesn't understand my constant weight gain but would not be open to be doing WLS, haven't done it yet, but also seriously considering it  I'm sort of in a similar situation , I want to better myself and my life but at the same time being in a committed relationship is important too.  It's all so hard when you're over weight isn't it?

My boyfriend was the same way.  He hated the idea of me having surgery.  I basically told him, it was my body, my life my decision.  I explained to him in detail the dreams that i had of being able to have children, play in the yard with my neice, run....walk...without being winded....etc. 

i am almost 9 months post op, and he is totally supportive, and has been since the day i was rolled into the or.  they come around, if he doesnt....kick him to the curb...trust me, there will be tons kicking the door down to get at you!!