So frustrated with my dad!

Ok so now I love my dad he gives me so much and has always supported my BUT when it comes to my diets and now my new life style change i dont really know what he doest get. Ok so let me tell this story it may end up being long and you rock if you read this whole thing and its wicked long and sorry if it ends up being long. Ok so I never knew anything about WLS ive heard about it when famous people did it and talked a little about it because a aunt of mine was thinking of doing it, but i never really thought of it as something i would do at age 20 i thought it was an adult thing people did. So i did LA Weight Loss for about a year and due to family issues I stop loosing weight and turned back to eating. So after about a year my dad told me he started doing research on lapband and that he thought I should do it as a tool on helping me loose weight.  So i thought about it and he even said that if my insurance wouldn't pay he had the money that he would put up for me to do it.  which it was really sweet.  and at the same time i was a little mad that he wanted me to do a surgery it was something that i had never thought of or brought up so I dont know really how to express the feeling that he was asking me to do this, but that i was a complete fat failure and that I couldn't do it on my own.  Which now i realize that I couldn't do it on my own, bc once lift got too hard and complicated I would turn to my best friend and just eat and eat and eat.  So now cut to 7 months after we had our first talk I am 3 weeks post opp from surgery, and my NUT has me on a specific diet.  Which now is mostly all pureed meats ff cheeses, kidney beans, refried beans and maybe mashed potatoes if i meat all my other meal goals.  So tonight is the Superbowl and i know it is probably the biggest night to pig out on all things bad and the complete opposite of what drs want us to eat.  haha, so I get home from work and my parents are making all there little snacks, and one thing that they are making is home made pizza, which is what ive been craving like crazy since my surgery.   So im three weeks out and my dads like " you can have pizza right? and me and my moms like NO!.  and he's like c'mon this is the surgery where your not suppose to restrict what you eat and be able to eat what you want.  you can cheat a little. And i had to really yell at him and be like no, like I am only three weeks out I cant cheat.  Im like if i was 3 months out I could have a small piece but three weeks out and already cheating like thats totally setting me up for failure and proves that i cant control what i put into my mouth. So i made my meal and went away from the yummy bad food.  Like I dont know how to get it through his head. Ah ok now i feel better, again sorry that it was so long.

Wow that's really odd how he was so supportive to pay for the surgery and now he asks you to "cheat". Can I ask something?  After your dad offered, did you research any other WLS options or did you just go with LapBand because that's what he suggested?  Not judging one way or the other, it's just curious that he would say your surgery is one that would allow you to eat whatever you wanted.  Almost like he chose to have you pursue it simply because it was a less-restrictive surgery. Anyway, I'm glad your mom was there for you too and that's wonderful that you resisted the pizza.  You're well on the path to making your "tool" work for you!  Hopefully your dad will come around soon.

I did research the RNY surgery bc that is what my dr offered and spoke to my dr about it compared to lapband.  When he says i can eat what i want it just refers to that I wont have dumping like the RNY surgery.  In a way he did want me to get this one because it is less restricitive because he didnt want me to be deprived of anything.  I think most parents dont want thier kids to be deprived of stuff.  And i talked about it alot wiht my parents and we both did not like the idea of having the stomach cut. (I am not being anti against any of the other surgeries, but in my opinion i did not like that idea).

Thanks for the feed back Jennifer! Im glad someones around to hear my vent!

No, that's totally cool, I get that!

Sometimes you have to live it to fully understand it. Good for you for sticking to your guns though!

Ok, so for your Dad to approach you and suggest WLS was probably a HUGE step for him. I'll bet that he thought about it long before actually doing it. He LOVES you!!! He wanted to make sure that you outlive him and are able to raise his future grandbabies until they are grown. He doesn't want to see you eat yourself to an early death.  Now, that's said, my guess would be that your family has always been able to "connect" over food. Everyone always has time to enjoy good food, right? Your Dad doesn't know how to share emotions with you in a colloquial manner unless you are sharing food. Hence... the pizza.  I don't think he was actually trying to sabotage you, just connect with you. Offer your Dad (and other family members) chances to have fun and communicate with in ways that don't involve food. Play mini-golf, go shopping, go to the movies (and don't order a bunch of junk food!), play cards or Trivial Pursuit... I don't know. Find what works for you and your family... Lord knows I need to work on this same issue.  Lots of love, Leigh

They don't get it.  If they haven't had surgery they might never get it.  My mom, who is very supportive of me, always tries to feed me because that is how she shows love - and my grandma, who thinks WLS was the worst thing anyone could choose to do to themselves - also tries to feed me and I think on some level it makes her feel better about herself when I eat the wrong stuff (she bought me like 5 pounds of M&M's for Christmas...yeah).  But anyway... I'd bet your dad doesn't want you to fail, or else he never would have suggested the band to begin with, he just wanted to show love.  He probably just doesn't understand just yet.  Give him time and try to be patient for now (and stay strong - you did awesome to resist home made pizza!  Good for you! ).  I hope he comes around soon!