New BF and upcoming WLS = Drama?

My boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months and I told him last week that I am having LAP RNY on the 29th of this month. While I've been in the process of WLS since before we met, I waited until I was approved by my insurance and scheduled to tell him--mostly because talking to him about it would have been rather uncomfortable. Telling him went better than I thought. He was supportive, though I think he likes me for me, not body, etc. However, what's going to happen after the surgery when I lose weight? Will my body be less attractive to him? Is there anything I can do now to prepare him (or me) for the relationship side effects of WLS? I mean, going out to eat will be different. I can't imagine going out to eat with someone and them barely eating while I had a normal sized meal. It would make me uncomfortable, i guess. Anyway, just wondering if anyone had been there. I know no one can predict what  absolutely will happen, but I am just kinda scared. Rachel

I'm kinda in the same boat.  I'm in a new relationship too and I am afraid of whats to come.  My mom just had the surgery a month ago and her husband isn't adjusting to well the their whole new lifestyle.  Its kinda scary to think the ones who are supposed to love you the most can be unsupportive. Nikki

actually, this is a pretty common concern. over my 1.5 year journey i've read many a similar post. let's see if i can summarize the points older and wiser people have made before me. 1. yes, this may affect your relationship dynamics. but only if you let it. be aware that the changes you go through may make your partner a little insecure but that's where the constant communication that you've developed over the last 6 months comes into play. keep in touch with eachother and just about every issue can be handled with maturity. 2. expect, ask for and welcome his support! it's a tough process and you'll need a cheering section! 3. you'll probably end up looking more like society's expectations for beauty so i imagine you'll be percieved as "hotter" with the resulting weight loss, not less attractive. this may inspire some feelings of jealousy as you'll be noticed more often as a sex object and not just your radical wit. be aware of these changes, enjoy them (if you are into that sort of thing) but don't let them rule your life. 4. dating strategies - when dining out wasn't the focus of my dates with my boyfriend (fiance now, hee-hee!) we made other plans like urban explorations, hiking, beach combing, movie watching, shopping dates instead of dinner dates. it was almost easier (and cheaper!) to eat at home before we went out. which left money for some really fun activiites like amusement parks and snowboarding! but don't worry, you'll be able to eat and enjoy a meal too. just maybe not as much as you ate before. in the beginning, i sipped soup for a good 45 min. while my dining partners inhaled an entree and everyone still had fun. you'll mourn the loss of food but you'll quickly find other things to enjoy about life! you may actually start to get a little grossed out by the shear volume of food people pack away (even skinny ones!)  5. don't fear change. this surgery might change your personality. not a lot but maybe just a little. with the increased sense of self confidence, you may enjoy things you never thought possible. embrace that aspect of WLS and don't try to keep yourself from blossoming into the amazing butterfly that you are posed to become! and if, by any chance, it turns out that the relationship you thought was soo amazing pre-surgery isn't what you need after-weight loss, then that's okay too. it's all part of growing up, right? enjoy the experience and celebrate your triumphs and changes! keep us posted on all that happens! good luck, kari

Thank you. Those are good tips. I think i will be able to handle whatever happens, but I am a big type-A kind of person, so I always want to know what to expect. I hate surprises.  Congratulations on your fiance' and your weight loss. I'm 26 days away from surgery and am really looking forward to it. Rachel

Thank you SO much for your reply...this was extremely helpful to me as well.  My fiance and I have been together for 2 yrs now, and are actually postponing our wedding for a year or so because of the surgery since health comes first :-)   I've had a lot of people who are postop tell me that I shouldn't be surprised if our relationship doesn't make it because he may start to get jealous or whatever...so it was nice to read your story in which you are now ENGAGED!  Congrats by the way :-) Thanks

The biggest thing i have encountered are friends and family asking me "does this bother you?" as they inhale their dessert.  and honestly it doesn't.  sometimes when thouse craving**** i will ask to smell it.  i'm serious.  and that completely takes care of my craving.  but i haven't had anyone, bf, friends, family seem uncomfortable when we go out to eat.  (except my mother but that is to be expected lol).  people seem more concerned about not offending me or making sure *I* am comfortable.  

When I had my surgery my then boyfriend and I were only together for about 4 months.  I waited to tell him about the surgery untill about a month before it.    It kind of shocked him  but he was supportive and said,   as long as it would make me happy.........    Since then we got married and live a great life together.   He treats me like a princess and always puts me first.    He got use to seeing me not eat,  and pick instead.  He just knows that I cant and that its not me trying to starve myself.    I guess my point is that,  if he loves you and cares about you then he will support you and understand what you are going through.   Yes  its hard sometimes for me,   I now get  A TON of attention from men that I never got before,  and my mind wonders and thinks sometimes that it would be nice to be able to act of that,   but my husband has proved over and over again that i made the right choice.   If your man doesnt understand and support you then move on.   GOOD luck  michelle start 250 current 155 goal  130

Well on the other end of the spectrum............When ever I go out on dates with girls they are usally freaked out by how little I eat.....or they notice me playing with the food moving it around and then they try to get all shy and say something like " I feel like a pig eating so much" like they are more mindful of how much they are eating......... Thats happened with two girls already.........My family and friends dont care so much its like there over it  intially they were shocked but its all blah now.