Dating post-WLS

Okay, so I know this has been discussed like a million times on this board, so I'm sorry for the repost!  Its just that I didn't really take in much of the discussion previously because I wasn't really experiencing it--until now. 

Since WLS I have gone out on 2 dates (2 different people).  They both went well.  I ended up not really being interested in the first one (and of course he had to be totally  into me!  lol) but the second one (which was on Saturday) I actually could see myself liking.  But, neither guy knew (or knows for that matter) about my surgery, so it has kind of caused an awkward thing for me. 

The guy from Saturday, I had met at a friend's wedding back around Christmas time (pre-surgery) so of course I was drinking and all of that stuff.  He had just moved to the area a few days before we met, so we exchanged numbers because I told him I could show him around.  I never thought more about it, until he called me last Tuesday to make plans.  Well, we went out on Saturday for the first time since we met, to hear this band play at a bar.  Earlier we were at his house just chatting and catching up and I mentioned how last week was my first week back to work since being off for surgery.  I didn't mean to bring it up...but we were talking about our work and it just sort of came out.  He of course was concerned and asked if I was okay and such.  I blew it off a bit, just saying it was a minor thing and everything was fine.  He didn't pry, and I quickly changed the subject.  At the bar, he ordered a beer and asked what I wanted.  I'm trying REALLY hard not to drink for like a year--to try and maximize my weight loss while I can!  So, I just go****er all night.  Luckily, he lives like 30 minutes from me, so I had that excuse to use about not drinking.  But I don't know how much longer I will be able to pull that off!  lol 

Anyway, I was wondering how you go about the whole dating thing?  Especially with people you just met.  I have a tendacy of keeping the WLS to myself unless I really know someone.  And that hasn't been a problem, until the dating factor came into play.  I am 28 days out and still trying to figure out what foods work for me and what doesn't, etc.  Do you tell sooner so that if they have an issue with it, you don't waste your time?  Or do you wait to see how things are going then mention it?  I'll take an advice!

Thanks girls!  This board really is the greatest! 

Its a very personal subject and you decided whom to tell and when.  I never tell just anyone.  If the guy is special to me, he learns.... if not tough cookie.  There are tons of reasons for one not to drink and with Lent coming up, you can have 40 days of freedom for just a bit! ha ha  The main thing is to be yourself.  If they notice your weightloss- which they will, duh- just thank them and add you've been working very hard (cuz you have).

Either way it can be fun... just keep your heart safe since the roller coaster of your life has just begun.

I haven't had surgery yet but I met a guy a few weeks ago and I foresee myself having to go through the same delimia you are going through now. I can understand wanting to tell them so that you don't waist your time if they have a problem with it, but then again if your not ready to tell them then wait. The topic will eventually come up though when you start to lose weight. Just take it day by day. Good luck

 I'm not going to be much help as far as dating goes because I'm married and even when I was dating I probably was horrid at it anyway.  lol....

BUT, just from reading your post I would say that if you continue to see the guy I would say be honest about your surgery.  He's probably going to figure out something is up when you never eat or drink in front of him, sooner or later.  If he's really a nice guy he shouldn't freak out about it and show support and understanding of why you can't always drink when you go out, etc.   If he does get weirded out by it, then he's not really that cool of a guy.  

I understand about not wanting to tell people right off the bat and that's totally your right to do so.  I think it just depends on how open of a person you are to begin with.  I don't mind telling people IF they ask or the topic is brought up but I wouldn't just out of the blue start telling people about my surgery just because.   Dating is such a fine line because you want to share but it's the matter of sharing too much, too soon...yadda yadda.   

I don't know if this was much  help at all but I just wanted to offer support!   

~Emily~

well girl, here in my hometown everybody knows I had wls. but If I really like the boy and he don´t have a clue. I would wait until the 3th date or until he is really in to me to tell him lol. `cuz if you tell him right a way you can scare him, so. I Would wait a bit before i get into any detail. altho you are a newbie. so its gonna be very notorius if you don´t eat or have a drink.  lol. you will know when to tell him. just wait the right moment.
good luck!!!!!!! i`m jelous lol.
hugs
mariana.

I guess I could have just texted you this answer but figured I would post it here for all to see cause it may help others.  I myself tell people right away.  It is a big part of me and where I came from and who I am.  I want people to know what I have been through and how hard i worked to be where I am.  If they dont like it let them hit the road.

Matt

 I tell people up front.  It saves time and I don't have to make up an excuse.  I let them know "hey i don't drink and I don't eat much either cos of a stomach surgery I had a few months back"... so far no one has bolted for the door and if they do then they were not worth it anyway.

Thanks guys!

I knew I would be able to get some helpful advice from everyone!  I'm going to take it a step at a time.  I think I'm going to invite him out this weekend and show him around Detroit and stuff.  I think I'm going out on Saturday to check out a new band in my area (he is really into music and has played the sax for years and currently learning how to play the guitar (HOT!! lol) so its a common ground.  Weather we just stay friends or it turns into more, I know I'm going to have to eventually tell him.  The more I get to know him, the more I will know how quickly to tell him.

Thanks again everyone!  Your the best!

This has been my biggest issue post op.

For me, I told almost no one about my surgery. The only people that know are my family and ONE friend.

Well I am at a stable weight now or at least not losing rapidly so that isnt too complicated. My whole issue is when do i tell them? And I had plastics 5 weeks ago, and of course I met a guy TWO nights before them and I am really liking him. I told him I was having surgery before but the only thing I felt comfortable telling him was that I was getting implants because I had a reduction previously and was not happy with my new size etc etc. Now it is getting to a point where things are about to get physical and I have these scars and I am just at a loss of what to do. If I do just tell him I also had a tummy tuck that will look super sketchy because what 20 year old has a tummy tuck unless she has lost a ton of weight (yes, I don't even openly share with people that I just met that 2 years ago I weighed over 300 pounds). So it is a bit tricky. I finally feel normal, and I want to be able to live a normal life but its nearly impossible because I guess this stuff will always be in my past.