Is obesity gross???

Ok, I am putting this out here after reading KendraLynn's post about coworkers making disparaging remarks about obese people. Is it just me or do others feel the same way?  I form judgements against obese people before actually knowing them. I feel guilty about the way I feel because I know its not right or fair... but I do.  I think to myself, my gosh, why can't he/she just eat less. What is that person thinking wearing that? Why are they swimming, they are too fat!!! Again, I know that I am probably insane for feeling this way since I am MORBIDLY OBESE myself, but WHY do I think these horrible things? Is it because I hate myself and am deflecting that hatred on others?  There is something that has haunted me for over a year. I was interviewing several candidates that had responded to an online job posting for an assistant to me. There was one young woman who was extremely obese. The moment I saw her, I knew that I wouldn't select her for the position. My boss later asked me why I even completed the interview. (I know, that is f*cked up that he would ask me about that aloud, although he is also the type of boss to tell the cute female employees that he doesn't pay them to dress in baggy sweatshirts and they need to show off their figures.) In my defense, the interviewee in question was not qualified enough for the position, but unfortunatley I don't think it would have mattered.  I know for a fact that I have been discriminated against in my current job. I know that last year, when I was offered a raise, had I been thin and hot, I would have been offered more money. How can I turn around and do the same thing to someone else? I know that I risk a lot of harsh comments on this, and I welcome private messages from those who are not comfortable sharing this awful truth on the board.  It is terrible that I think these things. Why do I think this way? Does society make me feel this way? How do I overcome this? I don't know. I'm fairly certain that I will end up regretting this post.

Leigh,  I personally think you're quite brave to throw this out there.  I want to tell you I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from and I too feel hypocritical.  Here's the thing.  I did say on Kendra's post that I would never say something disparaging because I know how hurtful it is to here that. That being said, I fully admit I do think "ugly thoughts" sometimes.  I have often struggled with the thought of "when does "curvatious" turn into "fat"?  Mo'Nique has made no secret that she thinks she is fabulous no matter how big she is.  But are you still fabulous when you put your health at risk?  I'm sorry, but there IS a point when one is no longer just curvy. I also have looked at someone and wondered why they "can't just eat less."  For example, an acquaintnce of mine will eat three "Baconators" in a day.  Those are 55 grams of fat EACH.  I just don't understand but recognize some things are not FOR me to understand.  I would never tell this person I thought she was wrong, or "gross" or anything like that.  Maybe she just never feels full.  I do know that she wants to help herself because she has started a WLS journey twice.  Unfortunately, she has also quit twice. I have also looked at someone and said "god I hope I never look like that."  It might just be me, but I think that's a healthy thought to have.  It shows that we recognize that we have a problem.  Yes, those of us who are morbidly obese DO have some kind of problem going on, somewhere in our lives.  I also feel that finding obesity "gross" is what prompted several of us to have WLS.  We are tired of trying and failing to NOT be "gross." So  yes, I feel a little guilty but I do think it's a normal feeling to have.

Thank you Jennifer. I also do not say the sometimes "mean" things I think aloud. I believe that you are very right about what prompted us to decide upon WLS. If we think those things about others sometimes, we must think them about ourselves at one point or another... even if we suffer from body dymorphia and don't see ourselves as we really are. (Ummm... if you called role... I would be among the first to raise hand. I don't see myself the same way in a mirror as in a picture, whether is be thinner or fatter.)  Thank you for being *brave* enough to respond. 

No problem!  I totally would be on the dysmorphia roll call.  I never see myself as big as I truly am in pics.  It always shocks me when I see candid pics that I didn't know anyone took.  Then I get sad and depressed lol, but not for long!

I too feel the same way. I know I am hypocritical and look at others and think "Why don't you lose some weight" or "I'm glad I don't look like that" too. No matter what anyone says.. Obesity is Gross. I don't think that it's just psychological either I think that's part of it is evolution. People have this innate need to be around healthy people because somewhere deep inside we feel that the unhealthy people will infect us. When we hear about all the bad health that comes with obesity we want to pu**** away from us, we want to be as far away from it as possible and we don't want other people to associate us with that. I don't want to be associated with obesity or disease or any other such thing. Even rats can sense when another rat is diseased and immediately get away from them. We are no different. I do think mean things and like Jen said I too think it's healthy and normal to feel such things. Also I feel that chubby chasers or bbw admirers have something screwed up inside them to be turned on by fat, which makes me tuned off to the idea of having an actual relationship with one. I want to date someone that is normal and is turned on by normal things not this disease that I have... honestly...that is just plain wierd to be turned on by fat.....but they do come in handy when you need to take care of certain.....needs...lol

