Relationship stuff...need advice

My ex is really pressed on being friends. I've tried it and sometimes it works. Sometimes I can forget that we had just signed on to purchasing a new house and I had picked out every tiny detail like the cabinets and wall color. I can forget about the civil cermony we were planning and all of the resorts and wedding magazines I checked out. I can even forget about the plans we made to start a family in 2009 but only for a moment. Then I'm filled with anger when I remember how all of this was thrown out of the window and how she forced me to heal by myself from my surgery after cheating on me with someone I thought she was just friends with. Someone we went to church with and now I can't even go back to that church. And for anyone who knows anything about LGBT, it's hard to find a good church that accepts you.

She's so wants us to be friends and I think its just so she can feel better. And I wouldnt give her my friendship if we hadnt moved to a new place where I know no one. I'll take any advice to getting over her. ANY ADVICE! I just want her out of my life but every time I push her out...she calls or text and I forget again for only amount just to have the vicious cycle start all over again. :(

 I wouldn't just because I am friends w/ both my ex gfs and its awkward as heck. I went through not as a deep of a relationship as you. I would tell her that you don't want to be friends and to stop communicating with you. I know it sounds hard but I wish I had done with my exes. Now im still talking with the and giving relationship advice to one of them for her new gf. Its just a bad idea. I hope that helps.
- Abby

Good Lord. I couldnt imagine giving her relationship advice. I definitely dont want to be around to see that. Its not too late for you to back out too! It doesnt sound hard at all it sounds smart. It sounds real smart.

I understand what you mean about finding a church to accept you, I am not gay but my brother lives in VA and his church basically proclaims that all GLBT are going to hell - we argue about this whenever I see him...

Can you end your friendship and continue at the church?  That is what I would do - meet new friends there, be polite to her but not friends.

I see what your saying. I think I'm going to head back to the church and speak only if I have to. I dont want to waste too much time in trying to forget some friendship when its really only benefiting her.

I'm not LGBT, but I think this crosses those lines.  Why would you want to be friends with someone who betrayed your trust, hurt you, and caused you to lose a giant support network?  We do this to oursleves out of some misplaced sense of duty/kindness/i don't know what.  But answer me this, if a friend of yours treated you that way, would you stay their friend?

I didn't think so.

The next time she calls, and wants to be friends, tell her the truth.  You WERE friends, and she threw that out the window.  YOU refuse to condone someone treating you that way, and will not give her another chance.  Sure you're sorry she misses you and feels sad; and you understand why she wants to be friends and feel better about what she did, BUT that's her problem.  And since she made her choices, you get to make yours.  For you it is better to not resume any relationshp with her.  And she gave up the right to have her desires and needs affect your decisions.  If she really wanted to be friends, she would have your best interests at heart, and let you be.  Maybe next time she'll learn t do things the right way.  Maybe not.  But it's not abut her, it's about you.  You loving yourself enough to defend yourself.   After all isn't that part of what this surgery is about?

And yeah!  Get back to that church.  Be sociable.  Don't let her mistake cost you something that important to you.

I honestly think being my size has forced made extremely insecure. I've allowed people to get away with murder because of my own insecurities. I'm going to try with this surgery to not just lose weight but gain a back bone. Being friends with her will only benefit her and make her feel better. I do condone her behavior by maintaing a friendship! I'm glad you put it like that.

 I'm so sorry that you got treated like that.  No one deserves to be cheated on, in my opinion it's the worst thing anyone could do to another person that they say they love.  

I have to agree with everyone else.  Considering the situation I don't think it would  be good for you to be friends with her.  There was just too much pain and by being around her it would just force you to relive that over and over.  I agree with what you said, she probably is trying to make herself feel better because she knows she did a horrible thing.  

You can forgive but you definately don't have to be friends.  Hard as it probably is, I would try to break ties and move on.  You deserve way better than that!!

~Emily~

To me cheating is the worst thing someone can do. Its low class and brutal. The worst part to me isnt even the actualy sleeping with someone else but the lies and secrets...it's just horrible all together. I'm working on breaking ties with her and thank you I do deserve better!!

Definitely try to move on and cut the ties. You are a new you and you deserve so much more than what you were accepting before, because I felt the same way. I just stayed in my relationship because it was used to it, and didn't think I could do any better. I feel like I have grown so much more as a person when I finally finshed it and let him go, and stopped internet-stalking him and trying to figure out what he was doing without me. Because you need to think about yourself now!!!!!! No more putting others before you :) You deserve it.