One year out today!
Hi everyone,
I haven't been on here in a while but I have still tried to keep my blog up to date. Today marks 1 year since my surgery and I am posting what I wrote on my blog here. You know how they say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" - well sometimes that's how I feel on things like this in terms of if you don't have anything happy to say... But today is a big day and I want to do some honest reflection, happy or not! I have done very well in the past year and I am proud of that but I'm still working on the happy. The body part was easy in comparison. Anyway here's my post and a pic, more pics and everything are on my profile. Thanks to all of you I have gotten to know over the course of the past year!
One year ago at this time I was lying groggy in my hospital room wondering what the hell I just put myself through. I was wearing a size 18/20 and weighed about 250 pounds. I was uncomfortable all the time, physically, emotionally and socially. It hurt to walk more than a block or two and it was so uncomfortable just getting in and out of my car. My biggest fear was not death or complications, but that I would fail at this. I was sad and lonely and absolutely despised the way I looked. I felt like this surgery was my last hope to finding confidence and happiness.
Today I am wearing a size 6 and weigh 152.8 pounds. So much has changed, yet at the same time so little. I didn't fail. I am actually a great success story losing 99.8% of my excess weight. I had my 1 year follow up with my surgeon last week and they even asked me to be on the cover of their weight loss surgery magazine. I was flattered but said no because I am still so embarrassed about how I looked before and would never want to "go public" with that. Today I feel pretty. I am confident about how I look and no longer feel like my weight is the big white elephant in the room. I have so much more confidence physically, and somewhat socially, but still not emotionally. I am still sad and lonely. I know a lot of people go through this but when I was fat and single I blamed it on being fat. Now I am thin and pretty and still single, so is it me? Is it something about my personality or something else? People who have known me throughout this journey always say to me "oh the guys must be all over you now." I wish they were but they are not! Yes I get a few more looks and comments but I still can't find what I'm looking for. My social life has really dwindled with a lot of friends moving or settling down with their partners and I feel more alone than ever. I am so proud of my progress over the last year, I just really wish I felt happier about it!
I haven't been on here in a while but I have still tried to keep my blog up to date. Today marks 1 year since my surgery and I am posting what I wrote on my blog here. You know how they say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" - well sometimes that's how I feel on things like this in terms of if you don't have anything happy to say... But today is a big day and I want to do some honest reflection, happy or not! I have done very well in the past year and I am proud of that but I'm still working on the happy. The body part was easy in comparison. Anyway here's my post and a pic, more pics and everything are on my profile. Thanks to all of you I have gotten to know over the course of the past year!
One year ago at this time I was lying groggy in my hospital room wondering what the hell I just put myself through. I was wearing a size 18/20 and weighed about 250 pounds. I was uncomfortable all the time, physically, emotionally and socially. It hurt to walk more than a block or two and it was so uncomfortable just getting in and out of my car. My biggest fear was not death or complications, but that I would fail at this. I was sad and lonely and absolutely despised the way I looked. I felt like this surgery was my last hope to finding confidence and happiness.
Today I am wearing a size 6 and weigh 152.8 pounds. So much has changed, yet at the same time so little. I didn't fail. I am actually a great success story losing 99.8% of my excess weight. I had my 1 year follow up with my surgeon last week and they even asked me to be on the cover of their weight loss surgery magazine. I was flattered but said no because I am still so embarrassed about how I looked before and would never want to "go public" with that. Today I feel pretty. I am confident about how I look and no longer feel like my weight is the big white elephant in the room. I have so much more confidence physically, and somewhat socially, but still not emotionally. I am still sad and lonely. I know a lot of people go through this but when I was fat and single I blamed it on being fat. Now I am thin and pretty and still single, so is it me? Is it something about my personality or something else? People who have known me throughout this journey always say to me "oh the guys must be all over you now." I wish they were but they are not! Yes I get a few more looks and comments but I still can't find what I'm looking for. My social life has really dwindled with a lot of friends moving or settling down with their partners and I feel more alone than ever. I am so proud of my progress over the last year, I just really wish I felt happier about it!
First off... Damn Girl! You're stunning- Congratulations on such an achievement.
I truly understand about the dwindling of a social life with friends. This is the perfect opportunity to find out who our real friends are and just who is there for their own benefit.
You are definately an inspiration and should reconsider being the poster child for your surgeon. Take you life back as you've done and be proud of what you've accomplished.
