Advice for my non-existant love life?!

So I've been single forever and a day!  Don't get me wrong, I'm a happy single person and I'm ok being single, no one to answer to, I can do what I want when I want, I can leave my clothes on the floor, I can go out with friends....but I'm 26 and really at a point in my life that I want to find someone and have no idea how to start looking.  So I'm jumping in and doing the whole match.com thing.....a little unsure of it but I don't know where else to meet anyone.  It's not like my friends have any eligible bachelor friends, and I don't go out on the town too often so I'm not going to meet anyone that way. I've lost about 1/3 or my weight so far so of course I'm feeling better and more confident but still have around 80# to go....so at the same time I tell myself to not even bother looking until I've lost another 40# or so.  I'm sure I'd be more likely to find someone easier that way because lets face it, looks do matter...especially as a first impression.  Sure I've got the "pretty face" or so people tell me. So I already got a few guys to email me about my profile....yeah...I look at theirs and think "they're way too hot for me"...and then I'm of course disappointed...why did I try this dating site crap?  Of course I'm not into posting pics because I'm not comfortable with that, but next step is..."hey, ya got any pics you can send" of course I do and will....and of course I've got weight to lose...but a part of me wants to shout...I'm losing weight..I lost 10# last month and won't be fat forever!  Like, I would love to say I have this tool and will lose weight, I'm not a lazy slob.  When do I tell about surgery(I had lap band) or do I not tell. Is there anyone out there that has had this experience and has any thoughts?!  Maybe I should just cancel my dumb profile and wait?! This is hard, I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard spot.....not sure what to do because I know that the right guy is out there but lately feel like I really wish I'd find him sooner than later. Thanks in advance, malia

I have a friend who had RNY and is a single mom. She was scarred to put herself out there as well. BUT she created a Myspace page did a search for the age, religion, non smoking type she was looking for and now has had a date (w different guys) almost every week. Shes not looking for anything serious but wanted to get out there and see what was there. She still has about 60 lbs to go reach goal but is out having fun. I hope this helps, Shaundra

I thought about what you posted a little bit and I think it is a good idea to get yourself out there sooner then later. I think match.com is a good way to go to. My best friend is single and has tired a eharmony with little success and for the last few months he has been active on match.com and his been on at least a dozen first dates since then. I actually met my wife eight years ago on digitalcities which I think has since been absorbed by match.com...I say sooner then later because I think you will find a more genuine match - soemone who is into you for who you are not what you look like - in the long run thats the kind of person I would think you probably would rather wind up with. As far as all the questions about pics, and whether or not to tell him you have had the surgery and are still losing? I think the easiest thing to do is just be as upfront as possible, just like girls, uys hate being misled too. Start things out on the right foot and you'll have a solid foundation. If your curent weight or obese past scares him away then is that really someone you want to be with anyway....so what if  it weeds out a lot of the guys that are responding, you want the person you're going to wind up with to be genuine don't you?....Anyway, good luck with it and also remember their is an active singles forum here on OH too...though I've heard there aren't enough eligible men to go around in there!

When I decided to have RNY I decided that my frist year post-op would be MY year... I would worry about ME and only ME and focus on what I needed to do to be successful. For me, a realtionship wouldnt fit into the picture... sure I have dated some but nothing serious... I am still going thru many changes and just dont see how a brand new relationship could handle. Plus I am enjoying being single... going out... doing whatever I want and not having to worry about a boyfriend!  Another thing Ive found... the more weight I lose, the more confident I get and the more my taste in men change. Almost like you said above "they are too hot for me"... well the ones I use to think were too hot are now not good enough - hahah!! Its not just because Ive changed physically... I have done a lot of work mentally... and also worked towards a lot of goals (work wise, saving money etc) so all around I am 110% better than I was a year ago in more ways than one! I dont think you should cancel... it doesnt hurt to look... you could go on a few dates have some fun and just figure it out as you go along. I have a personal on yahoo and enjoy chatting with the guys... if it leads somewhere it does, if not I could care a less!

i say keep the profile! it's hard meeting people these days! I think if you go out there without the intentions of getting into a relationship and go with the intentions of just having a good time, something is bound to happen! good luck and keep us posted!

Well, here's my 2 cents. I spent my entire life fat and unhappy.  I would ALWAYS pass up doing things/activities/etc because I was "too fat" and I would wait until I'd "lost the weight" to try something.  Don't let life pass you by.  Some men on match.com might think you are still too large for them.  That's ok.  Some men on match.com might think you are the hottest girl alive.  That's even better :)  Do what makes YOU happy.  What's the worst that can happen? Someone can reject you?  But what's the worst that can happen if you don't put yourself out there? Good guys exist out there. I know this, because I just snagged one on e-Harmony.  Granted, I'm at my goal weight, and it wasn't until JUST recently that I shared the whole "I used to be fat" story with him.  But he didn't care.  He likes me for who I am now and for how I treat him. To answer your question regarding when do you tell about your lap band surgery?  I would wait until you feel comfortable enough opening up to the guy and sharing that personal information about yourself.  there's no need to share the info on every first date (in my opinion). Sorry this post was such a rambling mess!  I guess my main point is that you need to get out there and experience all life has to offer!  Wouldn't you rather try, then spend the next x months trying to lose your 40 lbs until you think you will be comfortable enough to date?  Now log onto match.com right now and start emailing those hotties you think are too cute for you! :)

Thank you for this message!  It really helps to hear other people's stories and opinions on dating. And congratulations on finding a good man for yourself!! I've already let a lot of life pass by me, but I'm still young and have a lot of years to go so I can still grab on before it's too late! 

I also wanted to add....for the record- I dated during my entire weight loss process.  I had a boyfriend at 290 lbs, and casually dated a number of different men until just recently when I met my current boyfriend (at goal of 160 lbs).  I truly, truly, truly believe that women care about their own weights more than men care about a woman's weight.  Yes, there are ******** out there that only want skinny barbies....but any good man worthy of your time will see you, ALL of you, and not just think of you in terms of your weight on a scale. Enjoy all your future dates! :)