Scared of the what-if's.....

 As my surgery day draws closer (Dec 8th) my emotions are going crazy.  I can't stop thinking about the possible bad things that may happen, including death.   There are some friends I haven't told about my surgery and I'm afraid to...I'm really not sure why I'm afraid to, if that makes any sense, but I am.   So about every morning around 4am, I wake up and sit there and worry until I can go back to sleep.  I do have another appointment with my psychologist tomorrow, so hopefully that will help me let some of this out but it seems to be getting worse.  The only thing I can foresee helping is my pre-surgery class that is scheduled for Nov. 25th.  I'm hoping that will calm some fears that I have.  It's not that I'm scared because I don't know anything, I've honestly read every book that I can get my hands on so I feel very informed.  This is probably fear of the unknown.  I wish I wouldn't worry so much all the time.  Don't get me wrong, I do have my moments of excitement of how I'm going to look at feel a year from now but it seems like lately those are becoming fewer and fewer and the ugly what ifs are in my mind more.  *sigh*  I just wi**** was all over with right now.  

Sorry to be so negative.....I'm usually more upbeat, I swear!  Thanks for listening, it's what I need right now.  

~Emily~

The majority of us have been in the same boat.. its a common fear not raelly negativity :-)
My thing always was - what if you get hit by a bus tomorrow? struck by a bolt of lightening? You cant let 'what ifs' rule your life, especially when they are out of your control. I know its hard because you are choosing to have surgery, I was never scared of surgery before as I was with this.. other surgeries I had no choice (fixing a broken bone, tonsils etc) but this I was choosing to do - but my biggest 'what if' that scared me the most - what if I dont have the surgery? where will I be in 5 years? 10? will I be bigger? sick? will I live a good life?
So basically its normal, your time is comming up soon!! It will be here before you know it.

Emily, 
 
Most of us, I feel, have had the same feelings you are having now.  You are choosing to have this surgery to better yourself and that is what you need to keep in mind.   This was the first surgery I had ever had before and I was scared to death!  I remember getting undressed for surgery thinking to myself, I don't have to do this...I can tell them nevermind and walk out of here.  But I didn't and I am really glad I didn't.  Pre-op nerves are normal, you just need to focus on the positive aspects of what this surgery is going to do for you now and know that you are doing a good and healthy thing for yourself.  You're right anything can happen but if you stay positive and trust that you will make it through it you will be fine.  Good Luck!

I know how you feel. I've been having some of the same thoughts. We just have to remember...this is to help us feel better, get healthier, and live longer. My big what if lately is...what if I don't have this surgery.

Emily...
I was where you are now too...and I had to just stop looking at it as an "elective surgery" and start looking at it as "electing to save my life"...and looking back at it, thats EXACTLY what this surgery has been...LIFE SAVING.
There are even more "what-ifs" associated with not taking control of your health...and although there are so many ups and downs on the WLS journey, you'll find VERY FEW people who wouldn't do it all over again after having had a taste of the "good life"
good luck to you...your feelings are normal...
xxxBecca

hi, emily.
i`m so sorry that you are feeling so nervious. It`s normal to have that feeling. we all had that. but you know what it totaly worth it. all the fear, all the bad moments. when you are done with all this. you are gonna be like " it`s that it "  this is for your good.
so be brave girl. big things come with big sacrifices.
so hang in there.
hugs and chin up girl, everything it`s gonna be fine.
mariana.