Dating and WLS

Hello I need some advice all. I have heard that it is recommended that WLS patients not start a serious relationship untill something like a year after they have lost all thier weight. I am hoping to ahve my surgery very soon (will get my date on friday). Anyways my question is: there is this guy that I am really into, and I have put off doing anything about it because Im worried what will happen to the relationship after my WLS. And this relationship would be serious. It would not be a casual thing. Also this person is a good friend, so he will still be here after I lose all the weight. I just don't want to miss my oppertunity with him waiting for that to happen. What do you think? Should I go for it or wait, and do you think my feeling for him will really change just because of weight loss? I dont know, but please any advice would be appreciated.

Hi,  I am certainly not a therapist or counselor or anything, but I feel like if you are into a guy, you should go for it.  I would be up front about the WLS; I mean, it is a HUGE deal.  It will affect every aspect of your life.  However, it isn't like WLS automatically messes up relationships.  The recommendation is to prevent WLS patients from rushing into a relationship just because they feel like the first person that likes their new body must be THE one.  I wouldn't advise getting married next week, but I cannot imagine that dating would hurt.  You just want to make sure that you are very realistic about the surgery.  It is an emotional battleground.  Remember that, and be honest with the guy.  Just don't invest everything in this guy; meaning, you don't want to make your success or failure with WLS to be wrapped up in your relationship with this guy.  I don't think that you should wait just because of WLS, but I don't think you should go for it just because of WLS either.

I'm intrigued by this...where did you hear that its recommended WLS patients not start a relationship until a year after losing the weight? I plan on continuing my current relationship through the process. I'm concerned about what effect the surgery may have, but am hoping for the best.

i heard about  waitng to get into a serious relationship through diffrent posts on this site. Who knows though. I really don't know if there isd any research to back it up or what.  As far as the guy goes, we are good freinds and he is one of the first few people that I told about the surgery. We talk about it all the time so he does know whats going on. I have even talked about some of these concerns with him too. The thing is i don't want to do anything to jepordize my relationship with this guy so if it would be ebtter to wait id rather wait, but sometimes I think that i am just chickening out.

You know him and yourself, better then any of us here... If you think that you are emotionally ready, and he is willing to support you all the way I say why not.. You only live once...  I

Hello Robin, This is a great topic. I was not in a relationship before surgery. I am 6 months post op. I met a guy last month and we dated for a short time and about 3 weeks ago he asked me to be his exclusive girlfriend, I said yes. So now I have a boyfriend. Let me mention that I have not had a relationship for over 4 years. What I have noticed in the past month is that I have not been eating right and have skipped going to the gym many times. I put myself back in check. Just this past week I started going back to the gym and have been eating healthier. I think why it is said that people should wait over a year is because it is easy to fall off the band wagon. In addition, you are finding who you are without food all over again. My brother and mother both helped me realize what I have accomplished thus far and not to ruin it by eating unhealthy and drinking and why I chose to have WLS. Thank god for my support!

I would go for it. This might be your only opprotunity and if it is ment to be it is ment to be. But dont put your life on hold because of the surgery. Live life to the fullest! That is what makes me happy.

 

~Diana~

That's an excellent point, Diana. I am inclined to agree. I def. "relax" on my healthy routines when in a relationship. Maybe I just get comfortable...or distracted?

Put me in the "go for it" crowd as well. When I had my surgery, I stopped actively trying to meet people for both the reasons that Diana articulated, as well as the fact that I am going to be constantly changing as I lose my excess weight.  In the months since my surgery, my energy level, attitude, interests, etc. have all been in a state of flux, and the truth is that I have no idea what I'm really going to be interested in 6 months from now. That said, I definitely would not give up the opportunity to be with someone if it felt like it was the right thing for me.  In fact, ironically, ever since I stopped looking, interesting people have been finding me.  So, despite my best efforts to avoid starting something while my life is changing, there's probably a better chance of it happening now than there has been in a long time.  It's funny how that works.

They (who ever they are) always say you find it when your not looking for it.

I agree. I was totally not looking for anything when I started out with this guy. Then we became friends, and now I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I could really fall in love with this guy. It completly took me by suprise though, It was like we were going along just casula friends, and then one night we had this really deep conversation. We talke for something like five hours, and ever since then I can't get him out of my head. Anyways thank you all for the advice. Ill keep you updated, and let you know how it goes.