Has anybody else been accused of being selfish?

It seems like I'm encountering quite a bit of attitude lately when I tell people about my upcoming surgery, and today somebody hit the nail on the head in an argument. Basically, they think I'm selfi****he arguments I've heard over and over again (as probably many of you have,) are "You're young still"; "there's nothing really wrong with you yet!" (I always respond, yeah, YET!) and "You don't need surgery!" But what they're really telling me is, "you're selfish to have this surgery before it's your last resort." Why is it such a crime to take preventative action? I had a health scare recently that started me on the road to wls, even though I'm (fairly) young and don't have significant co-morbs. I'm trying to save the REST of my life! I don't want my constant knee pain and crackling to become arthritis or require knee surgery. I don't want to try and fail at countless more diets than I've already done in the past 10 years. I don't want my blood pressure to be any higher than it already is. I don't want to deal with the aftermath of being a health trainwreck; I want to stop that train from leaving the station! So I ask you, fellow twenty-somethings; have you encountered this too? Or am I just a freak who doesn't deserve this surgery?

I got it all the time too..I would always get the comment.."oh your not big enough for that surgery" and I always say "to qualify you need to be 100 or more pounds overweight...I DEFINETELY QUALIFY" that usually shuts them up, in the end, it is my body and my life no one else will live my life for me so I have to do what I feel is necessary.

I'm getting the selfish thing now... I'm 10 mos post op. I didn't tell many about my surgery before... but now, I'm doing more than I ever did. I have a life... I have a boyfriend (1st ever! )... I work... I go to school... Whenever I do something for me, I'm being accused of being selfish and only thinking of myself. I never did anything for me before, so I guess people aren't accustomed to it.. but geeze people! LAY OFF he he. You are NOT a freak, and definately deserve this life saving surgery. Good luck chickadee!

ooo, i also think that it's part of the self-denial that others go through. if you're qualified for the surgery and taking active steps to improve your health, they are forced to consider their own state of health. it's not something that everyone wants to admit/deal with/etc. if they've looked to you to be their anchor (in that "at least i'm not as bad as *she* is) and you change, then they might be the fat/unhealthy one in the friendship. and that can be threatening and difficult to work though. the good news is, it's not coming across in the best way but they are concerned for you and expressing their fears *for* you. and friends that care - enough to question your decisions, are rare. most people wouldn't question a friend's actions. so if you can, try to see it from that angle. and most people that i've watched go through this find their friends very supportive through the process, even if it takes them a while to warm up to the idea. and everyone will be so impressed with the changes you'll go through, you'll probably inspire others to take better care of themselves too! best of luck, kari

Thanks for the insight; that makes a lot of sense!

First, let me say good luck and I wish you the quickest recovery. Personally, I have encountered a mixture of reactions. Some say way to go, we'll support you, etc. Most of my family and co workers in fact. Others look at me like I'm too lazy to go on a diet or try to exercise. Those people don't understand that I have other problems that keep me from losing weight like them. They can't look at me and see the list of issues I battle with every day. A few others, like my father for example, was supportive of the surgery ONLY after I tried other options first. When I originally told him about it, he was pretty upset. So as I waited on my insurance to do their thing, I did try medicine, a nutrionist, etc. When I was denied, and the other options didn't work, then surgery was the only way to go. And he, and others, understand that, and have joined the first group of "we'll do whatever we can to help you recover." I sure hope that you don't believe you are selfish or anything like that. If the doctors didn't think you were right for the surgery, they wouldn't get you through the program. I know I've had to work with my primary care doc, the surgeon, his staff, and other specialists who have all discussed my options and the risks with me. Good luck to you and keep us posted! Kat

Funny thing is that half-way across this country (i'm in NJ) people have the same mind-set. I went through exactly the same thing. I got some very positive resposes to my chose but then there were also the negs. ("You're too young.", etc.) If YOU KNOW this is something you want to do, DO IT! You're gonna get these negs. all the time (not too many but they are there). You'll also get the horrifying stories of someone they "know" who died, or got really sick. I found one statement that works for me "If you're not going to tell me anything good, please keep your comments to your yourself." (Not in a mean way though.) That gets to the point. I just got tired of people telling me negative things. You know the pros and cons of this surgery. It's your life. Good luck with everything! And try not to let those neg people bother you. Chrys

One of my girlfriends had the nerve to say "I considered the surgery, but I can't risk dying since I have a family & children." Geez - thanks! I think for her, it's jealousy - - we won't be able to eat out together the way we did. People at work seemed really supportive, it was friends & family who, I think, want me to continue my "fat girl" role in their live. I have my surgery 11*28*2006 and I'm very excited. I wish you the best!

my reactions have been mixed. i am 6 months post op now, i dont tell anymore people than need to know about my surgery, just because i dont like to explain myself to them. this surgery is life saving, and you are very right in wanting to prevent any more health problems than you have now. do this for yourself and try not to worry about everyone else! best of luck! Jacqueline