2nd Guessing?? Kinda long winded...sorry!

I am actually beginning to 2nd guess myself.  I have been thinking and planning this for so long that I almost gave up because it wasnt happening. :'(

I am not like others, my worrying over the pain, head hunger, excess skin....is gone.  I am worried now that my relationship will suffer.

This will only make sense if I explain it from the beginning.

I met a really great guy about 14 months ago.  When I first ran the idea of WLS to him, he expressed his dislike of it, and I dropped it.  After that, I brought up the topic with other family members when he was around kind of as a hypothetical.    Needless to say that didnt go how I wanted to either.  :nono:  

For a very long time I was worried about bringing about the topic, so I started to come to this forum, keep my fears, anxieties, concerns and dreams to myself.  :chair:

About two months ago, we had one of those--stay up all night talking moments-- I actually cried, and all that expressing that I didnt feel he was supportive of my decision and feelings in this matter.  :shrug:

Come to find out, he had his own fears.  He is what we like to call a "chubby chaser".  Let me explain Chad a little.  Well here is a pic of us.








He is very much in love with the belly, ass, thighs, hips....all the things that we hate.  BUT he has other fears, he is scared of course that I could die from this, I could become one of those "skinny *****es" that we have all grown to hate over the years...He is worried I will become extremely healthy and think he is not attractive....lots of other things. :worried:

So yeah, we talked, and things are back to normal...i guess.  But I came across someone on this site that is my same height and weight and she had pics of her skin and all that.  Well I figured that was a good way to show him a possibility of what I could look like.  He said it wasnt a big deal, but I could see the look on his face.  He even said, he couldnt stand my boobs that small!  :brokenheart:  After he saw the look on my face he quickly recovered with I will love you no matter what and it wont bother me.

Finally, after spending the day with him today, I realize he has anxiety about this like I do, I havent even considered how this will affect his life.  All this time I have been worried about how it will affect me.  I want this surgery so that I can have children.  I am not wanting to be "skinny" just healthy.  I dont want to be a specific size....just a size that is healthy to conceive and carry to term healthy little babies.  I want to live a long life with the man I love and never regret for a second the decisions I made in my life.  So with that being said, I am worried if I am making the right decision.   :atwitsend:  

I feel like this is what I want, and that all the fear and worry is just like cold feet, or whatever.  I know that a year from now, I will find this post and laugh.  I know that maybe in 2 yrs from now as I hold my newborn child, I will smile that I changed my life for the better for myself and my family.  How do I put the anxiety aside and be confident in the choices I make today to benefit tomorrow.

  :help:  I need a friend!!  :help:

I feel the exact same way! My husband is totally non-supportive. I think part of the problem is his own insecurities and maybe a bit of jealousy. My husband is afraid that i will get skinny and have this new found confidence and leave him. We had a heart to heart the other night. He knows how bad I want this, and how desperately I need to do this for myself, our daughter, and our family. After we had this conversation things have been completely different. I have already found myself questioning our relationship. He should be supportive of my decision and be able to stand by my side throughout the whole process. If he can't accept that I need to be healthy so that I can be the best mom that I can be, then maybe he's not the man I thought he was, and not the right one for me. Just think about it sweetie!

***hugs***

Alicia

 I'm sorry you are having this struggle.  It's tough when the people closest to you aren't supportive or are unsure.  

I think all your boyfriends insecurities are causeing you to second guess yourself.  If you really want to have WLS for your health, to have kids, to be happy..you need to do it for you, not him.  Yes, it may affect his life but it's not your responsibility to make him happy or secure about it..he needs to do that himself.  If he really loves you, he will love you no matter what size you or your boobs are!   He needs to realize that even though you will be looking different you will be the same person you always were and still love him.  My husband has said something to the affect of me wanting to leave him when I lose weight...to me it's absolutely ridiculous.  Why would I leave the man I love?  

I don't mean to sound harsh but if  he's not willing to help you achieve your goals of having kids and living a long, healthy life than maybe you need to really see if you are both on the same page with those things.  To me, it's a deal breaker.  He shouldn't want you to suffer the affects of obesity the rest of your life (which get worse after kids, been there-done that!).  

From what you describe, he sounds like a nice guy so I really hope he will get on board with the idea soon.  

Best of luck!!

~Emily~

Awwww sweetie....your so not alone.  I'm 18 months post-op and have went through, and still going through the same thing.  I had my RNY so that we could have baby#2.  Well, at 5 months post-op I got preggers with her.  Now that she is here my DH is right back to worring his heart out that at any given moment I'm going to take my "new" body and leave him high and dry.

Flat out, wont ever happen.  It's hard on the men in our lifes to go through WLS with us.  Just because your man is feeling these things doesn't mean he doesn't love you.  In fact, if he wasn't expressing these worries to you, I'd be concerned that maybe he didn't care.  Sounds like he does care, but he is just flat out scared to death, as was my husband.  As, they should be if they truly love us.

Put your big girl panties on (no pun intended) and have WLS, get healthy and have yourself a sweet little baby!  Remind him everyday, that you love him and etc.  Have him right by your side during this journey, keep him involved and enjoy life after WLS together.

HTH
Ash :)

I think the people around us will always be worried because change is SCARY. They can't predict what will happen (and neither can you) so that is a vulnerable place to be.

I think you are sweet for considering his feelings.. but your best shot at this is to do this for yourself and see it that way - this is a new life for you! Fat or thin,  if he loves you, he loves you. If not... time will tell, you know? Something tells me he didn't choose you JUST for your body. I am sure there's a great personality there that takes up 90% of the reason he likes you!

I, personally, got the band because it was a good option for me... it's slow, I learn new habits during the process, and there's some potential that the skin will have time to catch up. That being said... I have done very well and YES, people around me are having to adjust to my new self-esteem, my new social life with my friends on OH, and just my new excitement for life.

I think this will be a great journey for the two of you as long as both of you are excited for this new change in your life!