relationships/dating post-op

I am pre-op. And I find that being overweight, guys don't even look at me unless they are drunk (lol). What is it like post-op? More people interested? Less? The same? This isn't the reason I'm getting surgery but it's something I've been curious about seeing as the only people I've ever known to get WLS are already married.

Not sure yet...still waiting to see. I'll be 8 weeks out tomorrow so I'm still pretty overweight. I'm 21 and never had a boyfriend and have only gone on 1 date...so dating and relationship will be something very new for me. All of my guy friends (really HOT guy friends) that I have told that I got the surgery think that it's really cool and there really proud of me...so that makes me a lil happy.

I find the attention is more, but I have yet to have a guy ask me out.  I def. better and more positive attention from guys now.

there are men out there that prefer larger women to skinny ones.  See, I have the exact opposite worry...my boyfriend is a bit of a chubby chaser, Im worried he wont be attracted to me when I lose the weight...little late now....lol.  Hes been really supportive so I am sure well be fine!

good luck!  I hope you find your dream guy and he sweeps you off your feet, plus size or not!

It has its advantages as well as disadvantages lol.  The attention is good and bad... just like in the day light.  People are nicer.  Guys can be nicer while girls get catty and jealous.  Guys no longer look at ya as a friend and more as a potential play buddy.  It takes a while to learn the difference and how to navigate, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I'm kind of an attention ***** :)

Plus without the weight, I can dance WAY better now he he.

jaci, you make me smile!

and I'm not married- haven't ever dated anyone. I'm not very far along in the weight-loss department (I've lost 45 lbs, but I'm still over 200), but I've noticed that guys "check me out" more, especially strangers. My guy friends don't treat me any differently, except for the occasional joking about how sexy I'm becoming, or will be, etc. Mostly they already love me and have me in their friend zones and that is very very good.

I think its something to be careful about though. The new attention- the new possibility that I won't be rejected- and being desired- are all recipes for problems if you don't recognize them and deal with them. I realized how little resistance I will put up if I feel those things, and it was a little scary at first. but it's still oh-so-worth wading through, if you ask me.

Marla- I'm right there with you. A bit afraid my boyfriend won't like me as much once I lose the weight..

but in general, I think the attention will take some getting used to. I had a major weight loss in college when I went from 230lbs to 140 in 2yrs (and it only took me another year to gain most of that back! ARGH! This is why I got the surgery in the end..) but the attention I had then was amazing. 

That being said, I never really got asked out when I was at my "thinnest." But I think a lot of that has to do with confidence and how much you're really putting yourself out there. Back then, I was a bit shy and didn't really go oout.. and I was afraid of regaining the weight, so I REALLY didn't go out. Then I started going out and having fun and gaining confidence.. and of course the weight crept back on (after turning 21 and having an easy accessibility to alcohol, my weight shot back up pretty quickly).

Anyways, funnily enough, I never got a guy at my thinnest... but I did end up having a couple good hookups when I was like 175/180, one of which led me to my boyfriend. He met me when I was like 175 and then at my highest right before surgery this past month I was 220. He never said anything negative, but he's always loved bigger booties (more cushion for the pushin', right?) and was concerned when I talked about the surgery. He doesn't want me to lose by big booty! But we'll see...

I think it really just depends on your attitude and what guys you meet/attract. I've found that most guys I met in the past were more interested in curves than super-skinny girls. Super-skinny girls were nice to look at, but not really nice to touch (ew, ribs sticking out..). But it really all depends on the guy. Personally, I've always had a curvier hour-glass/pear shape and I tend to attract the typical guys who like that kind of woman (I'm half Latina and my boyfriend's Latino. Other guys I've dated have been Indian, black, etc.. not to be racist but I've found white guys tend to gravitate towards stick-thin girls and I just don't like that on girls- for some reason I do tend to be attracted to the skinny/scrawny guys . But, again, it really depends on the individual guy in general).

Good luck!

A little off topic but I also have the hour glass shape. I'm kind of afraid of losing that and afraid of what sex will be like because I too like the skinny/scrawny guys. I dunno... we'll see.

Thanks for all the input guys!

Hey, well.. I honestly don't think you'll lose your shape. When I was at my skinniest, I was like a size 8 or even 6 (depending on the make) and I almost always wore dresses (just cuz I think they accentuate my figure. But I remained an hourglass/pear shape, and there was nothing I could do about it. I think it's funny now because I remember that even back then I still hated my ginormoous thighs, but now I'd trade my current thighs for my "small" thighs any day! But I'd say that that's the problem a lot of people have is thinking they can change their shape.. but they can't.

In terms of guys- there's really no way to predict anything but it's been my experience/observation that skinny/scrawny white guys go for skinny/scrawny/shapeless girls. But skinny/scrawny non-white guys tend to love curvy/hourglass/pear-shaped girls. Dunno why. It's probably a cultural thing.. but I think as you lose weight,  you'll gain confidence, and confidence goes a long way with ANY guy.

 I'm actually  married but I was with you guys not that long ago!  

I really have to agree that it's your personality and confidence that are the key.  In my experience, if someone is too over concerned with what their partner looks like..they aren't really that interesting to be around.  Beauty WILL fade.  Have you ever noticed that so many "pretty" skinny girls couldn't hold a real conversation with a shovel?  That's a good time....uuugh.  

 I've always been outgoing no matter what size and I've dated quite a bit before I met my husband.......all never being under 200lbs  It's all about how you feel about you.  If you love yourself (not just your size!), that will reflect.  If you don't, that will too.  

All of you are so beautiful, I don't think any of you will have troubles in the romance department!  

~Emily~