Always the "friend"

My love life right now is NULL. Nada, zip, zilch, zero. I AM SO SICK OF BEING THE "FUNNY" FAT GIRL!!!!! I meet a lot of guys but I am always "the friend". Why is this? I want to be more than a friend. What is a girl to do?  Everyone keeps telling me that I will meet someone but I haven't and it is starting to get frustrating. I mean I am putting myself out there and there are no takers. I will admit, I am shy at times but after talking to me I come out of my shell. I look at my thinner friends and see how they get guys left and right. Is being obese such a huge turn off? Will dating change when I am thinner? It is so frustrating right now. Everyone tells me that I have a pretty face. Ok thats great, but what about the rest of Me? Am I a nice person? How is my personality. GURRRRR!!! I asked one of my close guy friends what it is about me that he likes. Again, it is my "great personality". I asked him why no guy will date me and he didn't know what to say.  So what do you do? Wait around? The phrase Fear of Rejection comes to mind. maybe thats why I don't try as hard as I should with guys. All I know is that I am on this journey, I am still fat and without a boyfriend.  So if anyone knows any single guys that doesn't mind having an obese girlfrined. Hook it up!!!  Sorry about the rant. I feel better :o)

Hey Ruthie!  I'm so with you hun.  I think it is up to us to change our personal outlook.... Maybe we're projecting the friend vibe???? I've only had one boyfriend lol.. and still don't know how I roped him in he he. But, I'm glad your rant made you feel better... we're all here for ya chickie :)

I am with both of you right now. It hurts so much. I have a friend I am so into. But its like he doesn't even know that Im female. im just his friend. I have even had mutual friends tell me that we would make a great couple, but I know this guys type, and i am not it(physically). Anyways I started to really get over it, and I wouldn't even let myself think about it. Then the other night a friend who desn't know I like him, came right out and said we would make a great couple. Now all teh feelings are back. Anyways just sending this out to everyone, while your setting up Ruthie if you know any guys in Colorado send them my way.  I don't know what the problems is. I know on my part I can be really shy unless I know a guy, but I do think alot of it is the weight. Who knows ?

I totally understand where you girls are coming from.  I too am 'Always the friend, never the lover'.  I will say this, when a man does finally chose me he will be so lucky.  With my years of observation and learning  through my role as a friend, i will make one bad a** girlfriend.   So if anyone has guys friends in the ohio/pa area hook a girl up!!

Ruth - I'm sorry you're frustrated.  I can only imagine.  I was lucky to meet my now husband back when I was 14 (and close to 280 pounds) and though our relationship has been far from perfect he has loved me big and small.  If someone can love me certianally there is someone out there for you.  I think a lot of the way people see us is based on how we see ourselves.  You're wonderful.  I hope you know that and I hope someday soon someone else special realizes it too.

I want to thank all of you for listening and all the great advice!!! Hopefully I can make it happen. It's just a though stage right now.

For the first year post-op I decided it was going to be MY year... I focused on ME and what I needed to do to be successful. For me, a BF did  not fit into the picture. Of course I still went out and met people... even went on a few dates but kept everything very casual. I found as I lost more weight I became more confident... I took more pride in the way I looked and put more effort. I also my taste in guys changed over the course the year.... a guy I may have dated a month post-op I wouldnt date at a year post-op. Being obese isnt a turn off to all... everybody has what they like and what they dont. Me, I dont like super skinny guys... nor do I like very overweight guys... I like them thick... maybe slightly squishy.  Dating will definately change as you lose weight... why? because not only will your body change but YOU will change. You will feel more comfortable with yourself and be more approachable. I found the reason I wasnt approached more when I was overweight was because of the vibe I put out... I was always scared of rejection or being made fun of I put up a wall and people would just stay away. Anyways my advice would be just to focus on yourself and doing what you need to do to be succesful. When the time is right you will find somebody :-) Also, IMO, its hard to start a relationship when you just had WLS.. thats a lot to ask somebody to deal with... plus how will they react when you are changing so much and becomming more confident? How will they deal when you get more attention from other guys? Its a lot to ask!

I'm not the fluffy type who's going to tell you what you want to hear so I'll just say how I feel... I'm over weight and I never suffer from lack of boyfriend :P It's all about a) self confidence and b) appearance. Everyone knows that you can't win a guy over with just your personality since that's not what made the first impression. If you're confident (note: not arrogant) and take a bit of time to do something with your face (mascara, nothing drastic) then you might find that you will attract more men (shape eyebrows and get a shorter/straighter hairstyle). It's not that men aren't attracted to large women- lots of em' are.. it's just the ones who are are going to be more attracted to someone who appears more put-together than the ones who aren't. Make sense? Sorry if I came off as an ass.. I just don't like to beat around the bush.

I think it is important to mention that losing weight will not, necessarily, solve your lack of a boyfriend dilema. (Actually, losing weight will solve very few problems, except for the health ones.) In fact, it may make it more complicated. Ha!  I have just as many "guy friends" now as I did when I was 300 pounds. The difference is, now those friendships might end up a little complicated. I had very few romantic/sexual relationships when I was obese because I was so incredibly unhappy with myself. Who would want to be with someone who is unhappy? I know I wouldn't. Losing weight didn't make me happier, it just made me skinnier. You have to love yourself at 300 pounds or 150 pounds. When you are happy with you, it shows. Now is the time to embrace the "funny fat girl" because before you know it you'll be the "funny skinny girl".  OK - enough of my rambling. Just focus on you. Also, don't settle...you deserve the best!