jealous friends?

Hello eveyone!  I have a friend who is constantly a b*tch when it comes to my weightloss.

For example, when I put new pics up on myspace, her comment was "hey, you skinny a-hole". Classy, right?

Another example of her being nasty is when I told her I was in the 100's now (go me!) she was like "I hate you, FYI". WTF? Can't you just say "Great job!" Why do you have to try & put a negative light on it?! UGH.

Have any of you had people who were your "friend" until you lost weight? What do I do from here? Just stop talking to her? I know she is jealous (she has flat out admitted that) & I don't see her getting over it anytime soon.

Just a little back story -my sister had WLS during the middle of my pregnancy. I know how it feels to go up in weight while someone around is literally melting. Not one time did I ever be a snot to my sister just because she was shrinking. Yah it was hard to see her become half the person she was because I was struggling with my own weight - it was hard - but I wasn't going to try to take that away from her.

Looking back, that "friend" is a perpetual "rain on your parade" kind of chick. So, what do I do? Have any of you gone through this?

hi, i`m sorry to hear that some of your friends are not supportive. but is normal, they may think that you`ll chanche or that she is losing you.

i have a friend too who is like "the popular one" and she is like what ever,  and my other friends told me that she is jelous `cuz i`m preatier than she is. hahahaha. that`s new hhohooh.

don´t worry she eventually will realized that you are happy and she should sopport you.

take care

mariana.

The wold is full of too many "Debbie Downers" If it really bothers you, get it off your chest and tell her. Try the assertive communication model: when you do x, it makes me feel x, please do x differently....that way it''s on her - she may not even realize how much it bothers you...after that, if the problem persists you'll have to decide how much you still value her freindship and if she is worth keeping around.

ehh... I'd tell her to **** off... real friends don't act like that.

Maybe she thinks you want jealousy? It sounds weird but I'm on the other side of the scale until my RNY in October and even I have caught myself occasionaly saying "I hate you, youre so beautiful." It's such a catty way of telling someone they're gorgeous and I'm extremely excited for them but also envious of them. I look at some of the pictures of you LOSERS (and I mean that in the most positive way) on this board and think "They're so gorgeous I want to vomit!" but I mean it in the most positive way HONESTLY.

If she's your true friend I'd tell her that you cant tell if she's happy for you or not. I'd just be honest with her. I'm glad you said this though. I'll be more careful with what I say to you beautiful LOSERS! :)

Tennille

That person is not your friend, cut them loose and move on. You made the decision to have a life changing surgery - so change your life.. all of it :-) dont hold onto toxic people, they will only drag you down.

I had (keyword, HAD) a friend exactly like that.  When I posted new pics on Myspace, her reply was simply "Holy ****".  Nothing nice.  After I came back to work post WLS, she was an entirely different person.  We no longer speak, mostly because she has turned the cold shoulder to me.  One of the wonderful things about WLS is the confidence YOU gain, and that has helped me to finally just let her go and realize I don't need people like that in my life.  I used to be the worlds biggest doormat but not so much anymore.

I know it can hurt to think of just cutting someone loose.  I have lost too too many friends over the past 5 years because I am no longer the quiet doormat they thought I would be.  It hurts, a lot, when people show their true colors.

If this is someone you truly want to continue being friends with, I would sit her down and put it to her straight - "Your comments are hurtful and I have not done anything to deserve this.  If you continue to act like this, I can't be friends with you anymore."  She is most certainly jealous but may not be aware of how hurtful she is being.  Our society, after all, is rather tactless these days.  But if you can take her or leave her, when she dishes out another comment like that I'd simply say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and go about your merry business.

Is the friend overweight?  Are you smaller than her now???  I forgot to ask...

When I had WLS we were the same size - 26. She is probably either a 24 or 26 & I am down to a 12. I think that has A LOT to do with it. That was something we had in common & now it is gone out the window.

Geeze, she certianally didn't make her feelings much of a mystery.  I can't think of a single occasion where "hey, you skinny a-hole" would be an appropriate thing to say...totally out of line.

However....

You mentioned that you know a little how she feels, and that it hurts.  So, not to justify what she said, but I'd bet, and I'm sure you already realize this, that her being a jerk has a heck of a lot more to do with what she feels about herself rather than how she feels about you.  

I have had these people in my life as well (they come with the territory).  99% of the people in my life are 100% supportive and wonderful and encouraging, but for the 1% who aren't I try to give them the benefit of the doubt (that being their snarky comments are not about me, but about them, and then I try to offer the compassion that should come from understanding what it feels like to hate yourself and be reminded of your own flaws because someone you know/love is finally getting herself together...).  But that doesn't mean you should let rude-ness slide, so... 

I wouldn't necessarily just drop the friendship.  A couple of other people mentioned talking to her privately, something on the order of:
 "I know you were probably not trying to be hurtful to me, but when you said ______ it made me feel ______.  Since I knew you probably didn't mean it that way, I wanted you to know that it came across as mean-spirited.  I want us to stay friends, but in order for that to happen I need to know that you can support me and love me even though I am changing.  I hope you understand."

Then depending on how she reacts you'll have your answer.  By phrasing it this way she won't feel attacked, but you still get your point across, so she has the opportunity to respond.  I hope this situation improves for you and your friend.