Help my mother is 100% against me!
I just got my surgery date yesterday and it is schedualed for Febuary 4th 2009 I am beyond excited I can't wait to be able to shop even just in Wal-Mart and fit into their clothes I can't wait to be able to sit in a normal chair at a restraunt or the movie theater or even at church. I have one hurdle that is really stopping me my mother she is 110% against me havin this. She is a twig and never ever been big she thinks that I can just loose the weight with diet and excersize. I am so scared that she is not goin to take me to the hospital and or be there when I wake up from surgery I am not goin to back out of this becasue of her because it is time for me to do somthing for me and make myself better I am tired of doing things for other people it is my turn. My biggest fear is not havin my mom's support I am a girl and I am scared as hell to go through with this and I need my mom. Any advice on my mom coming around or has anyone else been in a simular situation?
~Valerie~
~Valerie~
Valerie,
Congratz on your surgery date, I wish you only they best of luck on that day! As for the issue with you mom, I can't say I am going through the same thing since all the family that I have told and my friends that I have told completely support me. My advice would be to just sit her down and explain to her why you really want this surgery. Also I feel that those people that have never been big can never truely understand what is is like. With that said give her as much information about the surgery as possible and give her the number to ur surgeons office so she can address any questions or concerns that she has wtih them. If all that fails then rely on your mother, daughter bond. If you call her before surgery and just tell her I really would love it if you came to the hospital with me and just leave it at that once she knows that your acutally in surgery she may change her attitude out of worrying about you. Not sure what else I can say about that other than good luck and I hope your mom comes around! Don't let her change your mind do this for you and no one else!
Brittnie
Congratz on your surgery date, I wish you only they best of luck on that day! As for the issue with you mom, I can't say I am going through the same thing since all the family that I have told and my friends that I have told completely support me. My advice would be to just sit her down and explain to her why you really want this surgery. Also I feel that those people that have never been big can never truely understand what is is like. With that said give her as much information about the surgery as possible and give her the number to ur surgeons office so she can address any questions or concerns that she has wtih them. If all that fails then rely on your mother, daughter bond. If you call her before surgery and just tell her I really would love it if you came to the hospital with me and just leave it at that once she knows that your acutally in surgery she may change her attitude out of worrying about you. Not sure what else I can say about that other than good luck and I hope your mom comes around! Don't let her change your mind do this for you and no one else!
Brittnie
HEY girl!! congrats!!!! you have a date!!! yeiiii.
about your mom. she is just to scared. my mom was freaking out. its normal they are the people who love us the most. so its hard place to be.
so sit down with her. and tell her that this surgery is for to to be able to enjoy your life. and live more time to take care of her and spend sometime together. this is not vanity this is a health.issue.
other thing you can do is let your mom lurk in to OH. and show her some blogs. of people who has truly made a change an have lived healthy for many years.
good luck and hang in there.
hugs
mariana
about your mom. she is just to scared. my mom was freaking out. its normal they are the people who love us the most. so its hard place to be.
so sit down with her. and tell her that this surgery is for to to be able to enjoy your life. and live more time to take care of her and spend sometime together. this is not vanity this is a health.issue.
other thing you can do is let your mom lurk in to OH. and show her some blogs. of people who has truly made a change an have lived healthy for many years.
good luck and hang in there.
hugs
mariana
Congrats about ur date thats awesome..im very happy for you.. My mom was so nervous too and so was my entire family but when I told them why i want to do it and gave them the info they were ok and just keep talking to your mom and tell her you want her to be there I completly understand i need my mom there too. its a bond between mother and daughter. Good LUCK
Valerie,
My father was against me having surgery. My mother supported me. This caused for some serious tension in my family for a little while. The truth is, he was only opposed because he was worried something terrible would happen. Even though the risks are low, there are still serious complications and even worse that occur. I am sure that is what your mother is truly concerned about.
