I feel like a failure....

So today I went to the baseball game.  I am about 6 weeks from surgery.  I am trying to eat right behave and all that good girl stuff.  and the whole time at the game all i could think about was FOOD.  Natchos, Alcohol, Popcorn, okay and anyway the list goes on.  I was getting so mad at myself for focusing on the darn food and not the game that I started to get a little emotional.  I am such a loser.  What is it about me that cant just enjoy a baseball game with out food.  I seriously need to get use to just enjoying a game because here in a few weeks there will be none of that stuff.  And since I was wanting all that and telling myself that I couldnt/shouldnt have it, I started to get a little grumpy.  What is wrong with me that I start getting grumpy!!!  Is this normal?  I feel like a huge failure right now.  I need to take my focus off food.  I need to go to bed right now, but I hope that someone can say something that will help make sense out of this.  Oh and after I got peved at myself for wanting food, I sat and like really tried to focus on the game and my husband thought i was mad, but i wasnt i was like darn it I am going to watch this game!

I'm pre-op too. I just gave in to my urges so you should be proud of your self-control!

For me, I was at the point where I could take or leave the food, I was just so serious about loosing the weight and makeing sure that surgery happend for me.

But THEEEEN surgery became such a reality that i panic-ed (sp?) and i just gave in to all my cravings because i thought ..well what if i can NEVER have this or that again .. so i just nibbled at everything in site for a couple of days. Now i've been back on my pre-op diet and i started drinking slimfast low carb shakes .. i've had my two today and i had a couple of piecies of chicken and i'm very satisfied.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You'll do great!

just a heads up, i dont think things like that get easier after surgery either. Maybe a little cause you can come to terms, but when i see people eating stuff like that i get a little jealous. I dont quite get grumpy or as upset as you, but i do envy sometimes. especiall at bar-b-ques. Everyone is eat a little of everything and then i have to decide, do i want a hot dog or half a hamburger. But luckily i have freinds who will cut pieces off of ther stuff, but not always. just remember it doesnt get easier you just have to be stronger.

As much as we want it to get easier, I haven't had it happen yet.  I'm also Pre-Op and food just calls my name everywhere I go.  My problem is, I love to eat and I think even that is an understatement.  I eat because it's a tradition or I just fall into a repetitive pattern, When I gone to a ball game in the past, I eat, nachos, a hot dog, usually 2 or three beers and a soda.  Same thing with a hockey game but add ice cream.  Football parties all year with ALL the finger foods a snacks just looking up from the buffet line.  Heck, even when I go to the beach, I just HAVE to have a soft pretzel and a frozen lemonade.  Not Anymore! I look around now and I find myself getting envious of people eating this crap.  But then, I swallow the envy, and turn it to pity.  I look around and I watch hamburgers with extra cheese get crammed down someones throat, ice cream being swallowed with glee, and I think to myself, "I'm so glad I can't eat like that any more."  Maybe just psyching myself out a bit.  But it works.   I also lay out the pro's and con's  Pro's "If I eat this bag of chips they will taste so, salty and good"   Con's "If I eat this bag of chips they will taste so salty and good, and then I'll need some calorie laden beverage to wa**** down with, and it might possibly open up the flood gates to more food that I KNOW I shouldn't be eating" Like the previous poster said, YOU are the one that has to be strong.  YOU control what goes into your body, don't let it control you.

Hi!   You are so NOT a failure.  This is HARD.  Really, really hard.  Every single day is a battle, but we don't win every single day.  I am 5 months post op, and I get so angry sometimes because I want to have pasta, or burgers, or a hot fudge sundae.  And sometimes, I lose.  Somedays, I eat a little bit of pasta, or burger, or sundae.  But I can't let that make me feel like a failure.  I just tell myself, I will win today.  And then, I remember that I took my vitamins, I took my protein, and I worked out.  I focus on the positives of the day.  The purpose of the surgery is to have a better life, not weigh yourself down with the negatives of the loss of food.  It is hard, but it is not impossible.  Every day you have to find something to have joy about.  Whether it is measurement day and you have lost inches, or it is that today you drank all your water, you find something to have joy in.  You can do it.  But remember, it isn't immediate.  Baby steps and eventually you have come a mile.  But it takes baby steps.  Keep your chin up.  I know you can do this! Cynthia