I truly understand about the dwindling of a social life with friends. This is the perfect opportunity to find out who our real friends are and just who is there for their own benefit.
You are definately an inspiration and should reconsider being the poster child for your surgeon. Take you life back as you've done and be proud of what you've accomplished.
*~*Jaci*~*
The more things the change, the more they're still the same.
Well first off you look amazing, congrats on your sucess! I haven't joined you on the loser bench yet, I am just starting this process.I can completely understand about not feeling comfortable in your own skin. I am on myspace and get a fair amount of complements the way I am now and I hear that I'm pretty but at the same time, I don't get asked out. I feel that people just say it to say it, you know? Anyways back to you.... I am a true believer that you can't make someone else happy until you are happy with yourself. I know thats kind of a harsh statement but at the same time its the truth (at least to me). You have to find things that you love about yourself and focus on what makes you happy and be happy with the new healthier YOU!! Don't be afraid or hate they way you were before, I know thats hard not to do but it made you who you are today and you have to learn from it and turn it into a positive experience. Maybe if you did become the "poster child" for your surgeon it would teach you a little about who you are. Believe me, you will find a guy that will be amazing but its not going to happen over night and its going to happen when you least expect it. Start doing stuff that makes you happy and when you are happy with who you are it will happen!!!
Good luck!!! We are all here for you if you need support
Good luck!!! We are all here for you if you need support
Wow you look great! Congratulations on all your success, I'm sure you definitely see the glass as half full in the mirror!
As far as men are concerned, I think you should praise yourself that you haven't just dated any joe on the street. I also think we all have to agree that no matter, big, small, short, tall, we all find ourselves down on our social status at one point or another. I know a lot of times I feel the same, having moved away from friends for work. Yet, I force myself to still be part of that social interaction which is so important for my day to day life, I also find myself doing more volunteer work and work in general.
If nothing else, take comfort that we all (I know I do) reach that point where we're all lonely to some degree, and am hoping to connect with one human being. Know there's hope.
Have a beautiful day and msg me if you ever need anything!
-Cait
As far as men are concerned, I think you should praise yourself that you haven't just dated any joe on the street. I also think we all have to agree that no matter, big, small, short, tall, we all find ourselves down on our social status at one point or another. I know a lot of times I feel the same, having moved away from friends for work. Yet, I force myself to still be part of that social interaction which is so important for my day to day life, I also find myself doing more volunteer work and work in general.
If nothing else, take comfort that we all (I know I do) reach that point where we're all lonely to some degree, and am hoping to connect with one human being. Know there's hope.
Have a beautiful day and msg me if you ever need anything!
-Cait
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!! you are and inspiration. keep on the good work.
i know that sometime we think that weigh loss is gonna fix all our problems. and when we realized that it wont we feel bad about ourself. but keep going you are a beautiful woman and will find what you are looking for. have faith.
hugs.
mariana.
i know that sometime we think that weigh loss is gonna fix all our problems. and when we realized that it wont we feel bad about ourself. but keep going you are a beautiful woman and will find what you are looking for. have faith.
hugs.
mariana.
First off, being with someone does not define you, yes it can make you happier but sometimes it doesn't. You have done a fantastic job with the weightloss, seriously give yourself a huge pat on the back, hug, whatever. It is my opinion that sometimes a person gets so used to seeing themselves a certain way that they are still self-conscious, which is not that attractive. You look awesome, so why don't to try to project some confidence? Confident people are attractive, don't you agree? Try going out and having fun with friends and flirting with some guys or something, see how it makes you feel when you get positive responses, because I am sure you will. But seriously, I don't know you and I don't know how you live your life so please don't take offense, I am just talking to you like I would my best friend. Good Luck and try to be happy.
Rachel
I think i may be a little late in posting on here, but what the heck. Damn girl, you look great! Congratulations on all your hard work. As for happy, someone I worked with once used to say, for most people, happy is a choice. It is about how YOU choose to perceive the world, people, and yourself. Things around you are external, happy is internal.
If that doesn't work though, fly up to Montreal. I'll take you out dancing. There's nothing that can't be improved by good music and men who WANT you....
Keep your chin up.
If that doesn't work though, fly up to Montreal. I'll take you out dancing. There's nothing that can't be improved by good music and men who WANT you....
Keep your chin up.
Start weight/preop weight/current weight/goal weight
335/322/190-200/189
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