Considering WLS

 I don't even know where to begin.  I'm 22 and I've been fat all my life.  Everything I have ever done has been shaded by this.  I love food, though.  However, I do NOT gorge myself or sneak food or anything of the sort.  My mom has even attested to the fact that when I was a child I'd eat more than the other kids, but we always ate the healthy stuff--I've never met a fruit or vegetable I didn't like.  I started Weigh****chers first when I was in the 3rd grade and continued on with that for most of my life.  When I truly had success with WW, I wasn't really doing it.  I was only successful when I would exercise 5mi/day, eat only thin soup.  I was about 14 at the time and I got down to 170lbs. and felt fabulous (I was about 5'6 then, I'm 5'8 now).  I am so tremendously frustrated because when people look at me, they draw conclusions about my character--that I'm fat and lazy and slovenly.  In reality, I graduated college (a 4 year degree) in 2.5 years.  I hate the stereotypes:  I've been into a buffet maybe a handful of times in my life, I've always drunk 1% milk, my family has NEVER allowed "real" cokes in the house, I eat light bread, light cheese, boneless skinless chicken, sugar free salad dressing, and I fill my cart with the foods on the perimenter.  And yeah, sure, I might have a candy bar on the occasion that I do go to the theater, or if it's a friend's birthday I might have an Asian dinnerand/or a ****tail.  I could see how this might lead to me being, oh, 20lbs. overweight.  I'm 125+pounds overweight!  I'm tired of being made tired by something I didn't choose, and something that continuously nags on me.  It's not for lack of want--I've been trying to lose weight from nearly the beginning.

I digress.  Having spent my formative years in WW, I have this overwhelming feeling from that teaching that WLS is "cheating."  That my desire to lose weight through surgery is indicative of the very behavior that got me into this mess in the first place.  

Also, I have fears.  I love food.  I always have.  I love going to the farmer's market, cooking it with family, and eating it with friends.  My desire to lead a long, healthy life is stronger than my desire to eat, but I truly love food.  Not the eating of it, really, but the art of it.  Still, eating is a component, and I don't want to lose that.  To tell me I can never, under any cir****tances eat ___ again would be like taking the brush from the artist.  

Finally, I'm most scared of failure.  Apparently, despite my own views of my eating habits, I do not eat as I should.  I promise you I have tried my damndest already.  If that didn't work, who's to say WLS is any different?  Am I just doomed to fail?  Am I simply sisophys rolling that great dieting rock up the hill, condemned to fail for eternity?  

 I just want to start by saying that what I just read could have been something I was saying just 8 months ago when I started my wls journey.  Like you, I have been overweight/obese my entire life! I think I was in 5th grade when I started WW but pretty much the same story. I would lose weight but it was never because of the diet, it was because I was exercising like a maniac! And I always go discouraged on WW and ended up gaining the weight back and then some. I'm not sure what finally changed to make me say that I'd had enough and was ready to accept that I needed something to help me and for me, that something was WLS. I had surgery on June 30 and I've lost 50lbs since surgery (80 total). I know for a fact I personally wouldn't have been able to do it without the surgery, but that's a decision that everyone has to make for themselves. And honestly, if you've been eating healthy for most of your life, you diet probably won't change too drastically- your portion sizes will. I've gone out and eaten mexican food and asian food, I'm just smarted about my choices at the restaurants. I also wasn't convinced that I wasn't going to fail at WLS, but having had surgery, it really hasn't been as much of a sacrifice as I thought it was going to be. I'm not saying its been easy, but if you do choose to have WLS you'll have your tool helping you loose weight and you'll always have the support of others going through the same thing you are here on OH. Just read through a lot of our stories and posts, we all fall off the wagon at some point, its just a matter of getting back on and moving forward. I'm not sure if that helps at all, but hopefully it doe. If you ever want to talk or ask questions feel free to private message me.

Carissa

 Hey!!  

You sound like me and so many others on this board.  I was always angry at myself asking, "Why can't I just get ahold of my eating?"  I too ate very well...I never had fast food, my mom never gave us sugary stuff...I never had a juice box until I was probably in middle school.  I grew up on a farm, so we had fresh everything at our disposal.  But the down side of that was that I ate enough for about 2 grown men.  It wasn't what I ate, it was how much.  My friends and I have been friends for about 19+ years now and they are my family, but we tend to just eat and eat when we are together so it was like a free ticket to eat/drink poorly when I was around them.  Totally my fault though, no one forced me.  Needless to say, school was hard but I was the funny fat girl, so I survived (not laughing inside of course)...college was better but I was introduced to alcohol and that didn't help my waistline.  

I'm a self proclaimed foodie!  My mom cooked but she doesn't like to so I took on the responsibility of cooking for our family around age 14.  Sometimes I'd just make my own food (which was huge plates of pasta or rice..yikes).   Through the years I've perfected my basics of cooking and baking and am experimenting all the time.  WLS has actually given me such a creative drive in my cooking.  Now I look at a recipe and ask myself what I can do to still get the flavor but cut out some of the bad stuff.  Spices are my best friend!  I  never cooked with more than a little salt, pepper and garlic before but now I use every spice of the world.  I don't feel deprived whatsoever..in fact, I feel fantastic and that I'm eating well and it's way tastier than before.   As I've stated time and time again on this board, I'm not about the all or nothing attitude.  It's not realistic to say that I will never eat _____ again...I'll just end up wanting more and binging!  I feel like if I can control a little bit of this or that ON OCCASION, not every day, then that's being a normal person which is why I got this surgery in the first place.  It's learning how to control our behavior and stopping when we know we need to.    Easy?  No!!  But it's a learning process that we all have never had to control before...we are going to slip up but we have to recognize it and move on.  

