relationships after wls

hey ya'll :)

hope everybody is having a great hump day!! 

ive been struggling latley emotionally. i had sugery 4 months ago and then moved across the country with my boyfriend (hes originally from the midwest).

anyways, the past 2 weeks i feel like im seriously going nuts! i broke down last week and realized part of it all was me not dealing with everything thats happened for the past 4 months. i mean major surgery and moving 2000 miles from home not being able to see my family whenever i want is totally a hardcore adventure!

i now realize why they have pshychiatrists in some surgeons offices for after care!

my question to all of you with bfs or gfs or even husbands or wives....

how have you seen or see your relationships changing after wls ? 

i see myself wanting to play the game again out there. when my boyfriend has supported me no matter what after surgery and before. (heck he said he'd love me no matter what i decided surgery or not because i was beautiful in every way to him regardless. hes rubbed my back puking after my first dump, hes just been overwhelmingly amazing). i work close to somebody else now ive been refering to as a work spouse. lol. i see myself intrigued by him when never ever in my relationship have i ever even really noticed any other guys cause im so in love with my boy. i dont know what makes him differant. and i dont know if what makes me push away from my bf lately is the talk of engagement.

and then i started reading somewhere its common that some people get divorced after wls because they feel like such changed people.

tell me your story or anything.

thanks in advance!
<3
am

So I guess my experience is a little different. I met my current bf before I had surgery (while at work) and we talked and stuff at work but never hung out outside of work. We started dating just about 2 months after my surgery and he has been so encouraging, though he sometimes foregets that I can't drink with my meals, that idea just seems weird to him still, he has been really sweet about everything and has even started going to dr. apt with me so that I dont have to go by myself plus he wants to learn more about wls and how it has changed my lifestyle. good luck with your situation, dont make any irrational life altering decisons about leaving ur guy until you really think them through but I can completely understand feeling like a different person after wls

thanks girl!

yea i feel like a b feeling this way because my current has been aamazing during this whole thing. i am very lucky to have him and it kills me sometimes im thinking these crazy thoughts!! 

and your right this is def not a time to be making big decisons! i cant wait till this irrational emotional stage ends! ! 

Hey! 

I've been married to my husband going on 4 years this Oct.  If nothing, I see that our relationship has gotten better since my surgery and weight loss. 

My stance on things like this, regardless of weight loss surgery or not, is really the old saying of the grass is always greener on the other side.  Yes, it is tempting now that I get more attention to wonder what life would be like.  But I think it's just the idea, newness and rush of a new relationship.   I'll be the first to admit long-term dating and married life can be boring so the idea of something new and fresh can be quite appealting.  HOWEVER, I wouldn't trade my family for anyone else.  If you are really with a good, supportive person it would be foolish to give it all up.  Think about your life without that person and if you would be willing to go on without them.  I couldn't and some, unfortunately don't get the chance to decide (my best friend lost her husband in a horrible accident last year when he was only 28). 

Really think about if you are really willing to give up everything you already have and if it's really so bad.  If it's not so good, maybe it's time to leave but if things are good already why lose that?  Marriage and relationships are extremely hard and take lots of work (as I'm sure you know!) regardless of who you are with, but the payoff is worth it!

Good luck!

~Emily~

thank you emily!! yea ive been reallly thinking long and hard about this for about a week now. its a tough situation and i agree with you i think ill be crazy to give him up when we've taken the last 2 years to build where we are today and hes been insanely supportive.

i think my heart would always go on saying 'why?!'

i appreciate your response. it helped me think more.

your always so helpful!

<3
am

ooo i know how you feel. i havent posted about it but i just ended my engagement with the man i was with for just over a year and a half LAST WEEK!
BUT although he supported my decision to have weight loss surgery he was never very attentive to my needs pre and post op...
I understand that some people are just not affectionate, but i am and i feel like i should get what i give, u know? I guess losing the weight made me realize that i didnt have to settle for less then i felt i deserved.
Anyway...we are still talking but not back together and i have seen an EXTREME change in him already..he's paying SO much attention to me now. lol
I love him and would be completely satisfied if i just got some more loving! lol
good luck with your situation...if you need to take a step back and find yourself, you are entitled to that!!

=)

hey blanca,
im so sorry girl !! but yes you ROCK and im so glad you made that decison not to settle until you feel like you have what you deserve! i wish all women would think like that!!
if you ever need to talk def please email me!! i love to listen! *Hugs*

i think im just having issues at the moment because ive been going thru alot of **** at once and actually not deciding to deal with them until this past week when it all started 4 months ago. i need to be more in tune with my body during this transitional phase we are all in also.

and believe me, ive been taking giant steps back the past few days, going over things in my head! lol. thinking about life with him in it and him out of it, moving out of our apt for a while, yadda yadda. i dont think i could just say good bye, esp since hes done so much for me and is amazing.

its just a hard situation! ill update if anything major changes!

<3333

I’m one of those “got a divorce after WLS surgery" peeps (well, I will be anyway). Right now we’re separated and I’ll file as soon as I can.   It’s for a bunch of reasons too many to name, but having the surgery opened my eyes to a healthier lifestyle that my husband wants no part of, and also that we had problems before. The WLS magnified them. I love him dearly, but I’m not “in love" with him anymore.

*hugs*

thank you for sharing your experiance with me!

<3

I just had WLS 18 days ago but I've been with my bf for over 5 years now. I'm really not sure how it will change our relationship.. I know whether he knows it or not that he's treated me differently when I was bigger versus smaller, even though I was always rather big.. smallest was a size 16/14  I think... When I'm smaller he tends to call me more often, be more affectionate, etc... and when I'm bigger I notice him forgetting about me more, not being the instigator when we have sex, etc. It bothers me a bit, but he doesn't really notice, and he thinks he's always the same.

My opinion on my weight has always been. I think I look good but I don't expect anyone else to. If they do, it's a good surprise... So any men I've been around through my relationship, even though I may have liked some, it was much easier not to pu**** cause I 'knew' that they were too good for me. They wouldn't want to be with a fat chick.

I love my boyfriend.. he's very sweet to me, he makes me laugh and stuff, but he's made his share of mistakes... He's not responsible with school or work.... he's cheated on me multiple times and .... if I'm honest with myself, maybe I deserve better.... yet, he could be better someday... people make mistakes.... so I'm sticking it out. I have hope he'll change and become a responsible person before I gain my own self confidence enough to know that I could be with another guy who's more grown up and still funny and adventurous, so long as I find one.

I wouldn't consider it otherwise, but since he's looked for other girl's outside of our relationship, l may just consider doing the same to him. Turn about is fair play, and he takes me for granted too often.

Then again, maybe I'll be happier or feel more secure with him once I lose the weight.. who knows.

Maybe you could try doing new things with your bf so that you spark the romance a little, many guys are friendly and I think we can forget at times what drew us to our men in the first place... especially if you're both changing so much. You have to work at your relationship to keep it going.

Incidentally, my boyfriend once had a work girlfriend, and it upset me a lot. They hugged each other and went out to lunch alone together on non work days. They even joked they were together. It was a bad joke really, especially since I knew the girl liked my man and that he liked her back. I didn't mind the friendship... but the things they did and jokes they made were really disrespectful. When I asked them to stop my boyfriend respected it but the girl refused to, so he ended up having to end their friendship. Sooo be careful what you do there, you could really hurt your guy and lose his trust.