Hubby says I'm too young?!?!

Hello 20's forum~ Hi my name is Stephanie, I'm fairly new to OH in general and am still kinda figuring things out here... I'm also just starting my journey to WLS and when I told my hubby of of 8 mos. that I was seriously looking into this he rolled his eyes and told me I'm too young!!  He said, "oh just try that (insert diet trend of the week here) and go to the gym and you'll be fine." RIGHT cuz that worked the last 20 gazillion times, right? I was shocked. My jaw dropped and a could only just stare at him. Un-FREAKING-believable. AAARRGGGG!!!!  Who is this man, and where is the man I married?? Anyone else here have problems with spouses and family members telling you you're too young? How did you deal?  Seriously! Do they they think I'm gonna say, "Oh, ok you're right, I'll wait till I'm OLD and the best years fo my life are OVER, to make my life better."  un-FREAKIN-believable. Sorry had to vent and figured this would be the place to do so!

Hi Stephanie, I'm sure your husband loves you, but that is just ridiculous.  I'm 27 and my surgery is next week, and I have a friend on my page who had her surgery when she was 20.  This surgery is not based on age - it's based on your health.  If your BMI is too high and you have co-morbidities that put you at risk, then your doctor may recommend this surgery for you.  My surgeon made it very clear that your health is not something to mess around with.  Why wait until you are older and have irreversible, seriously dangerous health conditions when they could've been preventable by having the surgery at a younger age?  As my husband put it, "If it was riskier for you to have the surgery than to continue to live the way you are, he would not have recommended it."  My suspicion is that your husband does not understand the surgery and what it can do to improve the quality of your life. Maybe he hasn't done the research to learn how it is nearly impossible to for your body to let go of being overweight once you pass a certain point.  Or, perhaps, he is unsure of the ways it will change you as a person and is afraid to lose the woman he knows.  Whatever the reason may be for him not understanding your desire for surgery, I suggest you BOTH go TOGETHER to a local support group for people who are looking to have and have had weight loss surgery.  Even if you decide this is not the route for you, you can learn so much from the other people who attend.  The people I have met at group have been amazingly supportive and I have learned so much from them. I wish you all the luck in the world that you will be able to lose the weight you want to lose and that your husband will be supportive, no matter what your choice is in how you go about attaining that.  Please let me know if I can help you in any way -- we all need a support SYSTEM not just one person to lean on. -- Rebekah

I am also 27, with a BMI around 48 and Hubby says he loves me the way I am and that I shouldn't take "such drastic measures" to change the way I look. Which pretty much tells me he doesn't fully understand the reasons why I'm looking into WLS so seriously. I'll be giving him the speech as soon as I feel he'll be receptive to it. I just hope he understands that I'm doing this for ME (and us, in the long run), and I may do it even though he doesn't 100% approve.

My father had gastric bypass surgery in the early 90's, his mom, (my grandmother) had a similar bypass procedure a few years later, Dad's brother and one of his kids, his sister and both of her kids ALL NEEDED WLS!! Anyone else noticing a trend here......

Actually the trend is hypothyroidism. My levels have been "normal" for over 6 mos w/meds, and I have not been able to lose any more weight than when I was not on meds.

I've known that I may need this surgery since I was teenager. We're not quite ready for kids yet, so I'm thinking the time to do this is now. If I give myself two years to hit goal, we should be finacially able handle a baby by then.

 

Stephanie, It sounds like you have your motivation and priorities in order. I totally agree with everything said in the previous post. Especially the part about bringing your husband to a support group or seminar. There is a video I found on this site that may be helpful too, the link is below http://www.healthology.biz/hybrid-player/hybrid-autodetect.asp?b=obesityhelp&f=wlso&c=webisode_myths I am 28 and just had surgery 2 and half months ago, I wish I had it 1 year earlier because I ruined my back last summer and now suffer from chronic severe pain that may never go away. Why wait for something like that to happen?

I have my surgeon's informational meeting this Thursday, but since he doesn't think I should do this, he doesn't want to go! Not to mention he balks at the $20 materials fee the office charges for the meeting. I personally don't think 20 bucks is too bad for the information I'll be getting. (or hopefully getting.....) I made the mistake of suggesting that we get it done together, since his BMI has got to be above 40 and he's hypoglyclemic (sp).

The rest of my family is supportive. Of course, half of them have had it already! :p

I'll have to check out that video when I can get to a comuter with speakers!!! LOL. My employer frowns on giving out speakers for their computers. (I work 2nd shift)

Hi Girly, My situation was a bit different My husband as of 3/30/07 was very supportive, he is that natually thin even though he eats everything in sight type. So I was quite surprised when I mentioned to him that I wanted to get the lap-band surgery he wanted more info on it but he was behind me 100 percent. Of course it helped that his insurance pays and paid 100 percent of it. On the other hand my family was not supportive of WLS many of them are the athletic type with  muscular builds, they dont understand why I cant just go to the gym and loose the weight. So, I started the process and didnt keep them updated. I finally told my mother that I was going in for the surgury about 1 week prior, to it, she was surprised and dissapointed but I just told her that it is my body an my choice, if it were her decision I would be behind her. So I know it may be difficult to do that with your husband so the only think I can suggest is to try and help him understand. I have only lost 25 pounds and I have never felt better. Good luck!!!

Wow.. I'm sorry to hear that.. I was 18 when I had my surgery. I'm 20 now.. I'm two years post-op as of 15 June 2007 .. yesterday!! Like the others.. it's not based on age. If you're really committed to wanting the surgery for a life long change.. then get the information.. find your surgeon and go for it! All Best of luck to you!!

Well, All the advice I can give you is that  A) ultimately what you are doing is for YOURSELF and nobody else. There will be pleanty of folks out there who tell you it is the wrong thing to do. Some out of ignorance and some out of their own motives. Best you can do with that is try to educate those who you care about and ignore the rest. I had a couple people who were all against the surgery, but 9 months and 109 lbs later, they are now asking me my surgeon's name. The results have spoken volumes to the nay-sayers  B) the longer you wait the more damange is done. Your decision to move forward while you are young is a wise idea. There are a million folks on this site who will tell you they only wish they knew about the surgery and went through with it sooner. The longer you wait, the more weight you will have to loose and  the more stress your body will go through. If you have truly tried the standard method and were not sucessful, move forward. BTW... $20 is no big deal, I paid $150 just to have my file reviewed to see if the surgeon would take me on as a patient.  Best of luck to you in what ever you decide.

It's your health & your life!!!  =O)

Hi Stephanie,    I am 25 and married as well.  My husband supports me 100% although he doesnt think I "need" the surgery.  He is in agreement that good diet and exercise can work...he is also 130lbs so he has no idea what it is like. BUT he does support me, because he knows what is important.  I attempted to have this surgery when I was 20 but the SURGEON told me I was TOO young, that I can handle..but no way in hell would I let anyone else make that decision for me.  This is a life long decision...you may be young, but it will better the rest of your life, both of your lives!!  For me, my husband loves to hike, he hikes Mt Washington every year with my EIGHT YEAR OLD, and wouldnt they love for me to go?  Join in on that special day?  Ya right...no way