Relationship question for the ladies!

I have a few questions for the ladies out there who started this journey single. How did guys treat you before your surgery and how did that change after surgery? How did you deal with the social changes and growing attention? Where you able to form a healthy relationship eventually or are you still enjoying the single life? Did you ever feel bitter or bad that guys were giving you attention that maybe would never speak to you before? Im not in this to get guys or anything but it is a topic that bothers me a bit and everytime I bring it up people just hush me and say that I shouldn't be worried about guys and I should do this for myself. I AM DOING IT FOR MYSELF...but social relations with the opposite sex are a part of life and I dont feel like the subject should seem so taboo. Has anyone else ever had that experience either? I keep getting shot down with this topic. Its not most important, but I wonder about it. And most of my WLS buddies are married so I can only talk to them about this limited. I know that everyone is different but Im just looking to see what others around my age have gone through. Anything you can tell me would help. Im in desperate need for some serious girl talk! haha Thanks girls!! Infinite x's & o's!! Happy Holidays!!!! Angela

When I had my psych eval that was a big topic of conversation. They wanted to make sure that I would be prepared. Not only from the attention It got me from Men but woman as well, Not sexual of coarse. But you get alot of "Oh you look so good....." and so on and so forth. At first its fabulous, but then it gets to be alittle imbarassing. Now as far as men where conceirned, I didnt see much of a differance when It came to perfect strangers. Okay Ive noticed a couple of dudes getting an eye full every once in a while but when I go out....It hasnt really changed. Where the big differance in my life when it comes to men are the men who have been in my life for a while. I actually had a male room mate when I had the WLS he was very suportive but he didnt want to commit. Then a few pounds down the road his friends started wanting to spend a whole lot more time with me...hmmmm anyhooters it was a big slap in the face for my room mate and his friends when I committed to my now fiance and father of my 4 month old daughter that had been in my life for about 5 years.... Just make sure if you decide to take advatage of the prime opertunity of the attention that you WILL get you protect your self. Your heart and your body! 19 months out 298 to start 158 current 30 to go.... -Beth

I'm very interested in the replies also, I am single, almost 30, and wonder the same things. How do you deal with people treating you differently after surgery, when you are no longer invisible?

Thank you!! I was starting to think I was insane and I was the only one thinking this. Hopefully someone replies with something interesting! =)

Not insane at all! When I think about how different my life will be I always imagine the social aspect. Part of that is men...no way around it. Since society is soooo concerned with physical attractiveness I wonder about the quality of men I attract now and how that will change after I meet my goals.

I am in a relationship with my BF for almost 4 years. I am not a girl to hang out with other females. I can't stand the kattyness between them and the back stabbing. My immediate group of friends that I hang out with on a regular basis consist of my BF, and two other guy friends that were friends with my BF before me. Well one of the guy friends looks at me completely different now. *And he likes big girls* He cane over yesterday before we all went to the mall and I had on a "wife beater" and a pair of pj pants. He is like "Damn Chanel you are looking to hot you have lost so much weight" And is always like touchy feely with me now. It is uncomfortable and it seems like it is pissy my BF off. I was also in the mall yesterday and had a guy come up to me and ask me for my number. It ia very weird to have people tell me I look hot and ask me for my number. Just take each thing or each guy which comes up to you ask flattery.

I'm not in my 20's, I'm almost 50 (well, about 15 months away.) I don't blame you for asking this question-I'd wonder the same thing if I were single. I didn't get married until I was 45 though, so I have a lot of years experience at both being skinny (earlier on) and fat. At one time I weighed only 128 (at 5 feet 7 inches) when I was just out of college. I got attention that I didn't know how to handle then. I think the weight gain after that was part of my self protection, actually. Gain weight and guys pretty much let you alone. I married my husband when I was almost 300 lbs. He never cared what my weight was, just cared for me right from the beginning. Now that I'm losing, he is the best supporter anyone could ask for. And I KNOW he loves me no matter what. I'll never have to be one of the women who wonder if their husband will leave them if they gain weight. He married me at just about my worst weight so I know he is around for life. As for your original question, I wish I could help more. I'm just starting to blend in with society again and not be the fattest woman in the room anymore. I'm already married and I'm a lot older, so I don't think I'll have to get used to more attention from men! Ha! It is a little weird when women point out I've lost weight (no kidding!) and that they think I look good, though. It's been a long time since I've had that positive feedback from people. I still have 80+ pounds to go, too. I wonder what life will be like when (if) I ever hit my goal weight? Good luck with your WLS journey... there's so much to learn along the way.

Thanks for your response, it was encouraging. And you WILL reach goal. Have a happy holiday! Hugs

I had surgery almost four months ago. I haven't been on a date in I couldn't tell you how long......prolly since before I gained so much weight. Yep, that sounds right. Anyway, I'm down 68 lbs now, and starting to look good. To be honest with you, I don't know how to handle all the attention. I've never been able to take compliments because I always felt they were just "pity compliments." You know, try to make the fat girl feel better. Anyway, I haven't gotten a whole lot of attention from perfect strangers, because I usually run the other way when I notice a guy "checkin me out." I'm very interested to hear others' replies on this subject because I would one day like to have a "normal" relationship with a member of the opposite sex...LOL. Any advice on how to get rid of what I call the fat-girl-syndrome?

I actually had this discussion with my mother before I had the surgery.I just recently got out of a 5 year relationship(Not because of WLS).After I had surgery and started losing weight,I also had a chemical peel and was back to wearing heels and cute dresses,I noticed that people that people that I knew and who did not pay me any attention before were now my new best friends.For me,the attention doesn't bother me,I take it with a grain of salt.I'm a out-going person anyway,so I always grabbed attention anyway.But for the guys that wasn't interested before the surgery,I'm not interested now.But I will say if you meet a new guy who likes you,there is no need to inform that you used to be overweight and had surgery,TMI.I noticed friends who have met new guys quickly share their WLS info and I don't understand why,its not like we run out to tell a guy that we had our appendix or tonsils taken out