Dating

I don't really know the purpose of this post, but I'm making it anyways. So, I'm 5 months out of WLS, I thought it might be fun to date a little.  Not looking for the love of my life or anything, I just thought it might be fun to go and do things with the opposite sex.  As a girl who's never had a boyfriend, I'm not really that comfortable around guys but I figured that's not something that's automatically going to just get better on its own without practice. But...how do you actually MEET people?  Does it just take a lot of time?  I have the lucky advantage of still being in college, so I get to meet a lot of people in my classes, but things just aren't clicking.  I have met a couple of friendly guys, but they are either gay, already involved, or we're just not each others' type. Sooo...I got a wild hair and decided to join a dating site.  Not exactly sure why, but I did.  At least you know that everyone there is at least looking for the same thing you are.  Everyone is so damn weird and creepy!  Guys as old as my dad hitting on me?  Gross.  So, I'm starting to feel like the only people who are capable of finding me attractive are either creepy or old!  Does anyone share in my frustrations?  I think I'd rather go back to trying to meet people in class, but that's frustrating too.  I feel like throwing in the towel already and just going to buy a bunch of cats.  LOL

You could be my twin! I know exactly how you are feeling. THe only guy i've ever dated told me he was gay a year after we broke up, so I know how to pick em.  But I've been thinking about dating sites, too my friends go on them all the time and she does good with them.  She uses one called Okcupid.com and she really likes it.  I havent had the guts to join on yet bc I dont know if i am ready yet, but like you meeting guys at college hasnt worked out so its either dating sites or.... dating sites.

I feel the same way... I have had a few bf before my bypass, and now my love life is dead! People talk to me more, check me out more ect... but its like i cant even go "there" cuz when i was heavier and someone asked me out/liked me i knew it was cuz they really liked me inside and out.  I feel like now people just want to get in my pants, so i dont even want to go there! I thought of joining a dating site before... but i was to scared too and like you said wicked old people (EWWW)                                               

Now, I AM married BUT...I know exactly what you're talking about.  I dated one guy in high school (who was gay, come to find out) and no one else after that nor in college.  I joined match.com and got all kinds of weird guys (pretty much all of them looking for sex which was NOT what I was looking for...I just wanted to date).  Well, I met a few losers (okay, I lot of losers), felt terrible about myself because I couldn't "attract" a guy etc etc.  I met my husband thru a mutual friend at a Halloween party.  Something just clicked.  It was completely random and unplanned. (He is, incidentally, the 2nd guy I've ever dated, and my longest relationship at just under 5 years.  Sometimes I wish I'd had a chance to date more and see what else was out there but *shrug*  I can't complain) I know not everyone is going to have the same experience, I just wanted to empathize.  Just be careful if you do meet someone you met online.  If they protest about going on a group date or if you bring a friend, it's a huge red flag.  Please trust me on that one, I learned the hard way.  A lot (not all, but a lot) of those guys are on there to prey on the girls they feel are "desperate" so they will say anything and everything to make you feel wonderful.  I feel like an after-school special lol. Anyway, you could try joining groups you're interested in on campus to meet like-minded people, or if you're involved with a church, see if they have any functions going on.  Do any of your friends have brothers or cousins they think would be great for you?  Let them set you up on a blind date.  If nothing else, you might gain a new friend.  Good luck!

i think the best way to meet guys, are usually a friend of a friends friend..does that make sence lol. you have let your girl friends and guy friends know you are looking into having a good time, i bet one of your friends know someone who is looking for that too. i fortunately dont have to worry about dating because i am married, but i met him because he was my brothers friend lol.

You are preaching to the choir girl! I have had the same "experience" and my brother is now trying to set me up with his best friend...He is really looking out for me and told me he feels responsible and that guys are jerks and he doesn't want to see me get hurt...so i will keep ya'll updated on the "progress" of this...LOL I have been around the guy several times and he seems really nice just didn't think he was my type...but maybe my "type" really isnt the best for me ya know? Anyways...good luck!

