x-post: is it possible to be a "good" Catholic anymore?

Hi all...I have a bit of a strange question here...and I'm not looking to be "saved" or converted...just a little bit of advice from someone on the outside looking in...

background: My husband and I were both baptized and raised in the Catholic church for most of our lives...he did his confirmation (I never did)...and after many more years and moving away (geographically) from our parish, we have not been "active" members...
Having grown up a bit, we do not agree entirely with the Catholic church's strict, old-world views, although we still feel we have a relationship with our God...we are in the process of finding a church family that we feel we belong with.

My husband and I were married on Halloween of 06...it was our rockstar celebration of our life together.
And we firmly agree that in spite of our broken paths, God DID bring us together, and although we are "legally" married, it was not a Catholic ceremony...something we feel OK about...we wanted the people that we love to celebrate with us and the Catholic church is very much against their lifestyle choices...and therefore against our belief that their choices for their lives are just as valid as our own.,

BUT...my grandmother has always asked us to just get our marraige blessed in the church (again, something we are OK with)...to the point of nagging...she really feels strongly about it.

We are mulling the idea over but are concerned with the church's need for us to promise to raise our children as Catholics...I hate the idea of making that decision for someone else.
Grandmother's health is deteriorating and this simple blessing would mean the world to her...But we feel that even though the blessing is an added bonus to our married life, that our inability to subscribe to the church completely would make it a farce...

Are we wrong to be considering it the right thing to do for a woman who it really would mean so VERY much to?

thanks so much!
xxxBecca

Hmmm that is a toughie.  I would think that if it is going to enrich you and your husband's lives then it would be a good thing to do.  Making grandparents happy is always a plus as well.  It is my opinion that you can commit to brining your children up in the Catholic church, but it is your right as a parent to also give your children the choice of staying with the Catholic church or leaving it for whatever religion they feel better suits them.  These are just my opinions though, you have to do whatever is best for you and your family.

Hi Rachel...
The part we're torn on is the "us" factor...we live a lifestyle that the church raises an eyebrow at...we are heavily modified, our closest friends are gay or in the "adult" industry...things that we know about them and accept as a part of who they are. I'm scared of children being told that the people around them, that love them dearly, are "evil" because the church doesn't agree with one fascet of their whole being.

The church doesnt understand that a porn star can be a loving mother and sincere, caring friend...she is defined by her job.
The church doesn't care that a child with 2 daddies or 2 mommies can be just as loved and well adjusted as any child in a "normal" family unit...
Tattoos and heavy modification is an "abomination" and should be looked down upon...an understanding and control of physical pain is "sick"...and can't possibly be a part of a "moral" person's daily life...

I would be participating in a culture that defines me (without exploring my soul) as the "wrong"...so the church belief would be pulling them away from a life of truly amazing...

BUT the sacraments are so important for a child to know and take comfort in...I don't want to deny them that...I just don't want them to be disillusioned and rejected later like we were when we really opened up to everything around us...

I feel like there should be some middle ground...

lol...oh well...
thanks!
xxxBecca

I understand where you're coming from with the modification and so on, even with a regular church I get flack for my tattoos.  Unfortunately even though the times are changing, churchs are not.  I think that if you raise your children to understand there are different lifestlyles and even if the church doesn't agree with it, its still okay to live those lifestyles.  Explain to them that all religions take what they want from the bible and so on and mold it to what they think is right. I think its more about living your life right, rather than your job, sexual orientation or body modifications.  But like I said before you and your husband need to do what you feel is right for your family, and maybe you just need to explain to your Grandmother that you love her very much and would like nothing more than to bring her this joy but being blessed that you can't agree to something you don't believe in.  I don't know, I'm just glad i'm not in your position :)

I agree with Rachel, you and your husband must do it for eachother and if it makes your grandmother happy too thats great. As for hating to decided a religion for someone else thats what raising kids is all about... you "guide" them into making good choices and religion is only a choice, they can always change their minds about being Catholic once they get old enough to decide for themeselves. hope that helps and good luck.

 My husband and I were both born and raised Cathoics.  Right now he's more agnostic and I am still practicing.  Though, like you, I have some different view points than what the church says but I don't waiver in my faith in God....and honestly I think that's all that matters no matter what your religion.  I highly doubt any one person would completely agree with every single thing a church stands for, so you just have to do what you relate to the most.  

About the blessing...I am actually very glad you brought this subject  up because my husband and I have discussed this a few times.  Do you do something that you won't necessarily do because the church says so or do you not to it at all and be true to your beliefs?   It's a tough decision and you don't want to be hypocritical about it either if you don't intend to raise your kids in the faith.   I know your grandma has the best of intentions and it would be great to see her happy but would doing it make you happy and feel good about the decision?  Would your grandma just want to see you blessed or follow through with what you said during the ceremony?

I would speak to the priest that you may be blessed by.  A lot can depend on the priest and how they view things.  Not all priests are going to instantly condemn you because of your lifestyle or how you feel about other things in the world ( I personally have no problem with gay people and think they should have the same rights as heterosexual couples.)  Maybe you need to "shop" around for a priest?  But I would definately speak to them just to get an idea of what would be expected of you if you were to do this.  

I'm sorry I don't have more of an answer for you but I can understand totally your situation and I wish you the best, no matter what you decide.  

~Emily~ 

P.S.  It never hurts to say a few prayers asking for guidence either!  

hi girl.
I`m and active  catholic. and my parents are 2.  I had a catholic education.. but my parents never made me believe anything they just thaught me the faith. and when i grew up it was up to me to keep going to church and stuff. they never forced me to do what i don´t want 2 ( i go to church and my sister dosn´t). so i think if you belielve in something is good to teach your kids about it but also let them know that is their decision to belive or not..
and being married in a catholic ceremony dosen´t mean that you have to preach so chill and enjoy your beautiful cermony.... and then you can worry about the kids thing. lol
hugs

 i consider myself to be a "hereditary" catholic. born and raised. my mom comes from irish catholic stock, but she really struggled with the whole "you're going to hell if you do xyz" thing. after years of developing our own branch of spirituality, we subscribe to the "take what you like and leave the rest" thing. If the ceremony honors your aunt,  it's all good. everybody says those creeds with their fingers crossed behind their backs. religion, like language or any other convention, takes a looong time to change. i think the best way to facilitate that change is to participate. honor your aunt, honor yourselves, and represent those you love living alternative lifestyles by choosing not to let outdated papal policies define your particular brand of "catholic." The church is here to serve, so take what you like and leave the rest.