Pessimism and camping survival.....

 Hey everyone!  

I just got back tonight from a 5 day camping adventure with my husband, son and 37 of his family members.   I had fun about 75% of the time, which is great considering doing prolonged activity with a two year old away from home is, as Run DMC would say, tricky.   I attempted to water ski for the first time ever....attempted is the key word.  I had perfect form, perfect grip, the water was like glass....I couldn't stand up to save my life.  But hey, at least I tried and I had fun the 600 times I attempted it.  I do have pictures that I will post later after I've had a night in my own bed again.  The only bad part was someone stole our nice huge cooler that we got as a wedding present we've only used like 3 times.  I was/am PISSED!  There was like $50 worth of groceries in there....who steals groceries?  Ugh.  Oh well...it's all replaceable.  I hope the thieves really needed the food but if they didn't, I hope they choke on it.  

Here is where my pessimism comes in to play.  During camping my sister-in-law mentioned to me that her sister was/is interested in WLS, which is great considering she's had medical related issues caused by her obesity already.  Her sister is about my age, single, no kids, etc.  Now I don't really know her sister at all, I've met her maybe twice but I hear stories from SIL that make it sound like she might not do so well or understand everything that comes along with having WLS, kind of like the "magic bullet" thinking....and even SIL agrees with this.  I, of course, said that I'd be more than happy to talk to her about my experience and answer any questions I can that she may have but I just have this bad feeling I'm going to come across as sounding like I'm going to talk her out of it.  I would never want to talk anyone out of WLS because it's changed my life for the positive a million times over but I just want her to know that I've worked my ass off (literally) to get where I am and I'm going to have to work this hard the rest of my life to keep it that way.  I guess I don't want discourage but I want her to know the facts.   Has anyone else felt that way discussing surgery with someone else?  I don't want sound like I'm on my high horse and that I'm so great because I am working hard but I don't want people to think you don't completely have to overhaul your lifestyle because you do. I don't believe that everyone should have WLS...it should be for those who are really willing to change and if you aren't, it's probably not a good idea.   Hopefully I'll be a good mentor.  

Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts....thanks for listening! 

~Emily~

Emily,
 
bummer about the cooler. you have a really grounded, legit attitude about everything- it's admirable.
 
As far as WLS for other people, yeah... I've been in that predicament too. I guess I found that I'm not comfortable talking much to people that can't weigh decisions for themselves properly- I've talked to a few and gotten the drift that they want it as a magic solution as well. Honestly, I don't think it's my responsibility to talk some sense into them, but I was just careful to be too encouraging... I'm not gonna tell someone, "GO HAVE SURGERY, it was the best thing I ever did for myself!" if I believe that they will take that and run with it. Ultimately, I think I feel that way because I'm looking out for them- I don't want them to be 20,000 down, still unhappy, and not having worked through their food issues coming out on the other side even more upset because they failed again. I try to be honest, keep my cool, and mostly encourage them to talk to a psychologist. bonus points if you know your surgeon screens his patients, you can send them to him and he will evaluate whether or not they will be sucessful- you can be helpful and non-judgemental with that approach.

all and all, it's a sticky situation that I feel for you on. good luck figuring out the best course of action

Ann

Hey... Good question. I would share your experience with her and invite her to poke around OH so she can see a variety of experiences. Keep in mind that we were all obese and are or were in her situation. My family would say that I a lazy and unmotivated but they don't know anything. While the surgery may not be a magic bullet it is the most effective tool to loose weight and I am sure that as the weight came off for you it was easier to make lifestyle changes. When you fit in your clothes better and can move easier you want to be more active and get out of the house more. Plus a good surgeon will make sure the procedure is appropriate before recomending it. If someone wants the knowledge share and don't act high and mighty cuz you'll just look like a ***** If you didn't have the surgery would you be were you are today? Would you be making good food choices and exercising? If not then it was the magic solution for you as I hope it will be for me.

