Life in general

So I was thinking yesterday about how before my surgery I would be out and about and people would stare at me and I would always think why are they staring at me? and now i know, because I was huge!  I knew I was big at the time but I didn't realize just how big I actually was until I started looking at old pictures of myself and I was like wow.  Then I got mad at myself for letting it get that bad, even though I know I struggled with my weight and tried everything to lose it without surgery I still feel guilty.  But I feel way better about myself now that I have in a long time.  Just this morning I was looking in the mirror and I thought to myself I really am alot thinner than I have ever been before.  And it feels great.  I am so happy I decided to go through with my surgery because I was scared to death!   I denied the need for the surgery for 5 years because I was too afraid of having surgery, any kind!  I was afraid it would hurt, which it was not as bad as I had envisioned, and I was afraid I wouldn't wake up, but I did!  Knowing what I know now I wish I had of had the guts to do this 5 years ago! But this really is the best decision I've ever made and I'm finally starting to see the real me when I look in the mirror, not the bigger version of what I used to look like!  At almost 11 months out I still haven't reached goal, but thats okay.  Even if I do not lose anymore weight thats okay, I can shop anywhere now and I know that people are not thinking, geez she's fat why doesn't she do something about it?  Because skinny people never realize what we are going through and how hard it really is, feeling like we're failing all the time.  But for my RNY was the only way for me to be successful and I thank God that I've been given this tool to finally succeed!  Thanks for reading, I know it was long, I just needed to work some stuff out.

Rachel, are you sure you're not in my head? I was just contemplating many of these same things last night. It was amazing to go out last night and feel, well, normal. Still big, but not rediculously so. I too, was looking at old pictures, and I can't believe the transformation. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel kind of amazed. Is that really me?

Congratulations on all your success!!!!

my surgeon asked me how I felt and I told him its kind of surreal, and it is.  I know they say it takes a long time for your mind to catch up b/c I still feel fat but I know I'm not anymore even if I don't see it all the time.

we all are so proud of you!!! enjoy your success and ur new life u deserve it!
hugs

ok so i could have wrote that post myself!!! I feel EXACTLY like that. I don't know what else to say other than I agree with everything you wrote completely