Losing My Job... Losing My Mind. Please Help (x-post)

I haven't posted in awhile because I am having a pretty hard time.  Last week my boss pulled me into his office to inform me that as of June 30, my position is being eliminated due to "budget cuts."  He is going to assume my title, but hire an hourly worker to take over my job duties.  He said I was certainly welcome to reapply for the "new position"  but that it would, of course, be at a significantly reduced salary. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? Continue to do the same work for less money?  What kind of loser does he think I am??? How can I even begin to describe how awful I am feeling?

heartbroken
betrayed
sick
nauseous
furious
overwhelmed
lost
angry
ashamed
humiliated
lied to
ignored
taken advantage of
pissed off
resentful
depressed
loss of control
grieving
etc etc etc

The effects of his "budget cut" are far reaching!  No more income, no insurance, I have to move, pack up my house, my life, cancel my gym membership, say goodbye to my church and friends... I live in a very small town with no opportunity to find a new job in my field.  We're the only ones here who do what we do.  So I have no choice but to move in with family in another city until I can find something else.  The worst part is that I don't have a choice in ANY of this!  I work 10 hour days, devote myself entirely to this job and have acheived every goal (and more) that my boss set for me.  This summer alone, I've built promotions bringing in over $12,000 in revenue... just in three months!  That doesn't include the numerous partnerships, relationships, promotions, and contracts I've built and negotiated to expand our business.

But somehow, I'm still not valuable enough to keep around.  Somehow, he finds it preferable to take my job title and hire cheap labor to fill in the cracks.

I can't go in to detail of what I do, simply because I have a very public job.  But this is the first time I've ever been layed off.  I know - "it's a budget cut and not my fault".  But I feel so humiliated that I am the only one in the company being let go.  I feel like I'm being fired and for no good reason!  Am I thankful that he at least gave me advanced notice?  Not really because now I have to show up every day, trying to still apply myself, do a stellar job, and care about these projects.  If they don't want me around any more then why the heck should I care???  Still, I work ahead to help prepare my boss for the shift in projects, to make sure it's a smooth transition and to hopefully maintain all that I've worked to build here.  I'm trying to accept being layed off with integrity.

But darn it I need some help here.  My eating habits are blown to bits.  I either mindlessly eat in front of the TV or forget meals all together.  Exercising?  Forget it.  I hide in bed.  Vitamins?  I try to remember, but can't seem to get them all in any more.  My heart and my spirit are slowly shutting down in self-preservation mode.  At the end of the day, all I have the strength to do is either sleep or zone out in front of the TV.

This is NOT good.  I don't want to return to old habits and that dark dark depression that clouded my pre-op life.  But with my world flipped upside down, old survival habits are coming back with a vengenace.  I need some serious help.

Heather

Hey Heather, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time... Just remember there is a reason for everything...you will find bigger and better things and an employer that respects and admires the amazing hard work you do!!!  Try to stay positive, although i know that's hard to do when things are seeming so horrible.  I know it's really hard to exercise when you're feeling so depressed (I've been through that) but the exercise will make you feel better!  Even if it's just getting outside and walking in the sunshine for a little bit.   I'm not sure what else to say, other than my thoughts are with you and things will get better!!!!   Kim

Thank you, Kim.  I appreciate your kind words and encouragement.  Just coming here to vent helps a lot and gives me the tough love I need to keep my new RNY life in check. Heather

Oh Heather I am SO sorry to hear this.  Maybe this will make you feel a *teeny* bit better... I am losing my job as of 6/30 also, and also due to "budget cuts".  You see, I work for a credit card company and our department in Jax is being closed to "save money".  Of course, our work has been sent to other sites across the country (who had to HIRE people to do the work, so how is that saving money?) and of course, to India. As part of my job, I have been essentially training India to do our work, and quality check them.  We found out in October.  On the one hand, it was nice to know what was coming but on the other, it was 9 months to feel crappy about the situation.  In my position, I have seen a, uh, lack of progress, shall we say, by the people taking our jobs.  It is incredibly frustrating and I can relate to the depression, and the poor eating habits. I've been job hunting for about a month now and am having limited success.  I think I may have a prospect soon, which is helping me try and take better care of myself.  I just don't have enough room in my head to worry about food right now and that is affecting me physically. I could, like you, stay with the same company but take an entry-level position with a bunch of kids straight out of high school.  No, thanks, I have worked too hard and done too much for them.  It sounds like you can relate. I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through this also.  (hugs)  Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

hey, heather is right! there is a reason for everything. and truly, i would feel exactly how you do....but there really is nothing for it...just take a deep breath..or two or three..and move on! you've got to be a little harsh with yourself, and TAKE YOUR VITS!!! you will be okay. i know it! i'm sorry though...*HUGS!!*  remember why you had your surgery..this is a pretty big blow, but you were strong enough to go through this whole process of WLS...be as strong as you can be, and things will turn out fine!!! : )

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11

I know it sucks... trust me... we've just bee through the same thingi (with no notice!). good things can come from change. if you truely believe what you have written above than you know that this too is in his plan. and the last thing i would ever want to do is be outside of his plan. it doesn't make it hurt less.... and you have every right to feel the way that you do, but He alone knows what's coming next, and he alone knows what wonderful things he has in store for you. do not let this momentary setback ruin the health that you have worked so hard for!

just take it one day, one hour, one minute, even one second if that's all you can manage. focus on keeping yourself helathy. that includes keeping the stress in check.

this too shall pass.

~Victoria