20 days and couting till surgery.. I'm offically FREAKING THE F*** OUT!!!!

So my surgery is the 12th but I fly out to Michigan on the 10th after wor****ep trying to keep myself busy after work so I don't think about it. Not coming on this site has really helped but there is only so long that I can avoid it. I can't see to stop myself from eating lately so I am not doing very well with losing weight before surgery at all. I'm so worried I'm not ready for the lifestyle change. My mind is made up and all that good stuff as far as having surgery and I am convinced I can do  the food after wards but there is still doubt, what if I mess up, what if I have complications. What if I just stay fat! what if I look ugly skinny? Yeah yeah its all for being more healthy but come on the looks have a major part to do with it for most of us. So here is my question, what now? how do I stop myself from freaking out and stressing out? how do make it so I don't drive the people around me nuts the entire time too while I am at it? what the hell can I eat after surgery I know I will be eating mushy food and all that for a while (I am getting the RNY) but any of you feel weird before the surgery that you will be eating baby food or what ever while the people around you are eating normal food?

Lots of questions here, so I will do my best.. I think first of all my best piece of advice would be to start by finding a local support group you can attend and if you can't start going before, at least start going after your surgery. Most support groups are open to patients from any program, but if you have trouble try the FL local board on OH to find a group in your area. Most good WLS programs take a multi-disciplinary approach to care helping you with not just the surgery itself but giving you ONGOING support and instruction from a nutritionist and psychologist. The lifestyle changes nutritional and psychologically speaking are even harder then the physical recovery from the surgery. Since you are having surgery out of state it will be harder to access those services from your surgeon's office, hence the need for a local support group. I started my journey living in NC and then moved more then three hours away to SC before I had my surgery, so I was somewhat limited - but I found a local group and that was a big help. Now I live across the US, so I have no access at all to Duke other then over the phone, so I have been lucky enough to hook up with a few support groups and supplement that with OH, I also found a local surgeon to pick up my follow-up care. The next thing is to think about pre-op dieting to shrink your liver and prepare you for a safe surgery. If your surgeon hasn't given you guidelines yet, ask, and if they can't help you I will forward you what I have on the topic...It will also help prepare you psychologically for what the diet is like after surgery. Everybody has the pre-op jitters and doubts - that is completely normal so try not to beat yourself up over it too much, even the "last-supper syndrome" is normal, get it out of your system before you start your pre-op diet and get ready to start the path towards health! Freaking out? I don't know everyone is different, for me the more I focused on what was coming up the better I felt. i started exercising early, it was hard because my back was so messed up, but I found that swimming laps was easy on my back and it made me feel good - the endorphins made me feel physically good and emotionally good too....I did as much research as i could so I could feel confident about my decision, I even watched an entire rny procedure from the operating room on youtube so I knew what they would be doing in there! After surgery, it takes a while to get comfortable with people looking at what you are eating, but I mean you can't let that define who you are, the same goes with the weight loss and people's perception of you. You are you, not girl who eats less or girl who lost weight. You're just you, and one day you down the road you'll be like "wow, me is somebody who's pretty healthy now and able to enjoy life to its fullest! I guess that's the bottom line.