Why does everyone have an opinion?

I really hate it when I tell someone I am having this surgery and they say, "well I dont think that you should have it because so and so says that they know this many people that died from it!" Obviously death is something that can happen, I realize that.  I just hate when people do that. The way I see it is that when its your time to go its your time to go.  If god wants me to make it through the surgery then I will if not well then there is a bigger plan for me.  Dont get me wrong I dont want to die but I have no control over when I do.  I dont know what do you guys think.  According to the experts this surgery is as safe as gall bladder surgery and the biggest worrry for me is a leak because that can get serious.  I need input here....

I chose to only tell a few people I was having surgery... I didnt want to have to deal with negativity or comments such as you stated above. I wouldnt worry too much about what people say... most of what say comes from lack of education. You are making the decision to have surgery and should be well aware of the risks.. their 2 cents shouldnt matter!

Yes the same thing happens to me, But I normally get the speel about how it should be a "last Resort"  Well it IS my last resort and hopefully I won't have to try anything else to lose weight.  Its not like I just gained all the weight over night and decided the next day to get surgery. Trust if I didn't NEED or HAVE to Have this surgery I wouldn't... But after so many failed attempts at weight loss since Childhood I think its only fair to myself.

This is a topic that comes up ALL THE TIME here on OH! So many people have to deal with these kind of reactions. I was lucky in that I pretty much told everybody I knew about it and everybody pretty much was supportive. My mom was a little bit worried about it, but I sent her to the Duke WLS center website and she did her homework on the surgery and then came around. If you do some searching on this site you will find so many great responses with insight on this topic. Just today this topic was discussed on the Men's Forum. Here is the thread: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/men/action,replies/board_i d,5479/cat_id,5079/topic_id,3337812/a,messageboard/ My favorite response came from Greg (HePaid4That): Hi Dale, you hit the nail right on the head.  You can't tell but a few very close friends and maybe some immediate family members that you are having the surgery....you tell them AFTER.  The other way is to say.... If my issue that was killing me was cancer, would you say the same thing if I was getting chemo?  If they say, "Yes, but you did it to yourself" then you say, "OK, what if it is lung cancer from smoking, is it wrong to get chemo or do what will save your life?  If your heart is failing, is it wrong to get on the donor list?  The arguments are absurd. Another thing.  You just say,  1) Probability of me dying prematurely without or having serious complications surgery ?  100% 2) Probability of serious complications and dying at a center for excellence in WLS today? .2% But you are better off not saying anything.   Just show them on the other side of surgery.  So sorry you are going through all this. Greg

Outside opinions DO NOT matter.  That is just what I have had to realize.  I basically told everyone close to me and it spread from there - and now if anyone asks how I lost 150 pounds I just tell them.  The way I respond to negativity (which has only happened to me a handful of times) is "I don't need to justify my decision to you, thanks for your concern." - and then I live my life happily and am successful - that is the best come back.  Do not concern yourself with what others think - they are probably sharing their opinions with you out of genuine concern, and that is nice that they care, but this is your decision and your life - so thank them for caring, but that is all the arguing you want to do about it.

Hello, I had the same thing happen to me. I did not tell anyone that I was even thinking about getting the surgery except my parents, and it remained quiet up until I got the approval letter from the insurance company and I swear it was like 30 minutes later then WHOLE family knew. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, their friends, it was amazing how fast everyone knew. I then got a lot of negativity, it got me down a little bit but I knew this was the best decision for me and my health. I got a call from my one aunt who ALWAYS has to put her two cents of negativity in. She told me that she thought that I should really re-think about this, that she thinks that I can lose it on my own and that I never really tried to lose it on my own. She ALWAYS is hurtful. I just listened to her and told her that I have already scheduled a date for that Friday or so and I was going to go through with it. A few weeks later, when you could start to really tell that I was dropping a lot of weight she was still a little hard on me but was a little more excepting. A few months post op I went to go see her in her office (she works at the school I went to) and she just got a huge smile on her face and told me how great I looked and she couldnt believe it, she now understood that it was the best decision I made reguarding my health. Then she said something to me I will never forget: " I had a young lady come in today for an appointment, she was larger and just walking back to the table she was out of breath and she looked very uncomfortable in the chair. I just wanted to tell her about you and that you made the decision to have gastric bypass and if she could just see you now. I am so proud of you!" That made me feel so good, one of the best things I have every felt, all my life she has always been hard on me always kind of putting me down no matter what it was. Now, after I had the surgery and showed her it was not always bad, and after I graduated with an associate's degree in accounting, nothing but good things come out of her mouth. We are closer then ever. So basically what I am saying, Just hang in there they will come around, and if not, thats their loss, you need to do what you feel is right for you.

Girl, stick with your heart.  You're doing the right thing as long as you feel it's the right thing.  Everyone's going to put in their 2 cents, but try to ignore it.  Just be confident in your decision and confident in yourself.  You know what's right for you.

Thanks I really like your message its short and to the point and you are exactly right.