I'm SO white!
#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
January 20, 2008 by clander
As mentioned earlier, white people love to be outside. But not everyone knows that another thing they like to do is make people feel bad for wanting to watch sports on TV or play videogames. While it would be easy to get angry at white people for this, remember it is hard wired in their head that the greatest thing a person can do in their free time is to hike/walk/bike outdoors.
Usually, they will see that you are preparing to enjoy your life and they will say “hey, lets go for a hike in the park,” and most people will say “hey, thanks but I’ve been working all week and I’m really excited abou****ching this game,” and then they will respond “don’t be a lump on the couch, you’re wasting your life away, etc…” If you ignore them, they will eventually go away.
And much like most things with white people - they win both ways. If you decide to go with them, they feel good about getting someone off the couch and “into the fresh air,” and if you don’t decide to go, they can spend their entire time outdoors saying “boy, this is great, X doesn’t know what he/she is missing!” and running on a mix of self-satisfaction, Odwalla juice and muesli.
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#75 Threatening to Move to Canada
Often times, white people get frustrated with the state of their country. They do not like the President, or Congress, or the health care system, or the illegal status of Marijuana. Whenever they are presented with a situation that seems unreasonable to them, their first instinct is to threaten to move to Canada.For example, if you are watching TV with white people and there is a piece on the news about that they do not agree with, they are likely to declare “ok, that’s it, I’m moving to Canada.”
Though they will never actually move to Canada, the act of declaring that they are willing to undertake the journey is very symbolic in white culture. It shows that their dedication to their lifestyle and beliefs are so strong, that they would consider packing up their entire lives and moving to a country that is only slightly different to the one they live in now.
Within white culture, it is agreed upon that if Canada had better weather it would be a perfect place.
Being aware that this information can be used quite easily to gain the trust of white people. Whenever they say, “I’m moving to Canada,” you must immediately respond with “I have relatives in Canada.”
They will then expect you to tell them about how Canada has a perfect healthcare system, legalized everything, and no crime. Though not true, it will reassure them that they are making the right choice by saying they want to move there.
But be warned, they will reference you in future conversations and possibly call on you to settle disputes about Canadian tax rates. So use this advice only if you plan to do some basic research.
Note: Canadian white people threaten to move to Europe.
Note: Europeans are unable to threaten to move anywhere --------------------------------------- That made me laugh till i thought i was going to fall out of my chair, in michigan we threaten to move to canada on a daily basis haha
MC 09/2009
MC 11/2009
D&C, polyp removal, and division of partial septum 4/20/2010
I know TOOOO many people like that!!! They're the same ones who drive sporty SUVs, look tan even in the midst of a Michigan January Snowstorm, and crinkle their noses at the mere idea of *GASP! using 2% milk instead of soy in their organic, non-fat, fair-trade decaf latte sprinkled with Chilean Cinnamon.
BARF!
Heather I don't hardly recognize myself or my life anymore!
Iguess with the snowy roads in Mihchigan you need an SUV, because out here white people like the Toyota Prius:
#60 Toyota Prius
February 7, 2008 by clander
Over the years, white people have gone through a number of official cars. In the 1980s it was the Saab and the Volvo. By the 1990s it was the Volkswagen Jetta or a Subaru 4WD stastion wagon. But these days, there is only one car for white people. One car that defines all that they love: the Toyota Prius.
The Prius might be the most perfect white product ever. It’s expensive, gives the idea that you are helping the environment, and requires no commitment/changes other than money.
The Toyota Prius gets 45 miles per gallon. That’s right, you can drive 45 miles and burn only one gallon of gasoline. So somehow, through marketing or perception, the Prius lets people think that driving their car is GOOD for the environment.
It’s a pretty sweet deal for white people. You can buy a car, continue to drive to work and Barak Obama rallies and feel like you are helping the environment!
Some white people decide to pull the ultimate move. Prius, Apple Sticker on the back, iPod rocking, and Democratic Candidate bumper sticker. Unstoppable!
There are a few ways you can use this to your advantage. If you are carpooling to an event or party you can always say “can we take your Prius? my car doesn’t get good mileage and I feel guilty driving it.” And bam! Free ride! 
Also, if you see a white person in a Prius you can say “wow, that’s great to see that you’re doing something for the earth.” The white person will feel very good about themselves and offer to drive you home, to Ikea, or drop you off at 80s night.
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I'll see you one wink and raise you a few dozen 'fros. 
while I sip my fairtrade coffee in a metal mug so as to reduce my negative impact on the environment and eat my strabwrries and organic chocolate that I bought at the farmer's market. Amy 293/140 - AT GOAL! 
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