I'm Back!

Hey guys, I'm back. I found a job yeay! and now I am probably going to take that job and shove it...  After I lost my job I had to cancel my surgery. I was out of work for three weeks and I ended up using the majority of my savings that was supposed to go towards paying for surgery. So I finally got a job and in the mean time I ended up gaining what little wait I lost trying to get ready for surgery. Not jsut that but I even gained a little more. Needless to say I am completely miserable! I talked all of this over with my mom about two days ago and what really happened is that I was sad because I was spending anogher friday at home not going out doing anything. I could go out to a club but I feel like such **** about my body I don't want anyone to see me, especially if they might know me from High School. So I was driving home in tears and I called my mom and she siad that I need to get to the route of my problem of why I can't make friends and why I don't want to go out. It basically came down to me being fat.  Me being fat is pretty much the main thing making me miserable, and has made me miserable most of my life. So my mom said I need to take a giant leap. So what am I going to do? I am going to tell my job that I need to go in for surgery (not telling them what kind of surgery it is). The bad thing is with that is that I am with a temp agency and they can very easily replace me and they have no sick leave or anything like that. I am hoping I can just tell them i am going to be out of work for the next two weeks and I really want to come to the job becuae I like it there (which I do).  In the mean time of all this happening. My mom is paying for the majority of it for one thing and I am having it out of state (the rny) so if something goes wrong after wards a lovely and expensive trip to the emergancy room will be on the list of bills.  I made the appointment for the surgery again and I will be havingt he surgery May 22nd, very soon and very scary! I am possibly giving up my job going to the pore house and its all for me being skinny and healthy. I've never done anything this impulsive.  My best friend Angie is coming with me and taking care of me while in Michigan. I hope everything goes alright.

Welcome back Rita!  You have to do what's best for you- physically and emotionally.  Your mom and best friend seem like uber supportive people! Good luck, girl friend!

O.K....I don't usually do this, but here goes...I'm kind of concerned. I really don't know you well enough to make any real judgement or anything, so please understand that is what I'm trying to do. That would be ignorant, naive, and very "main-boardish." This is just more general advice, if it applies to you, great, and even then, you can take it or leave it, if it doesn't then maybe it will for somebody else *****ads it, and the effort will be worth it...So here goes... I think that for a lot of people with their obesity comes depression and or anxiety. I know it did for me. I also can see how many people look forward to the day when their obesity will be cured. That "everything will be fiine once I get rid of this weight." To be sure, things do get better, energy, health, and physical pain all improve. But here's the thing. For many of us there are other things too that contribute to our unhappiness. And what virtually all of us discover the hard way after surgery is that often these problems may not improve but actually become more difficult to deal with after surgery. Let me explain... Before surgery food was my best friend. It was always there for me. Keeping me company when I was alone or bored. Anesthisizing whatever pain I had when I was down on myself for whatever reason. Or just to enjoy in a hedonistic kind of way. The problem comes in the fact that after surgery, whether you want to or not, you are forced to drastically alter that thouroughly engrained relationship with food. You may try to have the same relationship, but if you do there are only two possible outcomes - both negative - you will feel physically ill, or you will learn to "eat around the surgery." So the only real choice will be to confront whatever it is you need to confront that has been making you unhappy and deal with it. And it won't be easy. You will need to identify it, work on it - seek counseling, get support on OH or support groups or both, etc...A common thing I have heard in support groups is "they operated on my stomach, but not my brain" and I'm telling you that is so true. The biggest challenge is reconcilling the whole thing with your mind and behavior.  My whole point is that I want you, and other pre-ops to realize this beforehand if you haven't already. For two reason: First because having realistic expectations will help prevent you from a letdown later on. And second, and more importantly, if you have a better idea of what you will be up against in the near future, you will be able to better prepare to step up and deal with the challenges that will present themselves.  I hope this makes sense, it will probably make more sense a few months from now when you are post-op. How does everybody else feel about this? Did you have or are you having similar experiences? What has and hasn't worked for you in coping with these kinds of challenges?

I unfortunately agree with Michael. You might think that weight is the only problem you have, but it's not.  It can be hiding a lot of other little things that are stopping you from living the life you want. I'm not telling you to not have surgery.  I just think you should be prepared for things to not be as good after surgery as you think they will be, and to be prepared to get outside help afterwards if and when you need it. I'm telling you this as someone who hasn't seen any improvement in her depression since surgery 7 months ago.  I'm happier with my body and my health, but my life is still just as it was before.  I am just as unfulfilled and just as unmotivated.  Once you lose weight, life's problems are still going to be right there waiting for you.

I appreciate all the advice and after about 3 years of research and a 4 year degree in psychology I know that not all my problems are going to be solved if I lose the weight. I am not currently suffering from depression but I do get down quite a bit about my weight. For me my weight is the main thing holding me back from life, which I think the majority of the board would probably agree with. Of course I have other problems. But I am well prepared for this surgery. Yes there are still plenty of things on my mind and I appreciate the concern but I do know what I am getting myself into.

I definitely see Michael's point but let me just tell you that when I lost weight the first time around by diet and exercise, everything about me changed for the better. For one thing I could buy clothes just about anywhere and for anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE fashion. I was extremely happier when I was thinner and healthier but then the weight crept back up on me and so did that loneliness and depressed feeling. So for me I know that the only thing that is holding me back is my weight, but I think everyone should look into therapy regardless.