Friends... gah!!!!!

Why is it that something so positive in someones life can cause such negativity in others lives??  In so many words, one of my best friends has told that me having surgery has caused her to relapse in her eating disorder.  WTH!!!!???  I feel like there has been a strain on this friendship since me "talking" about surgery became "I'm having surgery".  There always some type of blame being put on me.  This summer I was planning a mission trip to Africa with my best guy friend and it took a huge chunk of my time and she emailed me and told me that I ignore her and she was mad that I always clicked over for certain people and Inever  called her, blah blah blah, in which I had to respond... that the trip was my first priority and if I'm clicking over it's because it's important.  it's like either she hates the fact that I have other friends or something...  well now it's like I could tell whenever I would talk about my surgery she would be nonresponsive and I could tell that she wasn't listening and the closer it got to my surgery date the worst her relapse got... well, last week she tells me that she doesn't want me to tell her the amount of weight I lose because that's triggering her to purge.  I just feel like its a load of crap and I feel like she trying to make me own her issues, and I refuse to do that!  I just feel like this friendship is so hard and I'm tired of trying and her constantly blaming me and putting stuff on me, when I have so many other rich frienship that are easy and supportive... what would you do??

hi, i know this is very hard for you, but this is the time to take care of yourself. this is "your time"  don´t  worry about other people been jelous about your surgery.
a lot of friends of mine. who are really thin and preatty feel jelous about my wls. and that`s ironic. some people can´t  deal with others people`s succes.(that dosen´t  mean that they don´t love you) she may think that you are gonna change or find some new friends after your surgery.
so i believe that that feeling will pas and you both been friends again.
son don´t worry .
hugs.
hang in there girl.
mariana.

I have a complicated opinion, but I have to run right now so I'll write you later on tonight. that sounds like a major bummer though :(

 Hey!  Sorry you are having a tough time with this person.  From what you wrote, it really sounds like this friend has some issues.  She seems very insecure and controling by telling you that you can't talk about her surgery because it could trigger her eating disorder.  If she is that sensitive, she needs to be getting herself some help to deal.  A true friend would be supportive and even if they were having issues, they would talk to you about it like an adult, in a non-blaming mannor.  Sounds like there are maturity issues as well.  

Maybe she is angry at your for taking control of your life when she can't control hers so she needs someone to blame?  That's my theory.   A friendship should not be stressful, it should bring happieness and if it doesn't, maybe it's time to reevaluate the situation.  

Best of luck to you and your friend!  

~Emily~

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this with your friend. I hate to say it but I remember going through this with my "best friend" the first time I thought about getting the surgery. We looked a lot a like (like we could be sisters) besides my weight issue. I told her I was thinking about getting WLS and she freaked out and basicly told me there was no need for me to get that done that I could lose the weight on my own and that I wasn't trying to lose the weight. I had known this girl since the 5th grade and she had seen me gain and lose with execise and dieting so I didn't understand how she could say I wasn't trying. I played sports 5 days a week and only lost 20lbs over about 4-5 months. I finally came to the conclusion that she was either jealous or afraid that it would hurt our friendship, we are no longer friends which is really sad. My closest friend now is so excited for me and can't wait for me to get my surgery so that I can start to become more healthy. I would just tell your friend how you feel and like someone else said maybe she needs help with her eating disorder if she is saying that you losing weight will cause her to relaps. This is your moment thought and don't let anyone spoil it! Good luck

It sounds harsh... but run, don't walk away from this "close" friendship.  I have lived through enough for everyone and its hell.  You don't need this extra burden on you.  If this is causing her to have so many issues and problems, she needs to seek specialized treatment and stop blaming you.  There are so many other people out there that are just waiting to meet you, don't let one naysayer stand in your way.

As hard as it may be, it might be time to end this friendship.  It does not really sound like much of a real friendship anymore anyways.  I have had to cut ties with people that were too emotionally needy and draining of me.  It is hard to do, but i felt so much better after it was done.  I need friends in my life that are going to support me, and build me up, not tear me down and blame me.