I actually met my current boyfriend on a dating site called okcupid.com. Its a fun little site and I actually found HIM. It seems to work out well that way. I have also been on yahoo and some other sites but my best suggestion would be to just stick it out and ignore the old guys.  Also maybe try joining a group of soemthing you are interested in at college.

I met my husband at my best friend's wedding...and I had no intesrest in him at all. But he was persistant! You've gotta get yourself out there...because interesting people are attracted to interesting people. I'm not saying you're not intersting! It just opens new doors, new ways to connect with people, parts of your daily life to share with the people online or where ever... Could you get a part time job that opens opportunities to be around more guys? Is there a dog park nearby? You could start doing some volunteer work like baking cookies and taking them down to the firemen...while you just happen to be lookin oh so cute... I would say go to chatrooms that aren't "dating" ones, maybe places guys go to chat about guy stuff. I don't know...internet dating can be really fun or really creepy.

Ahh! I just wrote a blog about this same exact thing. It is so annoying! I seem to only get hit on by really old guys too. Plus in my case it just hurts that people are always on me for being sinlge. I am shy, and rarely get anywhere to even meet men. But I've tried dating sites and nothing worth writing home about has came up yet. I am still holding out hope though.  My blog: Lately people have seriously been on my case for being single. My co-workers, family members, some friends, and even my Kindergarteners! I had a kid say, "aren't teachers supposed to be married?"  Grrrr

 

It isn't like I haven't had opportunities to date. I am just very picky. I guess I am a romantic at heart, because I want the butterflies in my stomach, I want the instant attraction and love connection. I know sometimes those things come with time (I have seen the movie LOVE COMES SOFTLY and rather enjoyed it J ) but I am just not to the point where I am ready to give up on the hope of finding my prince  charming with love at first sight. I am not interested in dating someone just to date and be able to say I am with someone. It's not me.

 

I just wish I could get people off of my back for being single. Geesh! I am reading a new book that has an interesting theory about being single. It says that when people harp on you for being single, it is because they think you are SO amazing, and they don't understand why you are not in a relationship. I like that theory. J

 

(REDEFINING LIFE – MY PURPOSE)

 

                When you have a boyfriend or a husband, strangers know that someone loves you. You don't have to prove to anyone that you are lovable because it's evident when you arrive at parties as part of a pair. Everyone knows. The movie ticket seller knows. The waiter knows. Your coworkers know. Someone loves you. You have been accepted. And if you don't have some visible badge of acceptance, people simply ask, trying to figure out if you are okay. How's your love life? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you dating anyone? If you say no, people either feel sorry for you, or look you up and down wondering what you should fix. And it doesn't end if you are actually dating someone. Then there's When are you getting engaged? When's the wedding? When do you thing he'll ask? I don't know about you, but these statements can tend to sound like, Does anyone love you? Are you worth anything?

 

Not sure what dating site you signed up for... but it could be worth the money for signing up for the more 'selective' sites where the old mens wont be messaging you. My friend signed up on match.com and has been having good success with it - since signing up 3 months ago she has met 2 guys and hit it off with both and has been dating. She said you had to go thru a pretty big process before being allowed to exchange personal emails or meet - it sounded much better than aol dating or yahoo where the people troll around, see a hot picture and then message you to meet.  I would suggest seeing if there is speed-dating in your area. Even if you dont meet anybody you truly like you can get your feet wet and get over the nervousness of having to converse with people you dont know. Also check into activity groups in your area - some are for singles, some arnt but they are great for networks... meetup.com (I think) meetin.org (I belong to this) are good - check craigslist.com and see if there are any listings - they typically have good activities so its a good way to meet people, have fun and the focus isnt hooking up.  Its not hard to meet people, its hard to meet quality people. You just have to put yourself out there - go try new things... adult pottery night (where you can paint the pottery AND bring your own wine) open mic night, poetry night, art gallery crawls... just get out there and check out some new things, never know who you will meet - or who that person knows that you mite click with!