Family Trauma over WLS
I'm having such a hard time right now. I can't even explain what I'm gowing through, but I'll try. This board is really the only place I can go to; It's the only place anyone would understand possibly where I'm coming from.
My mother was the one who brought the idea of lapband to my attention. She really pushed it and thought it would make me happier to have something so strong help be lose weight. Of course, she was right and a year after she gave me the option I finally decided I was ready. Everything was going fine until she found out I told somebody I was getting the surgery. She immediately blew up and couldn't believe I was telling people. She says she is looking out for me and doesn't want anyone to bother me about it or judge me. I said fine, I understood, and that, for those reasons, I didn't want to tell anyone either.
Well, I really wanted to tell somebody so A while ago I told my friends Ellie about it, who's mother is my mothers best friend. I really find this irrelevant. My mom found out today that I told Ellie (because I she asked if I told anyone and I just simple said yes) and she FREAKED out. That is an understatement. She got so mad at me, as if it was all abotu her. She is so worried that Ellie told her mom and her mom told their other friends. She started crying and yelling at me and calling me ungreatful and selfish. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so awful and it makes me hurt so bad that my mother is acting like this. I don't understand it what so ever. I'm getting the surgery. It is my body. I should be able to tell anyone I want to. It has nothing to do with her. I feel like she is embarassed about it and doesn't want her friends to know or judge her.
I jsut don't know how to feel. I've been crying all morning and I just hate my mom right now. How can someone be so selfish?
I could really use some advice or if anyone has gone through something similar please let me know!
-Ash
My mother was the one who brought the idea of lapband to my attention. She really pushed it and thought it would make me happier to have something so strong help be lose weight. Of course, she was right and a year after she gave me the option I finally decided I was ready. Everything was going fine until she found out I told somebody I was getting the surgery. She immediately blew up and couldn't believe I was telling people. She says she is looking out for me and doesn't want anyone to bother me about it or judge me. I said fine, I understood, and that, for those reasons, I didn't want to tell anyone either.
Well, I really wanted to tell somebody so A while ago I told my friends Ellie about it, who's mother is my mothers best friend. I really find this irrelevant. My mom found out today that I told Ellie (because I she asked if I told anyone and I just simple said yes) and she FREAKED out. That is an understatement. She got so mad at me, as if it was all abotu her. She is so worried that Ellie told her mom and her mom told their other friends. She started crying and yelling at me and calling me ungreatful and selfish. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so awful and it makes me hurt so bad that my mother is acting like this. I don't understand it what so ever. I'm getting the surgery. It is my body. I should be able to tell anyone I want to. It has nothing to do with her. I feel like she is embarassed about it and doesn't want her friends to know or judge her.
I jsut don't know how to feel. I've been crying all morning and I just hate my mom right now. How can someone be so selfish?
I could really use some advice or if anyone has gone through something similar please let me know!
-Ash
Wow... You are totally in the right here. It's your decision to make whether or not you want to tell people or not. It's nothing to be ashamed of and your mother really needs to get a grip. It's your life not hers. Maybe you should try to explain to your mother the reasons why this surgery is not something to be ashamed of ... maybe it would make her feel better about people knowing. Some people are just too concerned with their friends or relatives keeping up a good appearance and maybe your mother is one of those people. It sounds like she might have wanted you to get lap band for that reason but for the same reason she didn't want anyone to know you had it. She needs counseling or something. Just try to keep your spirits up as you deal with your mom. It's not you. Maybe you should warn your mom if she can't be a supportive person in this journey you'll just have to tell more people so you can find others to help you through.
good luck!
good luck!
As hurtful as it is to hear this, I feel like it's exactly what is going on. The sad part, she is the one that has been with me through this entire journey. She goes to all the appointments with me, she does all th research, she is going to be there on the day of the surgery. She is just going out of her way to make this as easy as possible for me, but then these sudden outbursts just break my heart. It's as if all this help is nothing but her own selfishness and a way to keep up appearances.
I know in the end, all she wants is for me to be happy. But her happy and my happy are completely different.
I know in the end, all she wants is for me to be happy. But her happy and my happy are completely different.
Though I may be out of it for a few days cause my surgery is tomorrow 
I'll be back soon though!
Man ashley that is rough. While your mom might be embarrased to the max, it sounds like she is really supporting you going through this process which is awesome.
My parents had 5 kids within a 7 year timeframe and things were tough to say the least. Fast forward 20 years and all the kids are grown and my mom has told me on a few occasions that she really feels that all of the problems her kids have, including our obesity, was her fault. She talks about what she could have done better while we were young to prevent the problems we now face. Maybe that is your mom's real issue, by telling everyone you're having WLS it's almost an admittance of her failure.
Whether or not that thought process is rational is irrelevent, it could be how she feels. I'd assue her that now you are an adult and you are making the decision that is right for your future. Just assure her that you tell the people close to you because you need their love and support through this process.
It takes a village :)
Good Luck on your surgery!!! I am sure you'll do great!
My parents had 5 kids within a 7 year timeframe and things were tough to say the least. Fast forward 20 years and all the kids are grown and my mom has told me on a few occasions that she really feels that all of the problems her kids have, including our obesity, was her fault. She talks about what she could have done better while we were young to prevent the problems we now face. Maybe that is your mom's real issue, by telling everyone you're having WLS it's almost an admittance of her failure.
Whether or not that thought process is rational is irrelevent, it could be how she feels. I'd assue her that now you are an adult and you are making the decision that is right for your future. Just assure her that you tell the people close to you because you need their love and support through this process.
It takes a village :)
Good Luck on your surgery!!! I am sure you'll do great!
- Patti
True Change comes from within.
True Change comes from within.
oh girl moms have that hability to hurt our feelings. my mom was sooooooooo afraid of me having the surgery she really had a realy bad time and she still worry alot. i had something diferent i just told my closest friends and my parents told everyone!! i was like are u serious? is my decision if i wanna tell people or not i`m the one who is having the surgery. is same with u is your decision , i know it most hurt real bad. but girl try to talk to her when she calms down. tell her that her support is very importatn for you but u also need support! from ur friends also, they are gonna be around and they have to know what u are going through.
I think that she is afraid of other mom to judge her about leting her daughter to have WLS as such a young age. but honestly i think is one of the best gift she could give u is like giving you life again. and i`m being serious when i say that. let her see the forum so she can realized that this surgery helps a lot of young women like you to be happy with themselfs again.
and you mom is gonna be soo happy when u start losing the weight that she is gonna want to show u off everywhere!!!!.
hang in there and try to talk to her again
good luck!!!!!
and HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is ridiculous.
And yeah she might be being selfish.
Or maybe she really does want to protect you from all the judgemental people who feel like weight loss with surgery doesn't count.
And/or have you hear all the crap they have to say.
But ultimately it is your body. Your decision.
Sorry you are going through this ((((Hugs))))
Summer
And yeah she might be being selfish.
Or maybe she really does want to protect you from all the judgemental people who feel like weight loss with surgery doesn't count.
And/or have you hear all the crap they have to say.
But ultimately it is your body. Your decision.
Sorry you are going through this ((((Hugs))))
Summer
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