Wow. I never thought I would post this but... ok I'm going to.  My bf, aka my hubby (we have one child together and two of his that live with us full time), well... I didn't find out he was a "chubby chaser" until later on in our relationship when I started gaining weight. I was a normal weight when we started dating, hell I was still a normal weight when we starting living together. Over the past few years as I have packed on the pounds, I wonder what is wrong with him because he is still attracted to me. Why does he have "chunky" *****n the computer? WTF? Why would he find fat chicks attractive? Is there something wrong with him? Why does he still want me in a physical way? Has he just adapted to how I am now? I am really disgusted by the fact that he still wants to be intimate with me, much less videos that depict women who are obese. I hate myself for looking this way and it has definitely affected our relationship in the bedroom. I just don't understand it and I am angry with him for NOT being angry with me for getting so fat.  **Edited for obvious typos that I missed when posting**

That is interesting that you say that.  I know lots of people who've said their relationship went south because the other was convinced they were now "so hot they were going to leave" them.  I feel there is probably also a good percentage of spouses who PREFERRED the obese look to the thin look.  You just don't hear about them because it's not something people go out an admit. "Hey Bill, why'd you leave your wife?" "Well, you know, she just got too thin for me, I prefer 'em chubby." I just don't see that being tossed around the water cooler.  More like: "Hey Bill, why'd you leave your wife?" "Are you kidding Jim?  That skinny b--ch left me!  She thinks she just too good for me now that she's thin"

Hmm...I can't say I really even noticed people that were my acquaintances were obese until I really started trying to lose weight myself.  Pre-op, I honestly felt like I was the only obese person in the whole world. The only way I can say I relate to you is with a particular friend of mine.  She only has a bmi of about 35, but she is trying to diet right now and is very open with the fact that she wants to lose 70 lbs and "can't wait until she's skinny."  But then, we'll go to a movie and she'll get buttery popcorn, a box of chocolate covered raisins, and a large icee and I'm sort of puzzled and inside I'm just thinking "Don't eat that stuff, your diet will be ruined!!!"  I just desperately want her to stick to her diet and wondering to myself why she doesn't have enough willpower.  But then I remember that I sucked at dieting pre-op too.  I was pretty good for a little while, didn't see enough results or just got plain HUNGRY and the diet was wasted.  She's fighting a losing battle. Anyways, I feel bad for my friend, and I already am 90% positive that when I see her again this Summer or next Winter that she will be the same size.  It makes me feel even worse that I told her I was on a diet, not that I had WLS.  So, I already know that I'm going to be successful and she isn't and I'm afraid that she'll get hurt or jealous and that breaks my heart. Anyhow, I do not think it's okay to be thinking these things, and I think it was brave of you to post this.  At least you recognize that you are being judgmental and I think if you work on it you can alter your thought process and try to remind yourself of, well...yourself.  You're in their shoes, so you should be able to at least try to relate to them and feel compassion.  It could take time though.  I wouldn't worry about your snap judgments as much as I would worry about how you treat people as a result of those judgments. And your boss's comments about cute employees wearing tighter clothes are inappropriate and could be considered sexual harassment, even if he's just "joking."

You are probably right for thinking that she will feel like you aren't a "true" friend because you have been sucessful on your "diet" and she has not. She probably doesn't wany advice from you on how to lose weight. It is a sick cycle of self repression that many of us are stuck in. We keep ourselves down because we don't really know how to function in a normal way otherwise. If it isn't food it is some other obession. We need some way to identify ourselves to others. Your friend just hasn't been able to let go of the food yet.  As far as my boss goes, if only a lawsiut was easy. I mean, really, I could have him saying on tape to our receptionist that she isn't showing her cute ass in tight jeans like he pays her to do, and I would feel ashamed to go forward with it. I know. For real, if those girls ever wanted to, they would and could have it made. I've certainly let them know that fact. Thank you for you post and lots of love,  Leigh 

I agree I don't think it's very ok to think these things. To a certain degree we can't control what we think but we can control how we act. Your boss might find his employees attractive but there's no reason for him to act on that in any way. Similarly IF that girl had been the most qualified and you didn't hire her it would have been discrimination, probably not illegal but possibly if you lived in one of the cities where it is illegal. I can't remember if I felt grossed out by fat people at a certain point, I probably did. But I haven't in a long time, maybe because I've been obese since I was a kid and my mom was obese as well. I'm not personally attracted to obese and overweight (for the most part) men, I don't feel hypocritical about that it's just my taste. I don't like very muscular men either. I don't think it is crazy for some men to like big women (or visa versa), unless it's a fetish (when the fat aspect is the only aspect that matters to them) then it's as weird as any other fetish. But I also don't get upset at men who don't find big women sexy. When I have friends who are dieting I usually just feel kinda scared that they aren't going to be in the 2 or 5 or whatever percent of people that dieting works for long term and that what they are pinning so many hopes to is just going to fall through. You're brave for posting this and I think you are certainly not alone in the way you feel.