Okay Ladies - Let's Talk About Post-Op Breasts

After surgery - your breasts are likely to get smaller.  Truth is one of the first places women lose weight is from their breasts.  I remember being 2 months post-op and wondering where the 35 pounds had come from and looking at myself in the mirror it was obvious that the weight came from my face (who knew a couple extra chins could weigh so much?), my right love handle (don't ask me why it was just the right side, I still carry 10 more pounds on my left side than on my right) and my breasts.  It was depressing at first but eventually I grew a sense of humor about it and I encourage you to do the same.  In the long run less clevage and saggy boobs is a small price to pay for all you can gain from losing the extra weight (and besides, anyone who has watched Dr. 90210 knows implants aren't THAT expensive).  So here is my experience with my "ladies" post-op. Can we talk about my breasts for a minute?  And this is not an open invitation to take a gander at them, though if you looked I doubt you’d find them (but if you do look and you do find them, please tell them that I miss them and I wish they would come home and I promise never, ever to wear that push up torture device ever again if they just come back to where they belong).  This is an open, frank and honest discussion about one of the many changes my body has come through as a result of my gastric bypass.  If you knew me pre-op two words that probably never would have occurred to you to use when giving the police my physical description would have been “large bust” because as long as we’re being honest here, let’s just admit that they never really were that big.  And saying that they “really weren’t that big” is a handy euphemism meaning they were very small.  Especially when compared with the rest of me.  Compared to the rest of me they might as well have been moles on a blue whale.  And don’t you argue with me because you know it’s true.  If I wanted cleavage (you know, that sexy little crack between bosoms much larger than mine that shows when wearing strategically low cut sweaters, that helps in the attracting of the male species, because for some reasons unknown to the rational world male species like cracks – maybe it makes them think of stuccoing something and that makes them feel manly…) I would have had to have some serious hardware shoving my love handles up into my bra cups (Me: “Hey baby, how do you like my rack?”  Some stranger: “It’s nice…hey wait, is that your belly button?”  Me: “Um, no.”).  But now…*shakes head in bewilderment* but now…

 

Maybe it is because the rest of me has gotten smaller so my blatant lack of breasts has become more apparent, or maybe it is because, for some reason unbeknownst to me, clothing designers are mocking me.  Seriously, I still can’t find tops that don’t make me look like a pre-pubescent boy!  Those shirts with the built in bra (what a joke!  In order to need a built in bra I need built in boobs, could we design a shirt with that feature next time please!) just collapse as the cups search for something that might resemble a breast, but instead, since there is no breast to attach to they balloon out, so that if I ever bend in any direction even a fraction of a degree, my lack of boobage is put on display as any looker-on could see clearly straight down to my belly button.  I had this same problem when I was bigger, so I thought “Hey, if I get smaller the shirts will get smaller and so will the place in shirts where breasts are supposed to go!”  and I was so wrong.  All of the designers got together and were like, “Okay, she is moving into medium tops, so everybody you know what to do.  Make the bust area gigantic and the part that is supposed to go under her ribs super-tight to emphasize the fact that she doesn’t have breasts! Whaaa he he ha ha ha!”  Jerks. 

Oh and to the bra makers of the world…I have some choice words I would like to share with you.  “They’re called HALF SIZES!”  Like A and ½, or even better, nearly-A (yeah shut up, I know, 13 year old boys have larger cup sizes than an A, but I’m just saying).  What would be wrong with that?  Shoes makers caught on, ring makers caught on, what is the learning curve here people?  How many years after the creation of “Wonder Bra” is it going to take? 

I have bras that kind of fit, so when I’m wearing them I can roll my tube-sock-80-year-old-lady breasts up and shove them in the cups so for most of the day they stay put where anatomically correct women wear their breasts, (you know, like in the mid-upper part of my rib cage region), but when the bra comes off I have hackey sacks that are attached.  

