Life's changing for me. Exciting and Terrifying.
I always was confident before surgery. I had resigned myself to being fat for the rest of my life, so I concentrated on my other good qualities instead. I'm intelligent, I'm funny, I've got amazing friends, and could still attract men, have a family that loves me, so hell, life was okay.
Now, I'm even more confident. Not only do I still have all of the above qualities (not to sound vain, cause I'm really not), I feel beautiful (90% of the time). In my clothes.
Naked, however, I feel like a melted pile of silly putty. One look in the mirror in the nude makes me feel horrible. My breasts are completely f*%ked up. It's been really hard to deal with lately, and I don't know why. When people tell me I look great, my first thought is, "Ha. You should see me naked and attempt to say that again."
On the up-side, I finally decided to ditch the guy I've been seeing off and on for the past four years. He won't commit to something more substantial, and I have the confidence in myself to demand more of my relationship. I know there's someone out there who will want to be with me for more than sex and friendship.
That being said, I'm scared to jump in to the dating scene again. Not that sex is what it's all about, but I'm terrified to take my clothes off in front of someone new. I get much more attention from the men I meet, and it really feels like I'm committing fraud.
I'm also in my last year of college. This semster is going to kick my ass, but I'm working hard to get my degree. It finally feels like I'm going somewhere with my life. Exciting, and terrifying all at the same time.
I finally feel able to wish for things I never thought possible before. But, the bigger the dreams, the more scary it gets.
I don't know what kind of responses I'll get to this, but it makes me feel better to get all of my "crazy" out and written down! Thanks for listening, and I'm totally open to advice.
Thanks!!!
Now, I'm even more confident. Not only do I still have all of the above qualities (not to sound vain, cause I'm really not), I feel beautiful (90% of the time). In my clothes.
Naked, however, I feel like a melted pile of silly putty. One look in the mirror in the nude makes me feel horrible. My breasts are completely f*%ked up. It's been really hard to deal with lately, and I don't know why. When people tell me I look great, my first thought is, "Ha. You should see me naked and attempt to say that again."
On the up-side, I finally decided to ditch the guy I've been seeing off and on for the past four years. He won't commit to something more substantial, and I have the confidence in myself to demand more of my relationship. I know there's someone out there who will want to be with me for more than sex and friendship.
That being said, I'm scared to jump in to the dating scene again. Not that sex is what it's all about, but I'm terrified to take my clothes off in front of someone new. I get much more attention from the men I meet, and it really feels like I'm committing fraud.
I'm also in my last year of college. This semster is going to kick my ass, but I'm working hard to get my degree. It finally feels like I'm going somewhere with my life. Exciting, and terrifying all at the same time.
I finally feel able to wish for things I never thought possible before. But, the bigger the dreams, the more scary it gets.
I don't know what kind of responses I'll get to this, but it makes me feel better to get all of my "crazy" out and written down! Thanks for listening, and I'm totally open to advice.
Thanks!!!
It is scary, you are going through some big changes! But ya know, good for you for recognizing what you needed to change and anticipating things to come. I love your silly putty comment, because ain't that the truth? If you find a really good, understanding guy the skin will not even be an issue.
Congratulations on finishing up school...it really is a milestone considering you've been going to school for the past 17 years! Now it's off to new, bigger things...but you can do it and it sounds like you have the confidence to do great. I believe everything that happnes is for a reason, so I'm sure things in life are bound to happen not the way you intended but they will work out, life usually does.
Keep up the great attitude and never be afraid to just vent about the crazy feelings, it really does help put things in perspective!
~Emily~
Congratulations on finishing up school...it really is a milestone considering you've been going to school for the past 17 years! Now it's off to new, bigger things...but you can do it and it sounds like you have the confidence to do great. I believe everything that happnes is for a reason, so I'm sure things in life are bound to happen not the way you intended but they will work out, life usually does.
Keep up the great attitude and never be afraid to just vent about the crazy feelings, it really does help put things in perspective!
~Emily~
"Tis better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not"
""""I get much more attention from the men I meet, and it really feels like I'm committing fraud."""""". hahahahaahahahahaa u couldn´t describe it better!!! loved it!
and yes it is really hard, but think that this is a great oportunity to dosmised all the guys who are not worth it. when a guy is really in to a girl and have real feelings for her, they don´t care about all this flaws that u see in you. that prolly its not as bad as you think. women care 2 much about this stuff and most of the time men don´t even notice it!. ofcorse if u meet a guy in a party and have sex is not the best scenario, it migth be a lil uncorfortable altho u can allways turn off the lights lol.
and i totaly know how u feel. now i'm more selfconseous of my body than i was before i am only 15-20 lbs away from "my goal " (not my dr's lol) 128 lbs and sometimes i feel that surgery didn´t work " i'm all f.. up" i know! but i think is the way women are we never happy we always want more!!!. and we will have more!!! haha.
as a guy friend told me ones, and i try to always remember that
""""""" YOU LOOK WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK"""""""". so there you go think about that lol
hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur not alone...
and yes it is really hard, but think that this is a great oportunity to dosmised all the guys who are not worth it. when a guy is really in to a girl and have real feelings for her, they don´t care about all this flaws that u see in you. that prolly its not as bad as you think. women care 2 much about this stuff and most of the time men don´t even notice it!. ofcorse if u meet a guy in a party and have sex is not the best scenario, it migth be a lil uncorfortable altho u can allways turn off the lights lol.
and i totaly know how u feel. now i'm more selfconseous of my body than i was before i am only 15-20 lbs away from "my goal " (not my dr's lol) 128 lbs and sometimes i feel that surgery didn´t work " i'm all f.. up" i know! but i think is the way women are we never happy we always want more!!!. and we will have more!!! haha.
as a guy friend told me ones, and i try to always remember that
""""""" YOU LOOK WAY BETTER THAN YOU THINK"""""""". so there you go think about that lol
hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur not alone...
There are lots of men out there who dont care about little stuff like that..Its all in the confidence a women has..and you seem like you have that...Believe me..I take polls from all the men in my life all the time even my husband..I was lucky in the fact that my husband finds me very sexy with curves and I ask him all the time " you know Im gonna have lose saggy skin after, right?" and he says that a real man wont care about that.. its all in how a woman carries herself..Ive seen it alot..I know lots of girls who are really large and they have kids and they are married to guys who took them on with weight and kids who wernt their's.. and these are really good guys..not jerks..so yo have nothing to worry about..the right guy will come along and you will know it when it happens..dont ever try to turn a bad guy into a good guy..just keep up the good work with school and have your life all together and any man will find that attractive..congrats with school..Dani
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