newbie here needing some encouragement

hello all. I'm Michelle & I'm 19. Today was my psych evaluation follow up. My psychologist said i'm mentally fine & I'm very smart & mature for *only* being 19 yrs old. Well then she went on to say that she is concerned that I am too young to be completely prepared for the drastic lifestyle. I didn't know what to say. I just clammed up. I almost wanted to cry because I know she pretty much holds the cards at this point b/c my surgeon would never do the surgery if the psychologist thinks i am not ready. So she thinks I need to have therapy once a week, for the next three months. She didn't give me a reason why WHY she thinks I need the therapy. But if i do this, then I won't be able to have surgery in December - that's when my parents & I wanted to have it done. I'm upset & feeling rejected - even though she specifically said that she is NOT rejecting me & I did NOT fail. She is sending her recommendation to the surgeon tomorrow. I don't know what i should do or what i really can do about this. Has anyone else gone through this?  Or have your doctors brought up any concern with your age? What bugs me the most is that in three months... after the therapy...i will still be 19 years old...

Did the fact that you were planning on having the surgery in December (I assume to work around school semesters) come up in the conversation? It seems that the added stress and difficulty of having to deal with something like this during a semester would warrant them letting you begin the therapy and have the surgery when you are two-thirds through. I would call the psych. and talk about that if it hadn't been considered. If all else fails you can go see the fine folks at Duke where I had my surgery, but good luck even getting a consult by december. In fact, I think it was a year ago to the day today that i went to my first seminar, and I didn't have surgery until the end of March, and they have only gotten busier...

How does going to therapy once a week prevent you from having the surgery?  I am required to do weekly therapy and am having surgery in November.  I will just miss about two weeks while I'm in recovery...that's not really a big deal.  Unless she wants you to have three months of therapy before the surgery, and that would be weird...but that's not what it sounds like.  Maybe I am misunderstanding.  I was at first upset about the therapy, but I got a different psychotherapist from the one who did my MMPI and she is so great that I am OK with it now.

I feel its a mistake when somebody gets in their mind when they want to have surgery... its a process and for some it goes quickly and some it goes slowly. I commend your psych for being concerned.. maybe psychs dont really truely care and send people on thru *****ally needed a little more in the beginning. There are MANY issues people can come up against post-op and the better your are prepared for them pre-op will help. I understand you are upset... when you get older you will see why your psych felt that way. I can remember at 19 feeling like I was an adult and knew everything and could make decisions... but as you get older you realize that you are still young and learning. I use to hear it all the time from my older friends 'when you are our age you will see' but I didnt believe them and didnt listen... and when I got to their age I did understand.  Its a huge decision for somebody of your age to make... it may be hard for you to really truly wrap your mind around everything that is going to occur. I know when I was your age I really didnt understand the consequences of my actions... that was something that took many more years to learn. I didnt realize that something I did today could really effect me 3,4,5 years down the road. With this surgery its something that you will live with ever day of your life for the rest of your life... the first 6 months - a year require dedication and hard work... it can be very overwhelming for people of any age.  So again... be thankful that your psych is concerned... the LITTLE work she is requiring you to do pre-op will make a HUGE differenece post-op. Its MUCH easier to put some work in now then deal with havng issues later. I think you should do what the psych says and get yourself prepared for surgery... you will be SO thankful for it later.

Personally I would just suggest going to the therapy appointments.  I was required to have 6 months of therapy after my surgery, and its fine I go like every 2 weeks and i think next time i go next week shes going to let me go a month between appointments, its actually kinda fun, shes super nice and I can talk about what ever is going on with me. Seriously I would just  accept it and make the best out of it, if you freak out about therapy, the doctors might wonder how you can handle the lifestyle changes required for surgery.

Hey Michelle, My psychiatrist brought up the same point with me and I was 27.  Granted, she didn't recommend therapy for three months, but we talked for a long time about me being able to "handle" the drastic change my life was going to have.  Three months of therapy is nothing, chicky.  It took me 7 months to get from front to back of my surgery process.  I know it sucks, but try to sit through it, play the pity party game with the psychiatrist (as in: I'm so depressed because I'm overweight and I need this surgery!!) and you'll get approved with you problems.  Good luck!!

i agree with what everyone says...your psych wouldn't recommend therapy if she didn't think that you needed it...this is huge change and she wants to make sure that you can handle it...it took me 7 months to get approved so 3 months should be that bad...did she mention if she wanted you to do this all before surgery or after surgery too??? you need to ask. anyway you should calm down don't give anyone a reason to think that you shouldn't have the surgery.

WOW! what a load of responses! thank you all for taking your time to respond! I talked to the bariatric  coordinator & the lady from the psychologists office & they both said the same thing... "here's the number & name of a therapist in your area, after your three months, you will get another psych evaluation & the doctor will determine if you are ready" so i felt pretty bummed. my dad, who is a doctor, was immediately angry. he thinks i need to get a second psychologists opinion. he believes that since the psychologist went out of her way to explain to me how smart & mature i am that the reason why she must want me to have therapy is because she/they want to make sure that *they* will not regret doing the surgery. so it was not about me, but more so for them that they will be making the right choice. today i found out that the reason why the psychologist that did my evaluation thinks i should have therapy is because she said when she scored my test I answered all of the questions in a positive way. and i have a lot of positive regard for myself & that i may be hiding something(s) from her. I told her i did not lie about anything on the test. she then went on to say that i have been the only one under the age of 21 to score so high on the test. i am not sure what to think or feel about this major disappointment. since the only time i can have surgery is between major breaks(summer & winter) i will have to wait until this summer to have surgery. so i see no need in having the therapy right away when for one, in three months i will STILL be 19 yrs old, and two is because summer is 7 months away. So i talked to my mom & i decided to start therapy in January. now that i think about it even if i start in January i will still be 19 at the end of therapy. heh... thanks for all the responses & encouragement!

why do you feel like you can only have surgery during major breaks?  is it school??? I wanted to have surgery in the summer, but because of evaluations and stuff it ended up being in september second week of the semester.  I had Lap RNY and only missed from the 11th till the 24th and told all my teachers what was going on and they were all really helpful and completely cool with me making up work. I just wanted to suggest to you not limiting yourself so much if you talk to teachers they will help you if college is your concern.

yes, i'm in school right now. i'm taking a full course load & taking time off is not an option. i am only allowed two days missed in each of my classes. even if i wanted to do the surgery (assuming everything went smoothly, and i was approved) during this semester, my surgeon has said he will put a stop to it. he said that the night of the information session/the night i met him. plus, in case i were to have complications, i don't want to miss more school or return to class not feeling well. so it's a personal choice & my surgeons choice.