family...grrrr....

I need some advice on this one...

I'm 20 and in college. For the last YEAR i've gone, by my self to appointments, made insurance company calls, met all the requirements, and got all the tests neccisary to get this surgery!!!
My dad called today and is gonna come down to
to"talk" about my decsions. And by talk... I'm SURE he means "talk me out of"...the man waits untill 3 days before my surgery to try to instill doubt in me??????????

I'm just mad because I have spent year dreaming of the day that i didn't have to worry about my weight. I've spent years worrying about my heart health and my insulin problem. And when the day is finally arriving that can help me with all of this...He of all people, feels the need to stand in my way...

I think i'm just ver emotional right now, but... I could really use his support in this and it is gonna hurt me to listen to him talk to me later today about this, because I'm not changing my mind. There is not one thing he can say that would make me not wanna do this. I understand that heis just worried... BUT WHY can't he understand the bigger picture...the outcome, my health... and WHY can't her be supportive??

I just think it is unfair of himto be doing this right now...
I know he is my dad and he wouldn't be complaining if he didn't care...
He does soooo much to pay for school and things for me and i REALLY don't wanna let him down, but...
I just have no clue what I'm gnna say to him when he comes up here.

it's jsut that we only have two more days to work things out...sooo...

GAH!!!!!

Well after reading your post I was completely lost on who "he" was until I got to the end and found out it was your dad that wasn't being supportive. With that said, he is your dad and will ALWAYS worry about you and only want whats best for you. Granted it sounds like you have co-morbities and this is the BEST way for you to get rid of those. My advice to you would to just tell him exactly why you want to do this and how important it is to you and eventually he will learn to accecpt it and be ok with it because it was important to you.

Sorry for the typo!! haha... that is fixed now...

and thanks for your comment.

I've been pretty independent too with my appts and the whole process leading up to the surgery. Mine is about 6 weeks away and my Mom has not said much about it but I know she is going to pop about it soon. I know she isnt all for it.

I think that you need to stress to your dad that it is a decision you have made to get healthy and that you have made your mind up. Just think of the goals you have ahead and the reasons why you have chosen this. I think that is what I will do when my mother finally decides to open up about how she feels about me choosing RNY. I know it will be hard trying to listen to him try to talk you out of it.

you should be very proud ofyourself.. you have done an amazing job at such a young age to put all the things togeter to have this mayor life change. and i sure your parents are very proud of you.
But you also have to understand that they are your parents and they worry about you they only want the best for you. I bet that he is only doing "his job" as a parent to tell you what he thinks about your new life chooise. and he is prob. really scared. my parents stil are.  so you just listen to him and tell him that you really apriciated his concern. but you are a grown up girl now and you also thought about it and made your deciton. and that you really apriciate and need his support. don´t get upset or anything.
I guees is not like the perfect timing. but just be open to lisen. but don´t let him get in your nerves and change your decision.
hang in there
hugs girlie!!!
and keep us posted!!!

Hold your ground let him know what you think about this surgery... tell him  the stats about  your health and why you made this decision...Let him know you've put more thought into this than he think you did...'Let him know that you fully understand everything invovled with this surgery and explain to him the quality of life  you will have without the surgery..Make him feel like theres no changing your mind.and he has no choice but to suppport you..

Stand your ground girl!  If he sees how much time, energy, and hard work that you have put in I am sure he will come around

 Guess what Dad? Diets don't work!!!
I wish I had gone for it when I was your age, I would have had a lot more healthy, active, shame-, pain-, and discomfort-free days, AND I would have had less weight to lose. 
Also Dad, Insurance companies HATE spending money, but it just so happens that this surgery MORE than pays for itself in the long run. Why? Because people LIVE LONGER!!! Oh yeah, and things like diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, depression, even cancer LOVE fat people. Which you won't be. 
It's your body, it's your life, it's your choice. 
You've been part of this process for a year. Don't doubt yourself--you know you've made the right decision. Rise above it and let your dad see what a bad-ass, brave, independent daughter he raised. 
Go get 'em, girl!!

First of all, let me comend you for going through all of that by yourself!  It''s a lot to go through, and i can't imagine having had to do it by myself, while in college when you have so many other things going on in your life you have to worry about.   Good for you honnie.  Stick to your guns, no matter what anyone says, this is something you need to do for you.  You haven't worked this hard and this long to have someone talk you out of it.  If that is what your father is coming to visit for please don't let him do it.  It is a surgery, and i'm sure he's just worried about you, and scared.  They are cutting intohis little girl remember.  My family was very against it at first, but now they are so proud and happy for me.  After its over its not something they can hold against you.  Just try to educate him on it, and move on without letting him bring you down.  Usually I have found, people that are against this kind of surgery are because they are uninformed about it.  Good luck sweetie!  Don't Give up!  We are all here for you!  

I feel you. I did everything myself (insurance calls, doctor visits, doctor calls, etc.). My family was very supportive of my decision. Although, my grandfather (pretty much my dad) kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to do this.

He was there for my surgery. The night before, he still asked if I was sure that this was what I wanted to do. After 14 months of fighting with the insurance company, trust me, I was sure. My grandfather frequently freaks out over doctors, and surgery, any type of surgery, is just hell on him. He was just so concerned. It wasn't so much that he didn't want me to have surgery, he was just scared for me. Not that he'd admit that.

I vividly remeber in the hospital, my morphine pump broke, and we couldn't find my nurse. I laid for over an hour (on the day after surgery) without any pain medication. I thought he was going to kill someone. He just didn't want to see me in pain. And that's the bottom line. Seeing someone you love in pain and taking a risk is just something that no one wants to go through.

Talk to your dad. Make sure you guys iron out what you need to. Let him voice his concerns, and simply counter his concerns with your knowledge and research. If you both communicate your points to one another, you will both feel better about this whole process.

Good Luck!