I would gather some information, including statistics on what percentage of obese people who lose weight on their own actually end up keeping it off. Also, that the constant extreme losses and gains over and over are shown to not be good for your body. Explain to her that yes, surgery has its risks, but if you don't do something serious to get this weight off, you are going to die young or just be miserable from other things like diabetes, high blood pressure, breathing problems, being infertile, etc. Also tell her that this surgery is not magic, you are still going to have to watch what you eat and exercise, but it will give you a chance at getting to and maintaining a normal and healthy weight.
Ask her to please be there for you and support you, because you are going to go through with it no matter what. I am certain she will be there for you, its obvious she loves you and cares about you.
Best wishes,
Leigh
My father was against me having surgery. My mother supported me. This caused for some serious tension in my family for a little while. The truth is, he was only opposed because he was worried something terrible would happen. Even though the risks are low, there are still serious complications and even worse that occur. I am sure that is what your mother is truly concerned about.
I would gather some information, including statistics on what percentage of obese people who lose weight on their own actually end up keeping it off. Also, that the constant extreme losses and gains over and over are shown to not be good for your body. Explain to her that yes, surgery has its risks, but if you don't do something serious to get this weight off, you are going to die young or just be miserable from other things like diabetes, high blood pressure, breathing problems, being infertile, etc. Also tell her that this surgery is not magic, you are still going to have to watch what you eat and exercise, but it will give you a chance at getting to and maintaining a normal and healthy weight.
Ask her to please be there for you and support you, because you are going to go through with it no matter what. I am certain she will be there for you, its obvious she loves you and cares about you.
Best wishes,
Leigh
♥Leigh♥ (All weight lost post-op)
Even if your mom is against the surgery she should still be supportive of you as a person.. let her know that.
My mom was against the surgery... I am now 2.5 years out and she STILL tells everybody how proud she is etc (doesnt help that she works the bariatric floor at the hospital either!)....
My mom said she was scared of something happening to me or having a poor outcome/complications.. its hard for a mom to see their baby choosing to have a surgery ya know? Shell come around, just ask for her support as your mom and for her not to be negative about the surgery etc.
My mom was against the surgery... I am now 2.5 years out and she STILL tells everybody how proud she is etc (doesnt help that she works the bariatric floor at the hospital either!)....
My mom said she was scared of something happening to me or having a poor outcome/complications.. its hard for a mom to see their baby choosing to have a surgery ya know? Shell come around, just ask for her support as your mom and for her not to be negative about the surgery etc.
First visit to surgeon - 288 ~ bmi 45.1
2 week pre-op 252 ~ bmi 39.5
Total lost - 153 Since surgery - 117!
Goal weight - 155 (mine) 180 (surgeons)
Current weight - 135 (2020 I lost 10lbs due to dedicating myself to working out more and being in better shape)
1/14/2025 still maintaining 135 :-)
Extended TT, lipo, fat injections - 11/2011
BA/BL/Arm Lift - 7/2014
Scar revision on arms - 3/2015
HALO laser on arms/neck 9/2016
Thigh Lift 10/2020
Thigh Lift revision 10/2021
Hello,
I think you should have your mom go to a pre-op class with you, or your local WL/GBS support groups. I flat out said to my mom, "mom, I have been unhappy for 7 years, i fake it when we are with family, i hate me, and i cant stand this, I also have high blood pressurre, so she understands why I am doing this, so I said do I have your support?" she said yes of corse. You need to be there for your little girls....
On the other hand, I have a very XS sister, who has never had an ounce of body fat on her, she says you just make excuses for yourself, you need to eat oatmeal and drink protein drinks and exercise, well hunny, let me tell you at 360 pounds, i am lucky to make it down a flight of stairs without my knees giving out. she says, is there anyway I can talk you out of this, I said no cuz u have no idea what its like to be me and so limited, that your kids suffer...
Do what you can, and speak from your heart, she will come around!
Best wishes,
Jeannie
I think you should have your mom go to a pre-op class with you, or your local WL/GBS support groups. I flat out said to my mom, "mom, I have been unhappy for 7 years, i fake it when we are with family, i hate me, and i cant stand this, I also have high blood pressurre, so she understands why I am doing this, so I said do I have your support?" she said yes of corse. You need to be there for your little girls....
