*Frustration, Frustration, Frustration*

I don't even know how to write everything that I am feeling right now.  Regret, no, that's not the right word.  I don't regret surgery, I am just an emotional wreck right now.  I feel like havoc has been wreaked on every part of my life.  My husband and I cannot be alone together in a room for more than a few minutes without fighting.  He feels as if he is my food monitor and he wants to know everything I eat, how much I ate and what the calorie count was.  He wants to know what I weigh everyday.  If I don't lose then he accuses me of having cheated.  He was never like this before the surgery.  But now, I don't know.  He just feels like I spent all this time, energy and money on surgery and he is the watch dog to make sure that I don't **** it up with my food addiction.  On top of that I am ******g up at my job constantly.  I have no energy.  I am having a horribly difficult time getting in all my liquids and I am hungry constantly.  From the time I get up until I go to sleep at night.  And it's not just mental hunger, (though I acknowledge, hell yes I have that) it's the tummy growling at you actual physical hunger.  And my surgeon is super strict about what to eat and when.  My puree diet is proteins only, 3 tbs at a time, 3 times a day.  That is so ******g hard for me to do.  Especially when I haven't had a fill yet and my doctor even acknowledges that I could eat, without harm to my pouch, 4-8 oz at a time right now.  But I should only eat 1.5oz at a time.  I am literally starving all day everyday.  And yes, I have ****** up and eaten more than I should have.  I have.  And yes I am not tracking like I should be.  Yes, I am **** up.  But, I don't know.  I am just so frustrated with life right now.  This is not what I imagined it wold be.  It's so frustrating for me.  I just want this to be over.  I want to have restriction, have no more hunger and be satisfied.  I want my husband off my back, I want energy and I want to continue being the best employee I can be and not **** up.  I told my husband this morning that I was going to go to the psychologist and get on anti-depressants and he told me that I just don't get it.  That's not what I need.  I just need an attitude change.  Says the man who can eat whatever he want and never even have to worry about his waistline because he has a hollow leg.  Grrrr.  I am trying not to scream and cry as I write this because I am at work.  But man, all I want to do is cry!

*Edit, sorry to all readers out there if I sound whiny, ungrateful and otherwise on a pity-trip.  I am just frustrated.  Anyone out there who feels like me?

big hugs for you!!

i cant relate to everything you are mentioning but when i first had my rny my boyfriend felt like he should be my food monitor too and we'd often get into arguements about it until i realized he was just doing it because he cares about me and didnt want me to f*ck up in anyway. you husband really needs to drop some of his questions thou and acuseations to you. its not good to weigh yourself everyday and you so do not need that stress of being accused of cheating!! come on, you just went thru major surgery, your having not a great time at work , of all things you dont need him to get on your back too!
is he saying it all in a way you can just smile and nod? i think thats what i would do in that situation, you know whats best for yourself, so just yes him to death.

i wish you all the best and if you need anything please feel free to contact me w/ ANYTHING!

xoxoo
am

I just sent up a prayer for you

I'm sure that as time passes things will get better, I prayed for you to get through this tough time and for your husband to be more understanding. This takes a lot of work and all you need now is support. I'm sure thing will get better soon.

*LaTonya*

hey, i can only imagine what your going through right now. im doing a liquid thing right now and i have no energy for anything and my fiance doesnt get it. i guess maybe its hard for them to walk in our shoes. i am also praying for you to get thru this and for u to be where you wanna be in life. if u ever wanna just talk or vent you can talk to me  just stay strong and dont worry what anyone else thinks of you (noting ur edit)

Did you talk about this on the band forums? They would know better how you're feeling without a fill and with the hunger etc. And they probably have some good suggestions too. Good luck!

you dont sound whiny or anything like that. I think we all go through the phase at the beginning when you feel so hungry (for real and not for real!) your sooooo tired and you have to weigh and measure your food like gold. And if your back at work then kudos to you! I sat in a chair for 2 months and rarely got up!
As for your micromanaging spouse I dont know his motivation for trying to be your food monitor, but honestly men are not that great at communicating and he is probably trying to help in his own "special" way. I mean special like a short bus special. Tell him that insults are not the way to win your heart in a nice way even though you probably want to spit in his eye and tell him to monitor something else. then I would just keep a food diary and when he wants to get all involved then open the book and smile and say: Look Im keeping it all here.
Mention to him how weighing yourself is a really really bad idea and you should only weigh once a week, and that everyone on the board agrees.
Anti depressants are never a bad idea if you feel like you need them. They will take a month to kick in and it seems like in a month you will be feeling better. I was on antidepressants for 2 months before surgery and they seemed to really help me with the adjustment. I thought I was being a toal witch to everyone since I couldnt eat like I usually did, but they told me that I seemed ok. (well that is what they said! dont **** off the hungry fat girl!)

Most important this is a phase and its going to pass. you will get more energy and you will start to lose and your husband will back off even if that means that you have to ignore every little thing he says (antidepressants help with that part) Then you will be losing and he will have nothing to monitor, you will be wearing smaller clothes and shrinking and feeling very very good!
good luck!
erika

i know each Dr. is different but your had you eating like an RNY patient. From the time I got home i was told to eat 4 oz of food 3 times a day and 2 protein shakes.  You seem to be always hungry because you are literally starving. The goal of Gastric banding is to make you feel satisfied on a smaller amount of food, it is a restriction in volume. My cousin had RNY and she was amazed that i could have 4 oz of food as she only could have that mush once she was 6 months out.

If you hop over to the Lap band forum (not the realize one b/c no one posts) you will get a better idea about what people are eating on a daily basis. You have no energy because you aren't getting any nutrients. If possible, talk to a nutritionist that specializes in bariatrics (both RNY and Banding)? Surgeons go to school to learn how to do surgery, nutritionist go to learn how to teach people proper eating. And at where you are in your surgery (you are 12 days further along than me) you should be ready for a fill soon.

I cannot speak towards the husband deal because i do not have people pushing me and I did not shell out any money for surgery as it was covered by my insurance 100%, but everyone feels the way you are feeling about work. Hang in there. banding is a lot harder than other surgeries because we don't lose as fast, which is discouraging sometimes, but it is all mental. You will get there soon. Feel free to message me at anytime, if you need anything. Keep up the good work. Everyone has a bad day!