Bit of a rough patch...
Okay, I'm going to be honest here. I'm completely ashamed of myself, astonished, disgusted. I'm scared that I messed up pretty badly and possibly ruined the "good thing" that I worked so damned hard for.
Okay, I'm 4 months out now and I'm down 63 lbs since surgery! Which is great, I'm happy with that. I'm not sad or discouraged by that at all, it's amazing to me. Lately though, I see myself slipping into old habits. Since surgery I have been having issues with eating in general. I know I don't get enough protein in, I no longer tolerate all meat except fish/shrimp, which I honestly hate to eat more than 2-3 times a week. I've tried cooking red meat/chicken/pork/turkey all different ways but I just don't seem to tolerate it, so I don't eat it. I'm not a great cook, either, by any means. I eat refried beans with a little cheese sprinkled on top once a day and other than that...I just "wing it".
Lately I find myself doing destructive things to my progress. It's almost like I'm regressing. I'm snacking on silly things like a few chips or a small handful of Chex Mix. I'll snack on other things like fruit and veggies, but in my mind I'm just okay that because they are healthy choices. I have a terrible oral fixation that my psych/nut and I never knew I had until after surgery. I attribute it to smoking for so long and then quitting just before surgery (like, the day of lol ) So I eat sunflower seeds like it's going out of style. If I'm in front of the computer for a long period of time that is what I will do, and I almost unconsciously buy them. It's....terrible. I feel so guilty.
I think the worst though...I made a bag of popcorn the other night and over the course of 2 hours I finished the whole ******g thing. Yes. I did. I ate it all. POPCORN. Ugh. What is my damn problem? The other day I went into town for an interview and afterwards I stopped at McDonalds and bought a small fry and a small chocolate shake. I ended up getting terribly ill but, I bought them and tried to eat them....
What is my issue here. My big fear is that I feel hungry (which I know I am probably not) all the time and I think maybe I've stretched out or hurt my pouch. I am so embarrassed and ashamed by everything I've done in the last month that I don't even think I could tell my Nut/Surgeon. I'm just scared. And I know it's why I've been stalled a few lbs over 200 for a few weeks. It's like my brain isn't letting me do the things I very well know I need to do.
I'm sorry this is so long, I've just kinda hit rock bottom and I hate to let anyone down and I'm hoping someone has been in my situation.
Okay, I'm 4 months out now and I'm down 63 lbs since surgery! Which is great, I'm happy with that. I'm not sad or discouraged by that at all, it's amazing to me. Lately though, I see myself slipping into old habits. Since surgery I have been having issues with eating in general. I know I don't get enough protein in, I no longer tolerate all meat except fish/shrimp, which I honestly hate to eat more than 2-3 times a week. I've tried cooking red meat/chicken/pork/turkey all different ways but I just don't seem to tolerate it, so I don't eat it. I'm not a great cook, either, by any means. I eat refried beans with a little cheese sprinkled on top once a day and other than that...I just "wing it".
Lately I find myself doing destructive things to my progress. It's almost like I'm regressing. I'm snacking on silly things like a few chips or a small handful of Chex Mix. I'll snack on other things like fruit and veggies, but in my mind I'm just okay that because they are healthy choices. I have a terrible oral fixation that my psych/nut and I never knew I had until after surgery. I attribute it to smoking for so long and then quitting just before surgery (like, the day of lol ) So I eat sunflower seeds like it's going out of style. If I'm in front of the computer for a long period of time that is what I will do, and I almost unconsciously buy them. It's....terrible. I feel so guilty.
I think the worst though...I made a bag of popcorn the other night and over the course of 2 hours I finished the whole ******g thing. Yes. I did. I ate it all. POPCORN. Ugh. What is my damn problem? The other day I went into town for an interview and afterwards I stopped at McDonalds and bought a small fry and a small chocolate shake. I ended up getting terribly ill but, I bought them and tried to eat them....
What is my issue here. My big fear is that I feel hungry (which I know I am probably not) all the time and I think maybe I've stretched out or hurt my pouch. I am so embarrassed and ashamed by everything I've done in the last month that I don't even think I could tell my Nut/Surgeon. I'm just scared. And I know it's why I've been stalled a few lbs over 200 for a few weeks. It's like my brain isn't letting me do the things I very well know I need to do.
I'm sorry this is so long, I've just kinda hit rock bottom and I hate to let anyone down and I'm hoping someone has been in my situation.
Hi!
First off, congrats on your 63lbs you have lost so far.
Your story sounds identical to mine and probably many many others on this board. After so many years of compulsive eating (which is what you are doing, btw) it's a hard habit to break. We use food to cope with stress, happiness, sadness, etc. so when that's taken away we feel lost (ie, the small fries and shake).
I have gotten to the point where I allow myself 1 or 2 small snacks a day if I'm eating well the rest of the time. The "all or nothing" attitude just doesn't work for me..if I know I can't have a snack, I'm going to want it more. I don't go crazy..a piece of fruit or some almonds but it works for me to control binging on something else. We have to be realistic and think in long term goals. You can't beat yourself up for eating popcorn ( I tolerate popcorn well and eat it maybe once a week)...maybe not the whole bag but why not get some 100 calorie bags so you can at least control how much you are eating. Plus, who wants to go through the rest of our long lives saying I will never eat this or that again? My philosophy is that I got this surgery to be like a normal weight person, normal weight people eat popcorn...not everyday but they do and it's ok!
I'm not sure what to tell you about your protein problems but definately talk to your nutritionist about it, they are there to help you. I was going to suggest eating more beans (which it sounds like you are doing) possibly tofu? Are you drinking protein shakes? Since you feel so lost, try logging your food for awhile so you know where you are at as far as protein and calories go...it may not be as bad as you think.
Good luck to you and don't get down...we all have these same struggles every single day.
~Emily~
First off, congrats on your 63lbs you have lost so far.
Your story sounds identical to mine and probably many many others on this board. After so many years of compulsive eating (which is what you are doing, btw) it's a hard habit to break. We use food to cope with stress, happiness, sadness, etc. so when that's taken away we feel lost (ie, the small fries and shake).
I have gotten to the point where I allow myself 1 or 2 small snacks a day if I'm eating well the rest of the time. The "all or nothing" attitude just doesn't work for me..if I know I can't have a snack, I'm going to want it more. I don't go crazy..a piece of fruit or some almonds but it works for me to control binging on something else. We have to be realistic and think in long term goals. You can't beat yourself up for eating popcorn ( I tolerate popcorn well and eat it maybe once a week)...maybe not the whole bag but why not get some 100 calorie bags so you can at least control how much you are eating. Plus, who wants to go through the rest of our long lives saying I will never eat this or that again? My philosophy is that I got this surgery to be like a normal weight person, normal weight people eat popcorn...not everyday but they do and it's ok!
I'm not sure what to tell you about your protein problems but definately talk to your nutritionist about it, they are there to help you. I was going to suggest eating more beans (which it sounds like you are doing) possibly tofu? Are you drinking protein shakes? Since you feel so lost, try logging your food for awhile so you know where you are at as far as protein and calories go...it may not be as bad as you think.
Good luck to you and don't get down...we all have these same struggles every single day.
~Emily~
"Tis better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not"
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