Failure was always circling around my head.  The funny thing is, I was the hardest on myself than anyone.  I really never failed anything, I just thought I did and therefore would be depressed.  Make this your turning point...don't allow yourself to fail.  I look at my WLS as my last option, I don't really have anymore after this so I am responsible for MAKING this work.  It's scary sometimes but I feel confident that even if I screw up I can pick right back up and do better next time.  You have to take it day by day otherwise it's too overwhelming....tomorrow will take care of itself.  

Best of luck to you and please message me or just post if you need anymore advice or have any questions....or want to swap recipes!  :-)  

Edited because I spelled my name  wrong...good grief....

~Emily~  

 You sound like me. Or like me before surgery. I've been fat my entire life and unable to lose the weight. I also hate the stereotypes. I'm an intelligent guy, 3.7 GPA, but losing weight is not as easy as people act like it should be. It's a really difficult thing to do. That is where WLS comes in. 

I'm a VSGer, like the first person that responded. I feel that my choice to have this surgery is one of the smartest decisions I have ever made. The truth is, WLS IS different. It's that extra push you need to really drop the weight for good. I don't know about the other surgeries, but the beauty of the VSG is that I can still eat the things I enjoy, just a hell of a lot less. I had a taco the other night (low carb tortillas are great) and felt like I had just eaten a massive plate of nachos. lol 

I know I'm still not all that far out from surgery, so I can't say definitively that I am not going to fail, but I am confident I will succeed. 

hey girl, i just wanted to wellcome you to the board!!!!. as the other girls said, that could be writen by any of us. that's why ur gonna love it here, all this girls and guys share same feelings and we've been  there. so you'll find here lots of support and answers. everyone here is great!!!.

good luck finding out if WLS is the way to go for you. but i'll tell you this if u have the oportunity to have surgery do it! u won't regret it. this is a great  "tool" to take control of ur life again.
and do lot of reserch ask lots of cuestions, go to everyones blog and read the stories they all are worth  to be read.

hugs!!!

Hello I just wanted to say I know exactly where you are coming from and I wanted to tell you to make sure you check out all the surgical options I myself am looking into the Doudenal Switch surgery becasue I didnt wanted to have the you can no longer eat this food or that. Well I hope that made sence to you LOL
Good luck with whatever you decide
Nikki

I totally understand how you feel. When my mom had surgery I was on WW and I really thought it would be the last diet I'd ever be on. I didnt think I could handle the food restrictions then after hearing what weigh****chers let me eat. I was also proud of myself for doing it the 'right' way and I was sure WW would bring me where I wanted to be in a reasonable amount of time. I was very wrong... I was on WW for 10 months and only lost ~30 lbs. I just couldn'tget below 190. Meanwhile my mother who started around 300 lbs had lost over a hundred and was starting to steal my size 16 jeans. I was still thinking though.. well it may be extra slow but at least I won't have any scars on my stomach in the end. Then one fateful morning I wake up at 3AM in severe pain (that I thought was acid reflux) and after 2 hours of taking Mylanta and trying to wait it through I went to the ER. They did an ultrasound and found out I had gallstones and would need to have my gallbladder taken out with laproscopic surgery sometime if I didn't want the pain to reoccur or to develop a complication. I look up online to find out how people get gallstones and I find out part of it's because of my weight, and being on diets, etc.  I go to see a surgeon to discuss it and find out they have to use the same amount of holes as my mom's gastric bypass.... WTF... even doing things in what I thought was the 'right' way I still ended up having to have surgery!?!? So I started re-evaluating the option. I realized I was strong enough to give up those foods. I realized this was my only real option left. I also did not want to continue my destructive dieting pattern and have to have gallbladder surgery if I knew that eventually I would probably want RNY as well. I wanted both done at the same time and that's a routine procedure.
So... I know how you feel wanting to do it the traditional way, but please consider all the statistics here. Only 2-5% of people who try to lose the weight through diet and exercise do so and are able to keep it off long term. RNY has a statistic of over 80% success in comparison, and Lap band has about a 50-60% success rate. You're taking your odds for success and multiplying them by 10 and then some by choosing surgery. The reality is that if you work for the surgery it will work for you. You have to take your vitamins, you have to get in your protein, all the recovery time, not having a whole bowl of ice cream... There are a lot of sacrifices you have to make but they are SO worth it because you actually succeed. And in that way, it IS the easier way out... There I said it... Why is it easier? Cause it's possible. For some people, and I count myself as one, it's the only way to get there and stay there at goal. It's much easier for me to lose weight this way than it ever was on weigh****chers or any other diet.  It's no cup of tea though! I am still eating like a dieting person would. I don't get to eat cookies cake and candy and still get to lose. My body has not been magically altered so that I could eat whatever I want.... yet it's easier because I can say for a fact I'm not hungry and mean it much more often now. But what's wrong with easier really? When was the last time you did something the harder way for no other reason than people expected you to? And would you do it that way even if you knew you would fail every time? ....
These are just my opinions... and I really do respect your decision if you aren't ready for surgery. I wasn't when my mom had surgery. I was not okay with having only a bite of ice cream or whatever was everyone else was having. I thought I could get what I wanted (to be thin and healthy) and still have a bowl of ice cream every now and then. WW proved me wrong there though... I also saw my mom eating and realized that she wasn't really giving anything up. she still got to taste anything she wanted. That's not so bad considering the rewards. I barely even tasted my food when I ate it, eating as fast as I did. Now it takes me the same amount of time to eat a half cup of scrambled eggs as it did to eat a whole bowl of pasta before. I was never much of a cook but if you are a foodie, there's always: http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/