On the other hand, I have a very XS sister, who has never had an ounce of body fat on her, she says you just make excuses for yourself, you need to eat oatmeal and drink protein drinks and exercise, well hunny, let me tell you at 360 pounds, i am lucky to make it down a flight of stairs without my knees giving out. she says, is there anyway I can talk you out of this, I said no cuz u have no idea what its like to be me and so limited, that your kids suffer...
Do what you can, and speak from your heart, she will come around!
Best wishes,
Jeannie
Everyone here is right, she loves you and is scared for you.
My mom felt the same way. She didn't think I was that fat, she didn't think it was a good choice for me, she didn't think i needed to be so drastic. I wish I could say she's come around, but I think she still thinks I am a little crazy for doing it.
That being said, early on I said to her, I know you don't agreee, and I know you are frightened, but I have decided to do this. And right now, what I need from you, is to be the loving, supportive mother you've always been. If you need to express you concern and fears, talk to Dad, or sis, but I can't hear it. This is scary and hard, and I need you behind me. or something along those lines...
Amazingly, she was. She was with me every minute at the hospital, until they kicked her out. She spent my first day at home with me. She rubbed my back, mopped my brow, and held the emesis basin. And she never once said anything negative again.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that whether she agrees with you or not, your mom loves you, and will be at your side every time you need her.
Good luck with surgery!
My mom felt the same way. She didn't think I was that fat, she didn't think it was a good choice for me, she didn't think i needed to be so drastic. I wish I could say she's come around, but I think she still thinks I am a little crazy for doing it.
That being said, early on I said to her, I know you don't agreee, and I know you are frightened, but I have decided to do this. And right now, what I need from you, is to be the loving, supportive mother you've always been. If you need to express you concern and fears, talk to Dad, or sis, but I can't hear it. This is scary and hard, and I need you behind me. or something along those lines...
Amazingly, she was. She was with me every minute at the hospital, until they kicked her out. She spent my first day at home with me. She rubbed my back, mopped my brow, and held the emesis basin. And she never once said anything negative again.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that whether she agrees with you or not, your mom loves you, and will be at your side every time you need her.
Good luck with surgery!
Start weight/preop weight/current weight/goal weight
335/322/190-200/189
I was 15 when I first told my Mom about my thoughts on the surgery... however, that was 10 years ago now.
I never told her anything this time until I was approved. When I first told her, her first words were, "It's a very dangerous surgery." I could tell instantly that she was against it and that she was scared. She quickly came around and is now excited for me.
You're an adult and she needs to respect that you are able to make your own decisions. Don't just tell her that you've done your research... show her. Let her know that she doesn't have to support you having the surgery, but she does need to support you making an the decision to do so.
I hope she comes around soon... because even though we're adults, we still seek our parents' approval. Good luck!
I never told her anything this time until I was approved. When I first told her, her first words were, "It's a very dangerous surgery." I could tell instantly that she was against it and that she was scared. She quickly came around and is now excited for me.
You're an adult and she needs to respect that you are able to make your own decisions. Don't just tell her that you've done your research... show her. Let her know that she doesn't have to support you having the surgery, but she does need to support you making an the decision to do so.
I hope she comes around soon... because even though we're adults, we still seek our parents' approval. Good luck!
First of all its nice to see some people from Minnesota, thats where I am from, Rogers MN. But I am now in Alabama due to my husband being from here.
Back on topic....No worries!! It will all be okay. Just sit her down and really explain to her the reasons for it. I have alot of support from friends family but I think its cause I have diebetis and PCOS and some day I want a child. Just explain to her why and I'm sure she will come around!!
We are here for you!! But I understand the need to have your mom with you!!
Luv
Carmen
Back on topic....No worries!! It will all be okay. Just sit her down and really explain to her the reasons for it. I have alot of support from friends family but I think its cause I have diebetis and PCOS and some day I want a child. Just explain to her why and I'm sure she will come around!!
We are here for you!! But I understand the need to have your mom with you!!
Luv
Carmen
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