Does any one feel the same way that I do?

So here is the thing I was wondering if any of your have family that is skinny? And do you ever wonder why it is that we were at one time and so much different? I am there right knowing my brothers both way around 220 and my dad is 244 mom is about 175. Me before surgery weighed in at 460 and I am left wondering why me. Why is it me that is so different than everyone in my family? I believe that everything happens for a reason but I still ask why is it I that is the one who had surgery to get his life back. That's rant 1 rant 2 is the mentality I do not think that I am appealing to women. I have had a few girlfriends and it's been nice but lately I just feel that there is no way a girl would ever like someone who is as big as me. I'm getting smaller I have lost 140 since Dec. I'm supper pumped about it. I am ready for a relationship not a Jr high relationship but a true honest caring for a person and them care for me relationship. Here is my question for you, if you have had surgery and have felt that the way I have fell? If so does it ever go away? If it does how does it go away? I am just sick of being alone I would love one day to be loved as more than a friend and family member but as a man in a relationship? Maybe I'm crazy I don't know i'm just lonely right know and am thinking. Hit me up please

Hey Kevin!

First off, yes I do have family members who are thin and I'm  not sure why I was so "blessed" to be the big girl of the family.  My mom is a little on the heavy side but she eats very poorly or did, she is diabetic and is taking a little better care of herself, thankfully.  I have two sisters, one is very much average (around 5'6 and probably 160lbs, maybe less) and very curvy and she looks fabulous. My other sister is extremely short (4'10) and is very petite.  She did have bulemia a few years back but has since gotten better (I'm not sure if people every truly get over eating disorders 100%).   All that I can come up with as to why this was chosen for us is that everyone has a story and this is part of ours.  There is always a reason for why things happen and the struggles we face.  It may not make a whole lot of sense now or seem fair but somewhere, sometime I believe it will all come together and give a sense of peace and understanding.  Plus, they all have their own struggles, weight and non-weight related, that I don't deal with.  So even though they may not be dealing with this particular issue, it's not like their lives are perfect and without struggle.  Everyone does in some way or another.  

As far as relationships, I'm very lucky and I know I'm very lucky.  I don't know how or why my husband fell in love with me but he did and I"m forever grateful.  However, I've been through my share of heartache and rejection.  Point blank, people suck and for you, even though I'm a woman, I KNOW how horrible women can be.  But ya know what?  We're not all like that.  Don't let a few girls who can't see past their own noses ruin your hope of finding someone.  You will!  You may have to do some searching but I have no doubt that there are just people out there for us who will make us happy, like we deserve.  That's another thing, don't sell yourself so short.  You are a good person....people should feel lucky to be with YOU, not the other way around all the time.  If someone can't look past the fact you were a bigger person, what else aren't they going to be able to look past?  To me that's a huge indication of poor character.  I'm living proof that things can change quickly in the relationship department.  I met my husband at a wedding in April of 04, we were engaged 2 months later and married Oct. 05.  We just celebrated 4 years and it's been fantastic!  I never would have thought that it would have turned out that way the night we met but it did...so you never know when it can happen for you.  

This whole journey can be so stressful just with the emotional toll it causes, so I totally understand where you are coming from.   Just remember, you  have a lot of support here!  I wish you nothing but the best! 

~Emily~

I know exactly how you feel! My parents are both overweight, particularly my dad. It's one of the reasons I ended up as big as I did. I learned my eating habits from them, and that's the type of food we always had in the house. But I have other family members who are stick thin and it bugs the hell out of me. My cousins can eat anything they want, fast food every single day, and they stay skinny. One even took supplements to try and gain weight and had trouble doing that, losing whatever few pounds he gained once he stopped. Yet here I am, needing most of my stomach cut out to get rid of the weight.

I've never had a relationship, and I believe it is because of my weight. It's not in my head that no one is interested in me, that's just the sad truth of it. I'll admit, and I know I'm not supposed to say this, but part of the reason I wanted surgery is because I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. It's not that I want to attract the type of shallow person that judges you for being overweight, but there is a big difference between being chubby and being obese. My #1 reason was still health, but I'm not gonna lie, this was part of it too.

I've lost 75 pounds so far and am feeling better about myself, so I hope that the next 75 and the 75 after that will really give me more confidence and self-esteem.

I have no answer ....Since if I did I sure would share it and most likely use it for myself.

