Relationship Advice!

my CLOSE friends / guy friends know about my surgery, but i'm just wondering about dating new guys... do you tell them about your WLS? how far into the relationship/dating would you tell them? i mean say me and my date go out for dinner, and all i get is a side salad and some green beans... wouldn't they think it's weird! LOL...   i'm 2 weeks post-op and questions like these keep popping in my head!  any suggestions or advice would be WONDERFUL!


  Sarah

well im with the same butthead i was with before surgery so dating is out of the question for me (or is it?) LOL jk but.....the best thing i could say would be to make the first few dates casual dates like heading out bowling or something where they really only serve bar type food...small dishes anyway. You have to decide when you feel comfy telling someone that you've had surgery! Or make it a group date and "share" a meal with one of your girlfriends...i'm sure the guy will think that is totally normal.

You could also say you shouldn't have had such a big lunch so late in the day and how sorry you are for it :P I'd keep the secret up for the first date at least or two if he's less into you maybe. You don't wanna tip him off too early on that you're gonna eat weird for the rest of your life. It could scare him off early on. Then again, maybe not :P It's really up to you :)

I would keep it a sercret for a little while and then tell him once you get to know him better since it might be kinda weird to him at first. You will be fine and the bowling or double dating thing are good ideas too. good luck, I'll be going through that soon enough (I hope ) lol

Thanks Girls!  Ya'll are great! and what good suggestions! LOL..... I guess we all need some advice :)

heyhey!

so im moving soon w/ my bf. new state. going to be working w/ new people etc, etc. we'll be living near his fam and they all know.

ive been thinking about this same thing the past few days too.

i dont necessarly want to let all the new people in my life right away know.  i dont want anybody judging me because of wls, and stuff.

so i decided id just say im on a diet, or my appetite is just not that large.

regarding boys and your situation, i wouldnt tell them right away. and when u do be sure they are going to be a great support to you and not a negative nancy about it.
i feel like the luckiest girl in the world that i had my bf be as supportive as he was during my surgery and still now thru the whole process.

you deserve the best!! <3 am

I have been really up front with everyone and Im sure I have told people *****ally didnt need to know... but Im a blabber mouth and its hard for me to keep my mouth shut about anything about myself. Im in the been married forever so I wouldnt have a clue about dating since I never did much of it, but I imagine that once you slim down, no one is going to think twice about how much you eat, because skinny girls just pick at their food right?
I am really self consious at restaurants now since if they dont bring me my food exactly how I ask I send it back (i used to just eat it before, i was never pickey) I told my husband to tell his friends I had WLS so they dont have to wonder how such a big girl can pick at food...

When you do a first date order a steak with no sides, and he will be impressed that you dont just order a salad.   :) men like that when a woman eats real food (unless you order more then him and lick the plate, but thats not going to happen )

Its all a personal decision.  Its really difficult and it depends on the person.  I had a similar situation.  Back just before Christmas (pre-op) I met a guy at a friend's wedding.  He had just moved to the area, and in my drunken stuper, told him I could show him around and we exchanged numbers.  I thought nothing of it until he called me in February (about 3-4 weeks post op) asking me if I wanted to go to this bar to listen to a band play.  I had NO plans of telling him about surgery (I actually asked this group the same question!).  My excuse for not drinking was that I have a 30 minute drive home.  The following weekend we ended up getting together again, and it was brought up why I wasn't drinking.  As nervous as I was to tell him, I decided if we were going to be hanging out more, it was going to be obvious that I was losing, and decided to just tell him.  I figured if he couldn't accept that part of me, then he wasn't worth being in my life.  To my surprise, he was totally stoked for me and genuinly supportive.  We talk about it openly now, he supports me, and encourages me.  He had said that he noticed the weight loss the first time we hung out again, but didn't know how or what to say without offending me!  lol

I guess what I'm getting at with my long response, is play it by ear.  Its going to be a personal decision and you don't really know what/how your going to react until you are in the situation.  Any guy who is going to be worth having in your life, will be able to handle it and be happy for you.  After being heavy for so long, its easy to expect the worst to happen and for people to run (or at least thats how I felt/feel--working really hard at fixing that!).  But, like the girls above me posted, doing a neutral date is a great way to get around the possible akward conversation!  Coffee or something like that is usually a simple first date situation too.  

You better make that a grilled chicken or shrimp salad!!  Protein first!!

Personally, I am a loud and proud advocate for my WLS. I explain to them, "Yeah I know I dont eat much and I have some eating quirks but its because I chose to be healthier and happier and live longer than the road I was on, so with that being said I decided to have my stomach cut and I've never been healthier or happier!" then they procced to ask questions and I answer them with a smile and all honestly. Sooner or later they will find out, and if nothing happens btw yall oh well you were honest and they couldnt man up for you. I waited for about 3 days to tell my boyfriend and he has been nothing but supportive of me and my little "weiner" as we call it. I personally believe honesty is the best tool and to be upfront right away... why waste your time waiting to tell someone if they are gonna hate the fact we had WLS? My time is too precious for that. Just gotta find the right time and way to do it!!