Hey, watching my favorite team lose by 7 runs to the lowly Devil Rays would make me want to bury my sorrows in food too!  ....just kidding! Seriously though, head-hunger is something that is not easily controlled. You hear it all the time - "they operated on my stomach, but I wish they could of operated on my head!" Of course WLS is just a tool that helps you in a number of ways but does not include head hunger. I think it does get somewhat easier when the negative conditioning of "I don't want to dump" kicks in. Still though some foods that you can still eat will trigger cravings. One thing that has helped for me is the fact that I rarely get hungry anymore. I usually only feel hungry once a day and sometimes not at all. When I do I can usually look down at my watch and guess what? It has been three hours or close to it so it is time to eat again anyway.  The thing about head hunger is that it is triggered by our love for certain foods. Unfortunatly, it isn't something we can just decide to turn off like a switch. Rather, it is a process that is ongoing. I'd like to tell you it will get easier with practice because I think it has for me, but everybody is different and your experience may vary. The fact that you are already trying to cope with it now is a very good sign to me that you will battle it head-on and be more likely to experience success. I recall eating everything in sight right up to the day I had to start my one week pre-op diet, then it was time to get serious and I followed that to a tee and dropped 11 lbs the week before surgery.  I will have to see if I can resist the temptations at the ballpark when I get my first opportunity after arriving back in Phoenix. My mother-in-law has a share of season tickets to the Diamondbacks so if I'm lucky I might get to go root them on as they battle for the NL West pennant this September. In the past I have been pretty good about resisting because I am so cheap, I hate paying eight dollars for a beer, to hard to swallow. The Diamondbacks allow you to bring your own food into the stadium so I usuallly would just bring my own stuff, that may really come in handy now that i have had surgery. One thing I know for sure is that I will fit in those seats a lot more comfortably!

Thanks so much everyone, it is nice to know that I am not alone, and I am not the only person that goes through well food envy.  I ended up only having 2 things, a hot dog for lunch (which was planned) and a lemon ice, which is just my favorite thing at the ballpark.  I appreciate all the understanding comments.  I sometimes wonder if I am the only person that goes through this stuff, but obviously it's not just me.  I hope that as I get in the practice of not having some things it will get easier.  Aaron suggested that we look at how much money we would be saving by not eating at the ball park and then save that money for after surgery when I start needing new clothing haha.  Well not much makes a girl happier than shopping! I am going to go sit in the chatroom for a little bit, then I am going swimming. Thanks everyone.

You are definately NOT a failure.  You are normal for a bypass post-op.  It is hard re-learning how to relate to food and on some levels it is probably always going to be kind of hard.  I have to disagree with what one of the earilier posts said, I do believe that it gets easier with practice.  And who says a hot dog is a no no?  It isn't something you should eat everyday but once in a while it is okay (I have one occasionally).  Now I don't know if I would be chowing on hot dogs at 6 weeks, but if it is okay with your surgeon's plan then you don't need to feel guilty about that.  And I had a lemon ice today IN THE HOSPITAL so that was an okay choice too.  Just be concious about how much sugar is in stuff like that and if you have one now try to cut out some sugar somewhere else later on. For now, if you need to, try to avoid situations where you are going to be tempted beyond your means.  This meant for me not going with my family on Sunday nights to our traditional dinner out at Culvers for a while, skipping going in to certain gas stations and not having junk food even in my house.  These things aren't as hard for me now but that is only with practice.  I think you have a good start already by trying to focus on the GAME and not the food.  Try explaining to your husband what is going on and ask him to help you distract yourself.  I'd bet the two of you could figure out something to take your focus off of the food .   Don't get mad at yourself - you were doing the right thing, only it was hard.  I applaud your efforts and I just know next time will be better.  You can do this Amanda so keep at it.

Thanks Amy, When I said in the first post I am 6 weeks from surgery, meaning that my surgery is in 6 weeks.  So I can technically have anything I want right now.  But I know I need to start walking the walk, if I am going to live life like this.  But I really really appreciate the support.  You are so nice and I know you have been through a lot lately.  (I am glad to hear your out of surgery).  I think it will get easier with time, and practice.  My hubby is really great, I am lucky that he is pretty understanding.

You know I knew that too, sorry, blame it on the drugs.  The same principle still applies though - it will get easier with practice and at least you are recognizing things that need work.  After surgery you might just dump on hot dogs (don't totally count on that or test the waters too quickly) and even if you don't you'll only be able to have a small portion at a time.  I had "last supper syndrome" like you wouldn't believe leading up to my surgery (I knew the week I would have surgery more than 2 months ahead of time so I had a while to prepare myself).  My psychologist had me write goodbye notes to foods and I took that a little too far and used it as an excuse to pig out on all kinds of crap.  I was lucky I didn't gain more weight than I could lose on my pre-op liquid diet or else I would have been in trouble with my surgeon.  I'm glad your husband is understanding that is really important.  I hope he continues to understand and help you when he can.  Don't be afraid to ask for help or admit you are having a rough time - that is not weakness it is just being smart.  I wish you the best and I pray that in the time left before your surgery you feel at ease and as prepared as possible.