Hmm what can I say... I my self have never been in a relationship...Sometimes I do blame my weight and know that the surgery can help fix that(and only that)... but truthfully I doubt its our weight... I think its how the weight has affected us...and we kind of use it as a barrier....So hopefully when I do get this weight off I can work on myself....Not saying I am a bad person or you are .... But I know I let the weight hold me back a lot......anyway good luck :-D

Hey surgery buddy! First of all, I can completely relate to the family issue. While many people in my extended family do also have weight issues, within my immediate family I'm the only person with serious weight issues. My mom is maybe 30 pounds overweight but considering I was 165 pounds overweight when I started the WLS process I don't really see 30 pounds as much of anything. I know one thing that has always been particularly tough for me is my younger sister. She and I are incredibly similar in features: we're both 5'11", have the exact same hair color, same eye color, and virtually identical bone structure. The only difference is that she weighs about 155, meaning I weighed more than double what she does- talk about frustrating! Especially considering I was incredibly active with sports my whole life and her idea of being involved with sports is sitting on the couch watching a football game. I definitely have gone through times when the "why me?" question just won't go away. To make matters worse, a few years ago my parents (who got divorced when I was in junior high) both remarried and I acquired step sisters who literally work as professional runway and print models. Let me tell you how great that was for my self-image. All I can say is I guess this was just the hand we were dealt in life and hopefully its purpose will eventually become clear. 
As for the second part of your post it sounds like you're going through a down period that I think is pretty common post-op. I know I went through one a few weeks ago, but mine had more to do with actual body image than how that would relate to a relationship. Personally I'm having what I know is a completely irrational belief that I look worse than did 100 pounds ago. The only thing I can think is that its simply my reaction to the new me. I was so used to my 330 pound self that regardless of all the positive changes I feel like I notice the negatives now more than I did before, almost as if I'm losing self-confidence, not gaining it. I know we talked about something similar about a month ago in support group and it definitely hit home with me. Have you gone to support group lately? If not, maybe you should try going, I know it helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything. Or maybe make an appointment with Keller? He's pretty good about talking through all of this stuff.  But anyways, I just want you to know that you are DEFINITELY not alone!!! And I'm sure it will get better with time as you get more adjusted to the new you. 

 I know exactly what you are talking about, my brother is a mountain biking rock climber with a 6 pack of abs that most humans would die for, both my parents are tiny.  I think I just ended up with the bad mix of genes, my mom's sisters are all heavy, and my dad's family are all fit. 

I think it is why I have decided to go ahead with the surgery, I envy their fitness. and want to be one of them. I have never let my weight stop me getting involved in sports, but lately I find myself holding back. 

good luck with everything.
j

Rant 1 and 2 are both valid.

Rant 1 - I say that as a woman who since puberty has been bigger than her mother...thats very hard to go through and on top of it looking exactly like my father (who everyone hated including my mother)...my mom is what ppl call drop dead gorgous and I was always in her shadow...now s far as family I also was the biggest one...Now since I have lost almost 90 pounds I am smaller than my mother and my other fat cousins...people look at me and say omg you are so beautiful and I'm like uhm same face just smaller smh...I will say I dont feel like the odd one out anymore and I can stand in the front as before I was always trying to hide. Don't concern yourself with why me...you had surgery the weight is coming off there was a cure to your weight problem...there are plenty of things people are going through that they cant have surgery for and will be stuck that way for life..so be thankful!

Ok

Rant 2 - I am 29 years old, single and no kids. People look at me like oh she must be crazy there is no way you can be that fine and single and I say you wanta bet...I refuse to settle! Concentrate on what you want for that woman...what you will tolerate and what are the manditory things... if you just want a girlfriend because you are lonely and feeling down you will end up with someone that will exploit you for that...I a going through the same thing and I have my moments when I say wtf is wrong with me that I am single...but I try not t stay in that place for too long...I am single because I have standards...and the same should apply to you! She is out there probably figuring out life like you!!

So keep up the good work and know that there are people here going through the same struggle as you!!

Stay Blessed!

Dawn

My parents have always been tall and skinny,as is everyone else in my family.
I however am short and obese...LOL. I feel like a freak.
My husband is 130...I was 215 when we we're married and now I'm 299. my highest weight was 315. I have a very supportive, loving, and handsome husband.
all the girls he dated before me were really cute and little. sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with him for loving me. All of his pretty co worker**** on him in front of me.

I don't consider myself "appealing" in any way....I guess I just got super lucky.

Pray for a healthy relationship, and let God lead it.  ^_^