Social Life...

Hi...I am new :) I am set to have surgery in just 8 days....anyhow I have a few questions for those of you who are single. What has it been like after surgery??? I have always been social and even date quite a bit now, but I am a little nervous about how I will feel after having the weight off. I have always been overweight and it seems that anytime someone has rejected me that has been my convient reason as to why. Intellectually, I know that probably wasn't alway the reason. It just seems like it is going to be a big change. Also, I was wondering, what did you tell your friends??? Thus far I haven't told them. My family, of course knows, and they are supportive. I just didn't feel like it was any of my friends business. Let me know what you guys think !!!

First of all, congratulations on your surgery date! I am not single, but as for telling your friends, here's what I did. I am about 11 days Post Op and I only told a few close friends and asked them not to tell anyone else. Also, my immediate family members knewbefore the surgery, but my extended family still does not. I don't know if I will tell them in the future or not, but I wanted the least amount of people to know BEFORE the surgery so that there was less of a risk of people trying to talk me out of it, or of having to deal with comments like 'I have a friend who knows someone who died after having that surgery' or 'you really don't need it, you're such a pretty girl' or 'I'm really scared for you, what if you don't make it'. I just didn't want or need other people's stress to deal with on top of my own. Plus of course as you know, there is still a stigma attached to this surgery that it's the 'easy way out', 'we should have just dieted and exercised the weight off' (as if we haven't tried that for all our lives!) and I don't know about anyone else who's had the surgery would attest, but it's NOT easy! I think though that as time goes on and the weight comes off a little more, I won't be as afraid to tell more people whom I trust, because then they will have to bite their tongue on the death topic at least!! Anyway, good luck and if you would like, I have been posting most everyday since my surgery on my profile about things I have been experiencing, eating, etc. So if you're wondering if something is normal or not, maybe that can help! Hope your surgery is uneventful and that your recovery is fast! Kelly

Friends - I told a few close friends that I care about. I havent told many people about my surgery. Not that I am ashamed I just didnt want to be judged or have people say "are you suppose to eat that?!?!" etc. I told only people I knew who would be supportive of me and who would truely be happy for me! Dating... I am with you for being rejected for weight.... its a great excuse! I a, down to 186lbs. Sometimes I go out and feel like a hot mama and that I look "normal"... othertimes a guy is talking to me and I feel like hes just being nice or thinks Im easy because Im a "fat chick". Its hard to get out of that mentality since its all Ive known my whole life. Another thing I am nervous about is any man seeing me naked! I look decent with my clothes on but naked is a whole different story! I am very greatful to have lost weight but its hard to see myself in the mirror and still not be happy with the way I look. My stomach is still huge and I just die to think that some guy would see it! Im sure it wouldnt be a big deal to them but you know how that stuff goes!!! I havent met anybody serious yet but think a guy Ive hung out with a few times is getting ready to go that way. I am now debtaing if and when to tell him about the surgery.

Well...i would say that you are under no obligation to inform your friends, collegues, or students about the decison that you made to have WLS. It is a personal decision and you made it with the best judgement that you have and you do not need to worry about anyone else's opinion on whether or not it was a good idea. When you begin to lose weight you will notice that it will probably take a significant amount of change before anyone notices. Because we are bigger to start with, often times it takes a bigger start before anyone says anything. I remember that I was like 30-50 pounds down when people started feeling like they could say, "you look nice" or make a comment about it appearing that I have lost weight. Once it gets to that you can choose whether to tell them that you had surgery or that you are just eating less and working out more (which you should be doing...so it isn't a lie). From personal experience the whole social thing has been a bit difficult for me. I have always been pretty social also, but once I lost a significant amount of weight, once my confidence was higher and the people around me could tell, then the social invitations really started to come in. It has been difficult for me as a college student to manage my time with all of this and my studies. I have thouroughly enjoyed all of the social things that I am doing now and I love the feeling that I get from feeling like I am really a part of the group as opposed to feeling like I am someone that the group felt like the should invite. Good luck with your surgery!

Kaylyn, Lets just say that you and I are very similar in the way that we interact socially. I am 4 months post-op now, but regardless of my weight I partied my butt off and I had a good time. I never settled when it came to the guys that I dated, so I can't say that I dated that often though. I can empathize with the posters above, it is very difficult to find a man that appreciates a "thick" woman. I will start by saying that I have always appreciated my body, and when it came time to show it to someone intimately I had no problem. But that was because I was comfortable with that person, and I was comfortable with myself. You will receive so much attention after you begin losing your weight. Once I got over the resentment (thinking "would any of you be looking at me if i were 50lbs heavier?" ) I began to enjoy the attention. I just find that I am more careful when it comes to who I am willing to give my time to, because I know when someone is being genuine or not. I recently just got into my first serious relationship since my surgery. I will be honest with you, I told him on the very first date about my surgery. There is alot more to worry about if you decide to avoid the topic. For example: We went to dinner and a movie....Obviously I couldn't eat that much, and I couldn't drink while I was eating. Also, I couldn't have desert or anything with sugar. There are factors of this surgery that your partner will need to be aware of, and I've found that it is more of a pain not to tell them. Plus, if something like the surgery is going to scare them off, then it wasn't meant to be anyways. His response to the surgery was "Are you ok?"..And he wanted to know everything about it. Now whenever we go out to eat, he always asks for a to go box or we split a meal and he feeds me. I'll be honest with you, I was waiting for him to freak out. (I don't really know why,but I guess you expect the worst). He actually told me that he was amazed at how honest I was with him, and he found it refreshing. He told me that he was alittle dissapointed that I was going to lose more weight, because I wasn't as thick as the girls that he usually dates. (He is latin by the way..lol) ... As for being intimate, I am so much more comfortable with myself. I feel that I am worth so much more. I made this guy wait longer that usual before I became intimate with him, because I knew If he really cared for me that he would wait. And I felt that I was worth the wait, and I wasn't worried about losing him. I figured if he wasn't willing to wait for me, then he wasn't worth my time. And trust me, he is worth my time..lol ... Okay, so the point of my story is: Be honest, and open. Respect yourself, and remember that you are doing this surgery for you and no one else! Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Good luck, and enjoy every minute of the good times to come. I know I am!!