Should I just try harder?

I was talking to my parents about surgery today because I'm seeing my PCP tomorrow to ask for a referral to a surgeon...anyway, my dad basically said that I got myself into this situation and it took a long time to get here and I just need to try harder, diet harder, exercise more and I will be able to fix myself.  He says I've not tried hard enough.  He says hasn't seen me really try.  And I have to *really* try now.  (I told him about my PCOS and insulin resistance and probable infertility.) (I've tried low-fat low-cal diets about three times since middle school.  I was on Atkins and actually lost about 30 pounds in high school.  Gained it all back plus lots more.  I went on an almost-all-vegetable diet last year for a little while.  I've also done that only-eat-half-of-what-you-usually-eat thing.  I'm currently trying a whole grain, low-fat approach and I've not had any full-sugared drink for a month.  But I'm always hungry.) So after crying for a few hours, I don't know how to feel or what to do.  My own parents think I'm MO because I'm lazy and that it's my own fault and I shouldn't be looking for a quick fix.  Maybe they're right.  I don't even know what to tell the doctor tomorrow. (At the same time, I know I just busted my ass for four years at a really hard college where I walked everywhere.  I know that I've been the chubby kid since I was 5.  I know that even at that age I wondered why I was fat when I ate and did exactly what my sister did and she was perfectly normal.) What should I tell my PCP tomorrow?  Did any of you try giving it another good ol' college try one last time before having surgery?  Should I try again to get from this BMI of 46.4 to something reasonable through my own willpower?  I'm so crestfallen that my parents feel this way about me.  I don't know. Thanks to anybody who takes the time to even read this.  I really appreciate that this website exists.

I understand where you are coming from.  My mom was really supportive from the word "go"...but my grandmother butted in enough to drive anyone crazy.  I had been chubby my whole life too and no matter what diet or exercise program I tried I never lost enough weight to make my doctor happy.  I even tried one of those "in patient" weight loss centers where I stayed for almost 8 weeks, and I only lost 2 pound there.  At that time, my doctor knew that RNY would be the best option for me.  So here I am 11 months post-op and down almost 160 pounds...sometimes people cannot "just lose the weight," GBS is a tool to help you...but it is just that, a tool.   Good luck with the parents, if you need anymore advice (or you just want to rant) feel free to PM me....

Thanks.  I've read some pretty good articles about how dieting hasn't been found to be effective for sustained weight loss in obese people.  Maybe I'll try showing it to my parents to have them understand that maybe I can't "just lose the weight."  I guess I need to talk to them more.  It's hard when they seem disappointed.

Hey there... I feel your pain. I too have always stuggled with my weight. I have tried EVERY diet known to man....and too have exercised, etc... you name it... I've done it.  I had never considered this type of surgery until this past year. My weight was getting to the point of out of control. It bothers me that I way more than both of my parents and my brother.....and I could only imagine where I'd be when I'm 50 years old after having kids. It was a lot of things combined that drove me to have this surgery. The process was a very private one at first. I did not tell ANYONE that I was considering Lap Band for several months. In that time I did A LOT of research online----etc. I then made an appointment with my physician...and went in and asked her opinion. I knew that I would have to have her referrel before moving towards finding a surgeon. She was 100% for the surgery. Then came the HARD part...telling my family! My parents reaction was a lot like your's....they felt like it was a DRASTIC life changing surgery...and one that I shouldn't consider. My dad who is an avid exerciser---said that If I just went to the gym...my weight would start falling off. I know that's is not the case for me. I've tried that....and got very little to NO results. My mom just cried and thought that I wouldn't be able to do it...because i love food too much. I had to explain to them...that this was something that I was doing for myself---that It was for the well being of my future...and for my future family. I also finally broke down and said to them---that I had graduated college, that I had a successful career---and that I was 24 years old and that though I did not need their approval to go forward with this---that I did want their support. After attending the information session on the surgery..they were much more supportive. Now that I've had the surgery---they are 100% for it! They've already seen what the surgery can and will do to help change my life. My advice to you is...  1. DON'T GIVE UP 2. PRAY ABOUT IT 3. RESEARCH....RESEARCH...RESEARCH  4. INVITE YOUR PARENTS TO BE APART OF THE PROCESS WITH YOU 5. STAND STRONG IN YOUR NEEDS Best of Luck!  -Beth  

Thanks for sharing your experience.  It's reassuring to know that other people have trouble with their parents too.  I'm definitely going to try to get them more informed about obesity and WLS. I will take your advice!

You have tried and you must know by now that WLS is not a "quick fix".  I wish there were a way to pound it into people's heads that WLS is a lifetime commitment and it is not "quick" or "easy" - but it does work when you do your part.   Don't give up!!!  Talk to your primary care dr about getting a refera - keep moving forward.  You might be required to do some kind of diet (commonly a 6 months physician supervised diet) so if you really need to prove it to your folks that you tried one last time - that can be it.  Don't let them ruin this for you though - surgery is for YOU and improving YOUR life - so move forward.  I pray you will find peace with this.

I'm getting ready to go see the doctor...and I am going to ask for the referral.  Especially after everybody's encouragement here.  Thank you!

I'm with Beth.  Don't give up.  If you feel this is right for you, then it probably is.  Research your rear-end off and come up with throw-backs to every negative comment they make.  Explain the process to your surgery, which ever surgery you choose, and have them talk to the surgeon themselves.  Get a referral from your PCP.  Start the process.  It's a long process anyway, so you can always pull out of it if you get scared, or think twice.   You're an adult and you can make your own decisions.  I know it's harder without the support of your parents, but you can still move on with your life.  Once they see how well you do with your WLS, I'm sure they'll climb aboard and praise you like crazy. Best of luck!!   ((((BIG HUG))))

I have been researching but I guess I kind of just shut down when people I love and respect doubt my decisions and basically say it's all my fault and I should be able to get myself out of this mess since I got myself in it on my own. I will try to get the referral today. (I'm definitely still easing into this whole adult thing.  The past few months have been pretty difficult in that respect.  Haha.) THANK YOU!

So in case anybody was wondering, here's how my visit went: 1) The doctor kind of talked to me like I was stupid after I mentioned WLS.  She said I had to understand that it was rearranging my insides and I would have to commit myself for life to taking supplements and a lifetime of malabsorption.  And I'm so young and it's such a serious thing.  I told her I'd read a lot, but that didn't matter, apparently I'm too young to make an informed decision about this. 2) She talked to me for a while about paying attention to when what how and why I eat.  Talking about eating half a bag of chips throughout the day without even noticing and so on.  She doesn't know what I eat (or apparently didn't believe me when I told her I've been eating healthy for a while) and completely assumed that I was an emotional chip and junk food eater. 3) She ordered some bloodwork and I made an appointment in a few weeks to discuss the results. 4) She said my insurance would require that I take a weight management course.  She gave me a number to call to register for this program, I just called it and they've already begun the course and won't start another until January, by which time I'll no longer be covered by health insurance. I guess at the follow-up I'll ask her what I'm supposed to do now.  But it doesn't look good to me.