 I have reread your post several times and while you do make good points I'm going to have to disagree with the statement that my WLS was a magic solution.  It was a tool for me, yes, but I personally think there is no "solution" for obesity.  It's a process and something we have to deal with every day for the rest of our lives...I don't ever think it really goes away, even after we lose the weight.  My RNY doesn't get me to the gym everyday or talk myself out of eating something I shouldn't...I do.  No matter if you've had WLS or not, it takes a ton of not only physical but mental strength and accountability.... I guess that's what I was trying to get at.  It's not like my binge eating has magically gone away because I have had WLS, I struggle and deal every single day and I will for the rest of my life.  I don't want to discourage someone from WLS but I do want them to know that it's not like they can just have the surgey, sit back and not be accountable for their actions.   If I didn't have surgery, I'd still probably be a very active ( I've exercised regulary for over 6 years) obese person.  I guess I can say that my RNY has helped me but I can't say that it was magical in anyway...I did a lot of work and will continue to do a lot of work. I'm not perfect but I just take it day by day....The hard part isn't losing the weight, it's keeping it off.  

I did not mean to say that you have not worked hard and I know people who have had WLS and re-gained or didn't loose all the weight they wanted. But for those who did loose weight and transform their lives they said it was the best decision they have ever made. I am new in my journey being 4 weeks out. I lost 55lbs before the surgery and I had lost more weight than that in the past but I was unable to continue to weight loss past a year. Even 2 weeks out I had a stall which I think I am still in but I am confident that this surgery will change my life in a way that self-control and hard work alone never could. If we had self-control to begin with we wouldn't have the surgery. My family was and still is worried about me and my decision to have WLS but whatever. I personally do not know anyone who has lost more than 100lbs and kept it off without WLS. Not that it doesn't ahppen but I have not seen it. Please don't think I discount any of the hard work you have done to keep yourself fit. I know many people who have had the WLS and now are addicted to exercise and living right. They have told me that it would not be possible without the tool of WLS. Keep at it. It is good to see you on the boards and I enjoy your posts.

 Thanks, I enjoy posting...especially when it's to people who are all in the same boat.   I agree that I would have probably never been able to lose the amount of weight I had without WLS.   I guess it must just be the fact that we are, in a way, put into a position of a role model for other people interested in having surgery themselves.   I'm happy to do that but for me it's like a balance between the exciting part of finally losing weight and the hard reality of how we have to live.....I hope that makes sense.  I of course want people to succeed but at the same time I don't want give people false hope that surgery will just do the work for you.    

Thanks for your response.  I think your family will probably see how well you are doing and their worries will lessen.  

i totaly feel the same way as u , I know a lot of people who are trying to gaing weitgh to get the surgery `cuz they think they will be skinny forever and thas sooooo no true is sooo hard to keep the weight off!!!!. and i think being overweight is not a reason to have the surgery. is a compromise for life and more at our young age. i always say that before i had to watch what i eat and now i have to watch my health. i would never encourage someone to have the surgery just cuz they wanna look good. but if u talk to her make sure she understan what she is getting in to and be brutal honest i wouldda appriciated than when i was a preop. specialy if they have family.
But the important thing here is that u have the chance to help and educate someone about one of the best things that have hapend to you! this is a oportunity to touch someones life. so talk to her and be honest about all of she ask u and tell her everything u woulda want to hear when u were preop.
good luck!
hugs.

I have had a couple of people ask me about surgery. I always mention the good stuff first. Losing so much weight at once, new body new mindset stuff like that. Im sure we could all go on and on about what we like about WLS. but then make sure to bring up Vitamins, Protein, Exercize and major major food restriction! People get on the WLS train until I bring up that I havent drank a soda in 6 months and plan on never drinking one again. I tell them that I cant drink milk or eat white flour.
So they are just now informed of what really happens when you have WLS but they have their own pros and cons to weigh out. I also steer everyone to this website which is muy muy important! and soooo helpful! I found this 2 months after surgery and wished I had known about it 4-5 years ago!