OT : ...well ya I have started talking to a new boy. He is reallyI have started talking to a new...
...well ya I have started talking to a new boy. He is really awesome etc and really nice, I said something about drinking and how I don't like to do it cause its a lot of extra calories right now that I don't need. He ended up telling me that he has lost over 70 pounds over the last couple years and stuff in which I thought was really awesome. So I decided to share with him how I have my date for gastric bypass on December 11th. Where he got kind of silent, and asked me bluntly if it was for health reasons for appearance issues. In which I tell him wellllll the right answer is health, and the wrong answer is appearance so I am about in the middle. He told me that was stupid and that if its for appearance issues then I am dumb and thats dumb etc etc. Then I proceeded to tell him that if I didn't lose a pound but knew having surgery would make me healthy and get rid of weight problems in the future that I would still do it in a heart beat and thats what I feel like is the most important and just told him I was being honest. He just ended up saying so more stuff and got to the fact hat he has known people who have had surgery and have turned out to be egotistical shallow people eventually. I don't know I only told him that I can say that I can't see myself being that way and truthfully I would talk to him and enjoy him the same weather it's a now or in a year. He just ended up telling me something along the lines of how I am going to look dramatically different and I am gonna know that I can get way better looking guys and forget guys like him in the future, which I thought was kind of sad because I really think he is such a cool cute guy so I don't know. He did end up apologizing and just told me that he was being selfish and he just finds me attractive so thats why he was being the way he was.
sorry for the long story, ha I don't know I kind of felt weird about hearing this from hiim, generally everyone that finds out about surgery is 100% supportive I have not had any kind of negative feedback, I am not saying that it is negative. Him being this way made me think a lot and is really different for me. I go from an ex who was embarrassed of me and hated what I looked like to the point where I was never aloud to be known by or meet his friends, to this guy who is getting freaked out so much that I am gonna change so dramatically. I talked to my friend about it and she just said take the attention and don't get to involved ha, I guess I don't even know what I am looking for other then if other people had anything similar happen?
sorry for the long story, ha I don't know I kind of felt weird about hearing this from hiim, generally everyone that finds out about surgery is 100% supportive I have not had any kind of negative feedback, I am not saying that it is negative. Him being this way made me think a lot and is really different for me. I go from an ex who was embarrassed of me and hated what I looked like to the point where I was never aloud to be known by or meet his friends, to this guy who is getting freaked out so much that I am gonna change so dramatically. I talked to my friend about it and she just said take the attention and don't get to involved ha, I guess I don't even know what I am looking for other then if other people had anything similar happen?
www.myspace.com/realcoolamanda
He doesn't deserve you. You don't need that kind of negativity right now... Sounds like he has his mind set and won't listen at all. All you can do is offer to educate, if he won't accept you for you and what you have done to come this far... buh bye. There is a better guy out there waiting!
*~*Jaci*~*
The more things the change, the more they're still the same.
I disagree with Jaci (sorry Jaci!)
I think he is nervous and in his mind he is afraid you are going to turn into a skinny shallow ***** He likes you for you fat or thin but he wonders if the thin you will still be attracted to him.
How many time do you read stories on this site about women who have loss all this weight and are now with a guy they never dreamed they could ever date? It does happen. People get divorced for these reasons all the time - it is not naive of him to feel this way when he just started seeing you.
He has probably been treated poorly in the past by some skinny shallow ***** and really does not want to go throught that again - if you really like him just reassure him that you are into him.
Oh and I can say I did this once... I was always heavy (story of our lives) I lost a ton of weight and started going out partying - I was a very shallow skinny ***** I knew when I went into bars I could be with whichever guy I felt like that night and I did whatever I wanted. I was a ***** and a tease... I started dating my hubby... he actually broke up with me because I partied too hard (but in my mind I was making up for lost tome for being fat) When he asked me back out it was under the condition that I could only go out 1 time a week without him... I agreed because I really loved him. Well I ended up getting pregnant (twice by him) and marrying him - and if he never made that stipulation I can pretty much guarantee I would have cheated on him more than once.
I gained all my weight and more in the past 4-5 years we have been together - It bothers me because I kNOW that he would never have dated me if I were fat to begin with (I knew his record and they were all thin and beautiful) Your new guy is probably thinking that the skinny you will not want him.
