D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

I am officially Single. The end of my marriage was a long time a comin...but it's officially over. I know there is a high percentage of divorce after WLS, lump me in I guess. Ill blog more later about what its like, how I feel, the effects etc. Im not 100% sure where to move on from here. One of the major reasons I wanted this was because I wanted the freedom to party, date....But I can't lie and say I am not terrified that I will never find something meaningful...cuz shallow hook-ups as fun as they are, do leave you pretty...well shallow feeling in the end. Any advice??

sorry....no advice...just "good luck" and remember to be safe and take care of yourself first! xxxBecca

Although I am not married, I too am worried of the same outcome...  I do not know how this will end up changing my personality or my relationship.  Not to say that I want it to, but will my interests change?  Will my passion change?  Will the things I do now interest me any further?  Will my girlfriend change with me?  All the questions are still up in the air for me.... Thank you for your post Mandy!  I look forward, as I am sure you do, to seeing the other replies.

My advice to you... would be to communicate.  You and your girlfriend need to talk about every tiny detail of anything- wether it be important or not.  While you physically change, your head will be going through sooo much.  She might not completely understand... maybe you both should head to the support groups together. This is a wonderful as well as stressful journey... but many have come through stronger than ever in their relationships.  You can do it too! :)

The question is do I want to?

I obviously don't know what the right thing to do is...but I will be honest EVERYTHING has changed since surgery. My interests, the friends I socialize with, how I dress, the type of people I attract. I guess the only advice is to expect these changes. I " sort of" expected them....but didn't expect them to change my marriage. They did though....but everyone handles everything differently...so good luck to you to, may things work out the way they are meant to be!

I am so sorry, Mandy.  I haven't been married... so I don't know what to say in condolences or advice regarding that. But... I started a relationship 6 mos post op.  Looking back... I probably was still a pre-op mentally.  He broke up with me after a year (3 weeks post tummy tuck).  He broke up with me because he wanted me to experience the dating and party scene... in reality, he was insecure, etc.  Why would he expect me to go out and do stuff and then come back, ya know?  He never wanted to do anything with me in regards to the going out.  Anywho... I am scared, myself... will I find someone?  Someone who will do everything with me?  Someone who doesn't just wanna sleep with me and move on?  In the four months since the break... I have been through every emotion possible.  I am just now confident in my self, my strength and ideals.  It takes some time, but everything will fall in place. But for now... here's a gigantic hug! *hug!*

Wow... I'm really sorry to hear that. My partner and I broke up 2 1/2 months ago but are stilll friends... still live together and everything. It's odd but works somehow most days. She had WLS in April 2006 and is at goal. Honestly, I'm glad that we broke up before surgery for the reasons you mentioned above, although she and I are still close and she will still be there for me during surgery. I know that I will be a partying machine after surgery and I can't wait! But really, there's nothing to worry about at this point... of course you'll find something meaningful when you'r ready. Just enjoy your time in your new body and when it's time to settle down, you'll know. Until then, party on! ;)

I am really sorry to hear about your divorce, it seems you are okay with it though. I would probably take it slow dating, I know personally where I am I wouldnt really think about dating, as I think I would find it really uncomfortable, since most guys will want to go out to dinner.  Dancing, or bowling would be fine. On a personal note, I couldn't imagine getting a divorce from my hubby, I hope you are okay.

My decree was just signed the 28th, so I know how you feel. I think it's just one aspect of trying to figure out where we go from here. I can't speak for you, just me, but this time around I'm going to find my match, not just the first warm body who says they love me...