acceptance..

Acceptance….

 

 

I’ve been doing a whole lot of thinking over these past few months after my 1 yr. surgiversary. I’ve come to some conclusions.. and revelations! It’s been anything but easy, and everyday I’m trying to really grow into myself.

 

1. I had a very hard time accepting things that can NOT be changed. I’m resisting what "is" based on what "was". I find myself dwelling on the little things about my body that I absolutely HATE. Not appreciating life, and enjoying the things that I love. I can’t change the fact that over a year, I lost so much weight that my skin hasn’t had a chance to snap back to where it’s supposed to be. It may not ever. I need to accept it, embrace it, appreciate it, and MOVE ON.

 

 

2. I’m not who I think I am. I’m not the girl who couldn’t walk up a flight of steps… I’ve worked my ass off, and achieved major successes, with many more to come. When I was pre-op, I found a few people on OH who I absolutely idolized. I wanted to be just like them. I thought they were perfect. Looking back… they prob. Were having the same problems with themselves that I am now. But from the outside, no one even sees the faults I see in myself. We have all grown up with certain comments and certain events that has given us this "image" of who we think we are. That image stays the same in our minds no matter what we look like in the mirror. I need to really listen to the compliments I’m receiving… and see myself as others do. I don’t need to put stock in what I THINK others think about me, or will think, and focus on the constant… which is my own opinion.

 

3. I can’t waste my time wishing I was someone else, or looked like someone "thinner" than me. Cause honestly, it’s not going to happen. I am who I am. I’ll never look like them, and nor should I want to. Then I wouldn’t be a unique human being. Our uniqueness is our strength. We’re not like thin people. We’re better. Here’s why: We’ve seen both sides of the spectrum. We know what it’s like to be heavy.. we’re learning what it’s like to be thinner. How many people can say something like that? We’ll always have that soft spot, and consideration for heavier people. It’s something I never want to lose. You can certainly find inspiration in others, but why should we desire to be just like them? There’s only one me in this world… don’t we owe it to ourselves to be the best person we can be? We grow up thinking different isn’t good, but in reality, our differences make us who we are. It seems the thinner you get the more judgmental of your body you become. Even with my flabby arms, and thighs, I’m different in an absolutely amazing way. I need to cheri**** The moment you start accepting yourself and be at peace with it, that’s the moment where life starts to truly work for you.

4.Again, I’ve worked so hard to get myself where I am now… and instead of enjoying and loving life, I obsess over the little tiny faults. How crazy is that? I’m never going to be perfect, and nor do I want to be. The moment I become "perfect" in my own eyes, means there’s nothing left to improve… I have nothing to take from any other person in the world. I never want that for myself. I want to constantly improve myself.. A little over a year ago, I didn’t know if I was going to live much longer. Now… I’m getting married to my best friend in the entire world.. I know we’re both going to be alive for a very long time, and we’re going to have a family.

 

Who could ask for more?

I love this post. I'm new to this site and have spent hours surfing through everyone's webpage wishing and praying my time would come sooner than later. I've been thinking that once this surgery comes my life will be perfect. It's nice to hear someone inform us PreOppers that all that glitter isnt gold and there's as much to work on internally sometimes as their is externally. Awesome post. You are completely blessed and Congratulations on your wedding!

"All that glitters isn't gold" can definitely apply to life after WLS. My feeling (and the feeling of a lof of other post-ops) is that we still have to struggle daily. Yes it's a different kind of struggle, but it's one you can't avoid. Before WLS I could just eat whatever I wanted and often did, and often it was a way to run away from another problem or to anesthistize the pain from something else. Whene we undergoe WLS that coping option is ripped away for good, and learning to replace that mechanisim with someting else that works for you is much harder than it sounds.

Then of course there is the self-image issues and idnetity crisis that often occurs....Geesh, I know it sounds like you are trading one set of problems for another - and I guess in many ways you are - but ya know the problems we had before and the way we dealt with them were not working for us were they? I know in my case, despite all that, I'm still pleased that my weight is down and so are just about all the co-morbidites that I had before which were slowly killing me. So yeah, we still have issues, but I'd still rather be dealing with these kind of issues then the old.

Thanks for the honest self-evaluation and the blunt reality of "What Is."   Losing weight doesn't magically fix everything, nor does weight loss lead to an automatic road to happiness.  The magic and the happiness come when we change how we care for ourselves and how we feel about ourselves.  It's a surgery, a nutrition program, a lifestyle change, and an emotional lobotomy tcombined that get us to that finish line.

Heather