Online Dating... Feeling Lost... And Figuring What This WLS Thing Is all About

Since moving to a new city, I decided to join an online dating service to help get connected to a social life.  It's working really really well and I like it because I feel *safe* dating this way.  Men are such foreign objects to me - I have NO guy radar and am entirely socially inept for a 29 year old.  In the past, I acccepted the minimum because I thought that was all I deserved.  I allowed myself to be used instead of making healthy choices because I didn't know how to.  Now, with online dating, I can control more of the situation, being selective about who and when and where.  It's really great!

But I still feel really weird about this.  I think dating is triggering a lot of new thoughts and feelings for me, amplifying this new place in my life sine losing 118 lbs.  Most of the time, I'm walking around thinking "I don't know how to do this.  I don't know what it means to be thin.  I don't know how to date or be attractive or make a relationship work long term.  I don't know how to dress myself anymore.  I don't know what I want for myself or who I am now or what I'm interested in."  I feel like I'm growing up all over again and going through a second puberty of sorts!  It's NUTS!!!!!!!!  I never anticipated this happening.  I thought it would all start to make a lot more sense as I got closer to goal.

Am I alone here?  I don't really know how to explain this, just that most of my life feels quite foreign and new and scary to me now.  I just need to know that you understand what I'm talking about and can relate.  How do we walk through this weird part of the journey... as we get closer to our goal weights and reach a new place of transformation?  Dating? Jobs? Goals?  Activities?  It's all upside down for me now!!

Heather

hi, i know how you feel.here in my home town we don´t have the online dating thing. but its hard for me to be flirt with men `cuz i`m still feel like the fat girl. i guess is like you say we have to learn like we are a teens again haha.
good luck .

I did some online dating preop, because my friend actually and met and married a guy from online dating.  She would get all these emails and messages and I would get on and get nothing, I felt it hurt my self esteem. 

I had planned on trying it again once I'm closer to goal.  I think its an easier way to meet people for those of us that dont have as much dating experience.

I say give it a go and see where it takes you.   At some point we have to take chances!  :)  Good Luck

Heather~  I didn't really do the online dating service thing, but I did meet my husband on Myspace.  I got divorced after my WLS (long story) and waited quite a while to start dating again.  My husband sent my an add request and we started talking as friends and then one day I posted some random bulletin saying something about "would you date me or just hit it", something along those lines.  He responded with saying he wanted to date me and it went from there.  I totally understand what you're going through with the transformation.  I am over 4 years post-op and I still struggle with not knowing how to dress sometimes.  It's just a lot of changes when you've been a certain way (obese) for so many years and then you lose the weight and there is a world of new opportunities in front of you.  I wish you all sorts of luck, girl.  I think you're so pretty and I know someone great is out there for you!

i don't know about the whole internet dating thing, but i can relate to dating. i know exactly how you feel about ur life feeling new and upside down. it took me a long time to adjust to the new life. when i first got thinner, it was hard for me to talk to girls. i always compared it to being a teenager, or what i thought it would have been like to be a normal teenager. i was alwaysvery social and outgoing, but to actually "talk" to girls was foreign to me. it took a long time to also believe girls would actually want to talk to me or care what i had to say. i think it may even be harder for me as guy since we generally have to be the approacher. but it just took some time and now i go out with confidence. i am absolutely loving my life as a thin dude. and as for the dressing part, i can now wear all the cool and kickass clothes i have always wanted to wear. i feel so comfortable with myself now and love shopping for new clothes. especially jeans now. it's great to be able to go into any store in the mall and know that they have my size. well i wish you the best of luck on ur journey. it's not the easiest ride, but the destination is well worth it!

I would check out social groups instead of just dating - there is a pressure with dating that isnt there or as strong with social groups - check out meetup.com or meetin.org for different activity groups in your area - its a good way to get your feet wet, meet people and get comfortable being around men. I personally belong to go social! which is an activities group, a good eats group which does dining out and a womens social group... my friend who is single belongs to a charlotte singles group - they meet up for dinners, dancing, clubs etc.. its a single event but you have the fun part of a group event too. The events are good because you automatically have a common ground - the group! Its a good way to get talking to people.

I cant really help with the rest... for me I finally feel like the outside matches the inside so I dont really relate to the rest... I know a lot of others do thou.