I will also say that my taste in men did not change when I lost weight BUT I could date much "hotter" guys when I was thin and I did because I could. I was REALLY shallow during that time in my life. Thank god the man I married had qualities that were not based solely on his looks (some of those guys were freaking DUMB!!! - it was like talking to a wall but I told myself they were hot so it didn't matter)
I actually voiced this to my husband - I told him that I remembered how I felt when I was thin and I "knew" I was cute skinny and it went to my head - I am so GLAD that I have a family to keep me grounded.
I think he is nervous and in his mind he is afraid you are going to turn into a skinny shallow ***** He likes you for you fat or thin but he wonders if the thin you will still be attracted to him.
How many time do you read stories on this site about women who have loss all this weight and are now with a guy they never dreamed they could ever date? It does happen. People get divorced for these reasons all the time - it is not naive of him to feel this way when he just started seeing you.
He has probably been treated poorly in the past by some skinny shallow ***** and really does not want to go throught that again - if you really like him just reassure him that you are into him.
Oh and I can say I did this once... I was always heavy (story of our lives) I lost a ton of weight and started going out partying - I was a very shallow skinny ***** I knew when I went into bars I could be with whichever guy I felt like that night and I did whatever I wanted. I was a ***** and a tease... I started dating my hubby... he actually broke up with me because I partied too hard (but in my mind I was making up for lost tome for being fat) When he asked me back out it was under the condition that I could only go out 1 time a week without him... I agreed because I really loved him. Well I ended up getting pregnant (twice by him) and marrying him - and if he never made that stipulation I can pretty much guarantee I would have cheated on him more than once.
I gained all my weight and more in the past 4-5 years we have been together - It bothers me because I kNOW that he would never have dated me if I were fat to begin with (I knew his record and they were all thin and beautiful) Your new guy is probably thinking that the skinny you will not want him.
I will also say that my taste in men did not change when I lost weight BUT I could date much "hotter" guys when I was thin and I did because I could. I was REALLY shallow during that time in my life. Thank god the man I married had qualities that were not based solely on his looks (some of those guys were freaking DUMB!!! - it was like talking to a wall but I told myself they were hot so it didn't matter)
I actually voiced this to my husband - I told him that I remembered how I felt when I was thin and I "knew" I was cute skinny and it went to my head - I am so GLAD that I have a family to keep me grounded.
I really thank you for the feedback and stories, I guess I am just going to truck along and see how it goes. I shouldn't be diving into anything right now anyway so I am just gonna take it easy. I understand weirdly enough where he is coming from. Also, I would never change my decision for surgery for anyone, this is for myself and I really have come along way even before surgery has started I am excited.
www.myspace.com/realcoolamanda
His response sounds like he's jealous and has low self confidence. He sounds a lot like a guy I dated for 3 years...he was a lot smaller than I, and everytime I tried to lose weight he would go on a jealousy spree and get all mopey and like "if you keep losing weight you're not going to want me anymore" like guilt-tripping me into staying fat. WTF.
I should have saw the signs and ran for the hills 3 months in (when I first felt like it wasn't going to work) but stuck around for 3 lame years. I went out with friends to a mall or something and I'd come home to "so how many guy**** on you today?" um wtf, NONE go away!
My advice, is find someone who cares about YOU, and doesn't even care if you're fat, thin, losing weight, gaining weight, etc etc. It really sounds like someone with an early sign of jealousy and confidence issues and would likely be jealous about every person you talk to in your life other than him.
Just my two cents from personal experience!
I should have saw the signs and ran for the hills 3 months in (when I first felt like it wasn't going to work) but stuck around for 3 lame years. I went out with friends to a mall or something and I'd come home to "so how many guy**** on you today?" um wtf, NONE go away!
My advice, is find someone who cares about YOU, and doesn't even care if you're fat, thin, losing weight, gaining weight, etc etc. It really sounds like someone with an early sign of jealousy and confidence issues and would likely be jealous about every person you talk to in your life other than him.
Just my two cents from personal experience!
omg! me and my boyfriend basically had the same convo only we have been together a little while now! it still takes me talkin to him and telling him that I will still love him when im smaller. (if i ever get to that point!) I know Chad loves me, I honestly think he is worried I will turn into the "skinny *****es" we all hated for years....I know things about me will change, I will be half the person I am now, and I will eat healthier, and probably wont be as lazy.....but "I" wont change. I will still be me, I'll see things how I always have, and I will ALWAYS love HIM!
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