Alcohol and Friends

What do you do when you have friendships soley based on going out to bars and resturaunts? I mean you can only sit there and drink water for so long. I know it takes a ton of will power but I don't have it yet. I am so used to going out on the weekend and doing shots and drinking my captain and coke that now it is a complete 360. I know what I signed up for when I had this surgery done but it's a LOT harder than I expected.  So how do you handle friendships based on the bar scene? Do you find something else to do? A new hobby? I mean I live in Wisconsin. We eat and drink and be merry. I know that it will get better once I can eat regular foods, but what do I do right now? I don't want people to think that I don't want to go out and have a good time, it's just mentally hard right now. Any advice???  Thanks for listening to my rant. I hope everyone has a super duper day!

I've had to battle the same things that you are going through right now. This is what I have found the most helpful throughout everything thus far. I have co-workers and friends who we all use to go out after work, weekends and what not had throw shots back, and drink and be merry.  I had to sit back and look at things from a new presecptive, was I really being "Merry", was that really making me happy? After examining my own intensions of going out with them and spending money and having drinks bought for me, for what? After examining my own intensions, I found that I was looking for something to do, something to make me feel happy. And, that was not doing it. That was only intoxicating me to the point where everything was fun.  I still actually will go out to the bar scene with them, but not as much or hardly ever like I use to. Because that is not what is fun.  And, actually now looking at them all drink themselves to stupidity or "having a good time" I am like oh my goodness, these people are obnixous. Having a good time now for me doesn't mean hanging out at the bars, and going and eating.... If you look at society, everything that that we have associated with a 'fun' or 'good' time is around drinks, food and social "partying" settings.  Having a good time, is enjoying the people that you are around... Ask yourself these questions: 1) what do I gain from going out to the social settings--bar/restaruants? 2) what do I need from my friends right now? And, are they willing to make compromises for you, and your situation right now? 3) What other things can we go out and do that is not associated with food and or drinks soley. 4) If you go out can you offer to be a DD so that it is even ore helpful for you in the long run to know that you aren't drinking for two reasons;) I hope that this helps you in some sort. I am probably rambling.... But, your friends will be supportative for you... let me tell you one story. My best friend and our group of friends invited me over one night to play poker. I went over knowing that all of them would be drinking. Well, my best friend said you know it's not fair if you don't have a drink and play... I was only 2 weeks post op, so I was very surprised that my friends would entice me like this. I stood up for myself, and said you guys knew from the beginning that once I had my surgery that I would not be drinking and when you invited me over to play poker, you knew this. I will not drink, and this is while they are hold a shot glass of vodka, saying "one drink isn't gonna hurt". I had to really step back and say, you all agreed to be supportative and be here for me during my journey, and this is not being here for me. They let it go, and apologized and we played poker, me drinking a protein shake. In addition to you saying this is mentally harder than you thought.... I will definitely agree. But, I did a pro and con list and looked at it and found that mentally you have to be stronger than physically at times. And, if you tell yourself the pro's and con's in having this surgery more than likely your pro's will out do your cons. For example:       Pro to having WLS                Con to having WLS 1) Gaining control on your life     Giving up drinking 2) Achieving life long WL goals    giving up certain food      And so forth, you complete a list for yourself and you will see!! I hope this helps. If you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask!!! Good Luck! Jessica

When I went into this surgery I decided that the first year post-op would be MY year... I would myself FIRST and always first no matter what others thought about it. Do your friends know about the surgery? If so they should understand why you dont want to go out for a few months. If they dont, just explain that you are working on getting in shape and focusing on fitness and proper diet and dont want to be tempted by hanging out at bars and resturants. Over time you will be able to eat more and going to a resturant wont be a big deal... as for drinking - talk to your surgeon to see how they feel... the majority of us say to wait at least 6 months before starting to drink again. If the friendship is based on the bar scene - is it really a "friend'ship or just people you party with? If you do nothing but drink and eat then those people will still be around in a few months... more than likely you may find new people you want to hang out with instead that their lives dont revolve around food and drinking.  Again I will say this is your time and dont worry about what others think... do what is best for you because this is your time and your chance to lose weight, change your life and reach the goals you have set!