Who am I now?

I originally posted this to the main message board, but it got overlooked. Maybe people my age will understand more?

Has anyone found themselves going through an identity crisis since they've lost weight? I'm now at a size where I can be whoever I want, but I don't know who that is. I love the more "emo" (for lack of a better word) side of me with the peircings and wild hair colors, weird clothes, and all that. My face isn't so round that I can get away with piercings and funky hair colors and cuts that didn't look right when I was heavy, and the clothes look much better on a slimmer frame.

But the girls I work with are "pretty" and for once I have a chance to be part of the pretty crowd. I now own clothes like knee high boots to wear with skirts, high heels, dress pants, a nice wool jacket, I'm growing my hair out, etc. I go out dressed like that and I notice heads turning in a good way.

It doesn't help that I live in ultra-conservative Montana where just having red hair gets me snarky behind-the-back comments when I'm out and about.

I probably should've posted this on the 20's board, because maybe it's due to my age. The two clashing "me's" are so different, I don't know what to do. It also doesn't help that I don't really have any friends out here that I do things with outside of work.

I should note that I am allowed the freedom to pretty much dress and look the way I want at work, which is great.

I guess I just feel lost and confused. Has/is anyone else gone/going through something like this? It's different than just accepting the size of my body now. I just have no idea who I am or want to be anymore.

I'm not at goal yet, so I can't give you much of an answer, but I was recently thinking of myself in a similar way...I hope I never forget where I came from and I hope that no matter what changes, I will be true to who I know I am and recognize myself on the other side...I can only imagine how tough it must be making decisions when EVERY door is open along the way... good luck to you..(I LOVE THE RED LOCKS!!!) xxxBecca

Thanks for chiming in. I never thought I'd find myself in this position - being so oddly lost. After talking with some people at work today, I realized that I really was meant to be the 'odd' one. I had been debating getting my nose pierced after just having taken out my eyebrow ring (due to rejection), so I think I'm going to do that. And I want to get my hair colored like this: http://recycleddog.com/gallery2/main.php?g2_itemId=9543 I get much more excited about looking at funky clothes than shopping the Gap or J Crew or something. Maybe that's my litmus test.

the hair is beautiful!!!...be sure to post pics when you get it done! xxxbecca

I didn't see your up-close pics until this morning. I love your ear plugs with the hoops inside! And I would kill for your eyebrows. Just had to add that!

lol...thank you...I'm naturally a strawberry blonde, so my eyebrows are actually invisible...about two years ago I tattooed them on...lol...beats the hell out of drawing them on everyday...lol so don't kill anyone, just have me "done"...lol xxxBecca

I know what you're talking about.  It is a huge identity crisis because we're not "the fat girl" anymore, and I never realized all that went along with being "the fat girl" until it was gone.  I guess I would ask, how do you feel the most comfortable?  And why can't the "emo"-looking you be one of the pretty peolpe?  I don't necessarily think an "emo" attitude would be comparable with a "pretty lifestyle" but when you talk about emo it isn't about listening to depressing music and being meloncholy - you mean more the look, right?  I think the emo-style piercings and clothing can be beautiful (and some of it scary...but that is true for any style).   I don't think you have to be one or the other.  You don't have to act - just be.  If the people you hang around with don't appreciate you just as you are then they aren't worth the trouble.   

Sorry, I didn't know what word to describe "the look". Back in the 90's it was "alternative". Maybe it still is? I do listen to music that people refer to as "emo", but I'm not all depressed and morose all the time.

I just had a long talk with my husband, and he says that even though I dress up for work, I do not fall into the "pretty girl" attitude. He's right. I gravitate to funky hair cuts, girls with tattoo sleeves, and all that fun stuff.

Thanks for the reality check. I know the people I'm close with don't care if how I dress or what I do with my body. I think my haircut appointment tomorrow kind of triggered this "what am I going to do" response. I need to stop being so reactive.

Glad you got it all figured out and that you are more at ease now. I love the funky haircolor, tattoos & piercings as well. LOVE the coloring you are going to do. Is that Deadly Nightshade? Just wanted to pop in and say good luck and please post pics when you get your hair done.

I'm not sure what color it is - I hope my stylist got my email before she went out and bought color for me. (She runs her own salon and I'm one of the few clients she gets to play with color on).

I may end up with just red if she already bought it. But I hope not! That color in that picture is fun yet understated. I know her normal line has pinks available in it, and it looks like that picture has a burgandy base with some pinky-purple highlights throughout it. I'll find out tomorrow what's going to happen. I'm really excited!