She finally admitted it....

One of my closest friends finally admitted that she thinks i took the easy way out by getting WLS and she is angry because i paid less than she did when she had a cyst and ovary removed 2 months before.  she was really mean about it, she basically told me that i was going to fail. i knew that she wouldnt be supportive but to actually hear her say it.  it hit me alot harder than i thought it would.   i was so hurt i started crying and ran out of her house and drove the hour back home in the middle of the night.  she even said these things in front of two other friends, who didnt come to my defense either, so basically none of my 'friends' support me in this.  it really hurts.  i feel real lonely right now.

I really think this sort of behavior comes down to jealousy and that's it.  If your friend is also overweight, she probably doesn't want to see you getting thinner and if she's thin herself, maybe she feels threatened by you now.  I don't understand why else anyone would think to say these sort of things to their "friend."  I know it's hard because you probably care about them, but they obviously don't care much for your feelings so I don't think they deserve your time. Stuff like this is one reason why, if I get this surgery, I'm not telling any of my friends.  I had a hard enough time with some of them when I lost a bunch of weight on my own.  Jealousy is caustic.

you're totally right... she is mad b/c she is overweight (not as much as me) but she says 'i would never consider surgery' which i told her ' you wouldnt be allowed anyways b/c your not 100 lbs overwieght'  she got mad at that retort.  i have always been the fat friend and in a few months i will be smaller than her.  i know she hates it.  but it hurts that i did this surgery to improve my life, but i will have to lose my friends in the process. it's not fair.

Its pure jealously... so what if you paid less than she did? You had completely different surgeries. She just sounds like she is miserable for whatever reason and lashing out at you. I am sure she is jealous because you made a major decision in your life and went thru with it - thats hard for many people to accept. Also the fact you are losing weight and getting healthy. Either way, you can lay back and see if she 'comes around' or just write her off... if over time she is still not supportive and lashing out at you then shes not the type of friend you even want.

I had a friend that wasnt supportive in the beginning... after time passed and she saw I was still 'me' she came around. She still gets a little jealous now and then and makes comments... the other day she said something like 'you are pretty ****y now that you are skinny' or something... I dont think of myself as ****y - I just no longer allow myself to be the doormat I use to. On the other hand my dads wife is jealous of me, too bad I cant get rid of her!!! Last time I was home (September) she said I was getting 'too thin' (I was wearing a 12 pants, Large top... still wearing some 14 jeans as well)... I just talked to her yesterday and she asked what size I was wearing... I said 10 but am close to an 8 and she says 'well dont lose more weight or you will look anexoric' *eye roll* when my dad told her I wanted to get Plastic Surgery (I asked him to help me out with getting a loan and if he could some $$)... now shes all bent on getting a breast lift (at my fathers expense of course... so basically he wouldnt be able to help me because hes helping her). Jealousy is an awful thing... its no way to live your life - if you want something somebody else has then work on getting it for yourself... not stomping the person down.

Girls can be so petty sometimes, it's disgusting.  I don't really think a friend who would talk to you like that is a friend worth keeping, who knows what kind of crap she might pull down the road, wls or not.  You'll pull through and I'd be willing to bet you'll be better off.

Hello Sarah.

 

I am sorry you have to go through this and deal with her saying it to your face with out the support of the other 2 girls...  I have been going through this since Before I had my surgery.

My best friend (who is much bigger then me) Litterally will not answer my calls, text messages, emails, myspace messages... I can see she reads them on myspace but she never rights back.  I havent talked to her in weeks.. It hurts because we hve been BFF for 9 years.  I almost just want her to let me know what her problem it is.... I am positive it has to do with my surgery... Last time I saw, she was like wow your losing so fast no one is even gonna notice me... WHAT?  I think that this is something that just comes with WLS.... 

There will be much better people out there that arent going to care if your big or small... Its sad that your BFF isnt one of those people, it seems selfish.

 

:-(

oh girl Im so sorry youhave to go through this. Im sorry I dont have any advice, but I am sending out (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

It's really sad that your closest friends would react like this, I am really sorry. My bestfriend is the only one that supports me of all my friends. The rest never say anything. The 4 of of have been really close for years and they never not once said I looked good/different since I had surgery and I am 4 months out so there is def a noticable difference. You really get to see who your real friends are when you have surgery. They really are probably are just jealous because you are going to look amazing and you will be the center of attention whether you want to be or not. I would say try sitting them down and talking to them about how much it hurt you when they said these things to you; and if they don't understand then you might just be better off without them ((i know it's terrible to say but if their really true friends they should care about you more and they shouldn't let jealousy get in the way of that)). .and surgery is def not the easy way out of it. .you should show them how little you will be eating and how it effects you emotionally. .maybe by showing her posts on here or just asking people what they went through when they had surgery. .you need your friends to help you through this because it really isn't easy at all. .if you need to talk more pm me and I would be happy to help or just talk =)

I am so very sorry that you had to go through that.  Your "friend" was absolutely WRONG to be so nasty and those other "friends" who didn't defend you have a lot to answer for as well.  They are jerks and I hope you are able to find others who are much more supportive about this.  You are not going to fail.  I wish you the best in your WLS journey.

thanks everyone for your kind words of support.  it means alot to me to have a place i can go when i need someone to lean on!  i dont know what the outcome will be, but I think this will just put an even bigger distance between us.  I am using my anger in a positive way... more motivation to succeed.  kind of an 'i'll show them' attitude.