Poor Kyle (my husband).  He feels like he has to lie to me.  We both know the truth of the matter of the missing breasts, but he still keeps on lying to me like I don’t notice that when I lay down my breasts (or at least what is left of them) fall into my armpits.  Let’s just say that in certain intimate moments I worry that my deodorant is not nearly strong enough.  But he still says things like “Oh honey they are still nice.”  What does that mean?  Nice.  Are they kind to you when I am not looking?  Do they pack your lunch or compliment your driving, is that what makes them so “nice”?  I know what nice means, it means “I enjoy having sex sometimes and I am afraid that if I do not compliment your associated-with-sex female features you will cut me off completely from my only reliable source of sex.”  Argue with me, I dare you.  You have to love him for trying right? 

OK I dont post nearly as often as I should(aka never) but I had to respond to this one..... Pre WLS I had what I thought to be an ok rack...now....I have NOTHING.  what little is left hangs so low you would think they are trying to run away.   I laughed reading the entire post, but I could totally relate when you got to the husband part.  I have been dating a guy for about 6 months now.  He is a total boob man sad to say.  Occasionally he makes the mistake of making a comment about large boobs or just boobs in general, I will not so nicely point out he is dating the wrong person if he wants boobs.  He is very good about saying  " i like you just the way you are" riiiiight, i can see how you would like kissing my knees just to look at my boobs.....so yes ur right, you have to love him for trying!!!! Melissa

LOL - yup, he said the right thing "I like you just the way you are".  It is a small thing compared to all the open doors I have had since surgery and I'm sure you feel the same.  Maybe one day, when I'm done having kids, rich and have some time on my hands I'll get implants (nothing porn-ish, more like a solid B or C cup) but until then I think I'll live.

I have always had big boobs....always....I started to wear a bra in 2nd grade....Anyways I have lost 80 lbs and my boobs have definately gotten smaller.....Now when I tell you I still have some serious boobs....I still have some serious boobs.....I went from a 44 DDD to a 40 DDD....So I have gotten smaller around but my tatas are still big....My boyfriend thinks they have gotten too small....help me while I slap him upside the head..... As far a cleavage goes.....lets just say that when I was in college a guy I knew took a picture of my boobs and all you saw was cleavage......my brother was looking at my pictures and said ...who's ass crack is that....I nearly died but muttered....oh thats my cleavage.....he said OMG!

I am slightly jealous.  I have never known what it is like to have real breasts (or cleavage for that matter).  Oh, and just tell your boyfriend he is lucky that your "ladies" haven't completely gone into hiding like mine have.  What do you do with all that boobage?  I would be at a loss, but I guess you're used to it.  Congratulations on losing the girth inches, here's hoping you keep your cup size  

Hello there! Now I am only about 2 1/2 months out but, I think my first 17 lbs were lost from the breasts. I think that was aright, because I had plenty to spare. I have gone from a 40H to a 38DDD. *sigh* while I am okay with losing a lot of boob (read like down to a d cup) I really wouldn't want to lose more boob than that. I have spent most of my life looking like a cartoon character, with my tits so large they are up around my neck *AND NOT* because they are perky, but because they have *NO WHERE ELSE TO GO* lol. So I know that I would feel weird if I ended up with no boobs. I wouldn't feel like myself.  Anyway here is to hoping that a boob lift wont be out of my budget, because I need one, bad.

I think if you fall somewhere in the D's (1-2 or 3 D's) you're going to be just fine.  I have never even heard of H as a cup size, WOW .  You'll be proportional as the rest of you shrinks too so don't worry too much about it yet.  And yes, a boob job is hopefully in my future too (I'm thinking I'll wait until after I have kids and couple it with a tummy tuck and if I am super rich a thigh lift since I carried most of my weight in my thighs a butt so the skin sags worse there).  But if none of those platic surgery things ever becomes possible for me I'll still be happy with the results I have gotten and I hope you feel the same way too!  I wish you happiness with your body

I am not far enough postop to really comment on this yet.... but I just want to say that you are seriously like the funniest person I know......I LOVE when you write stuff (like food pudge *****) and this.....you are awesome.... Thanks for the smile on a dismal day :-)

I hope your days are much less dismal soon sweetie.  I remember being where you are - it is so tough early out.  I mourned food something awful because that was my way to relate to people, comfort myself, celebrate and all sorts of other things.  It is hard but you'll get through it.  I am happy I could bring a smile - that's what I'm here for . 

As I have told you before I love reading your writting and you need to write a book. I am not even two months out but my boobs have alreadt lost a cup size. I am already feeling you!